Opportunity given...would you accept?
By MissRissa74
@MissRissa74 (472)
United States
January 24, 2007 12:33am CST
I'm writing this post due to a response I received on another post I made. I'm just curious here...and this is mostly for women in a serious relationship...
I'll be blunt and quick to the point. I guess the first thing I should ask is whether or not you would stay with your spouse/boyfriend is he cheated on you and the girl who he cheated with claimed to be impregnated by him? Either way, I made my choice and stayed. Over 3 years after the birth of the child...keep in mind that we helped to raise this child...we found out that she wasn't his. Either way, she had already taken a place in our hearts and lives. Now, my main question...
If given the opportunity, even while knowing the child was not his by blood, would you take full custody of the child? We've made our decision and are now waiting for the paperwork to be complete. I'm just wondering because it seems that some people don't understand why I would make such a choice. It's very simple though...LOVE! We love this child as our own...she fits in here with our other 2 children perfectly...he is the only father she's ever known...her mother is unable to care for her properly and no one knows who her biological father really is. So, let me know people...what would you do?
11 people like this
48 responses
@jenabriam (44)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
I've been reading posts in here for some times but nothing has really touched me the way this post of yours did.
I don't think there will still be any greater reason than that, you've loved the child inspite of everything and I think you'll be a good parent to her.
Good luck and God bless.
@lilangel1869 (126)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I would do that same thing that your doing. If i had already raised that child. And if ur partner is the only father she has ever known that i would really consider it. All kids deserve to have a good life and if you can provide that for her then thats where she belongs is with you. I wish you the best!
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thank you for your response and the best wishes! Same to you!
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
24 Jan 07
I just read yours post and let me give you a friendly hug and salute you, for what have you done in past and what you doing in present. What you have done is a commendable thing and its the most idol thing one can do in the given circumtances and many may think of doing it but the fear of unknown and fear of failing to come with the terms of it will force, many to back track it. Its a tough thing to do lady. Although this post is for women to reply but I cant help my self not to wish you well you for what you have done and what you realy are' A Woman Of Substance'.
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Thank you...I must say that reading your response gave me goosebumps. I've never really thought of it in this light. It's something I've chosen to do out of love...and never really gave it much thought until recently.
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
25 Jan 07
LOL....I never had any intention to give you goosebumps but I am quite candid with my emotions when it comes to admire some one who is deserved to be praised.
1 person likes this
@killailla (1301)
• Canada
25 Jan 07
i have been cheated on and have stayed however the minute a child who was not mine was born i would have left, poersonally i think it is great you want full custody of a child not yours but me never in a million years, it hurts to be cheated on and i would never allow it as i would not want a constant reminder as to the cheating. But that is just me, i think it is great but wouldnt you have to adopt the child?
1 person likes this
@killailla (1301)
• Canada
25 Jan 07
thats great, where i live you cant do that unless you adopt so more power too you! Will you have to see the mom though? That would kill me lol you cant blame an innocent child but seeing the mother all the time would devestate me
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Well, we've had the child since the 11th of December and had court on the 3rd of January and that was the last time I heard from her. I hate to say it, but I don't think she cares enough to keep in contact.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
We went to court with the mother and she told the judge that she wanted to give us full custody. Since my fiance is the only father that the child knows, despite the fact that she's not his by blood, the judge agreed. It's what's best for her, by any means, and we do love her very much!
@fiveisallofus (273)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I would never turn my back on a child. If that were my husband I.....dont know. This is a hard one! I say all the time, if you cheat it is over. only because trust is such an important thing to me. But then I dont know if I could have ever leave the one man I love.
Love that baby, just because his blood says that she is not a part of him ,she is a part of both of you! The affair and her mothers promiscuous ways were not her fault and she should not have to pay for that. All those people that tell you it is wrong, and dont understand you, tell them that it is not her fault and she should not have to pay for the mistakes that someonelse made.
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
You're right, it's not her fault...and we will be sure to make her fully aware of that when she's older. As far as you staying with your husband if he did cheat, if the love is strong enough, you would stay! Thank you for your response!
@fieryeyedwriter (614)
• United States
24 Jan 07
First of all, it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks you should do. You know in your heart what decision to make. So the child is not yours by blood... family is not always bound by blood, but by the ties of love. And love sees no restraints. Staying with someone after they have cheated is also a decision that you alone can make. Is the relationship worth saving? Can it be saved?
In my opinion, this child is already a part of your family, and has been for years. Who is anyone else to say that she does not belong there?
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
You're definitely right on this one...having a stepfather who is more like a biological father would be a terrific example...right?
@mansha (6298)
• India
25 Jan 07
I think you area an admirable personality, you did it right, Kids are kids I dont think you need to get a blood test done to ascertain that you love her or not. I would have done the sme thing, kids are not gifts that you can go in to a store and choose the one you like and give up what you got. People who dont't understand you are not humans but traders of lives. ANy human being wioth his heart in proper place will do the same thing You are truly a women in all sense of this word.
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thank you very much for the compliment and your response!
@anne_143god (5387)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
I agree with you that sometimes just ignore their partner for being cheated because of the love. I guess that is one of the most powerful thing that can really save a relationship if you really love your partner you can tolerate everything.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
It's not that I ignored him...it's forgiveness. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes. He now knows that he messed up and I truly believe he won't do it again. The child is ours, no matter what anyone says! We love her and that's that!
@pamskie88 (72)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
I would keep the child it wasnt the childs fault as long you love the child no matter he is related to you or not its a matter of LOVE. You dont have to be the child's biological mother or father to be able to care the child and raise it as your own.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Love is definitely the key to all of this! Thank you for your response!
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thank you for your response! It's nice to know that other people would do the same thing I've chosen to do!
@sheksms (17)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
I am really awed at what you did and still doing. Staying while being betrayed and loving the consequence of such a batrayal. You are awesome. And i believe you did the right thing. People will criticize you because this is so unhuman. This kind of love only come from heaven. A love so pure, it has no other motive but love itself. We humans when we love, our love will always be tainted with some selfish motives. But your love is out of this world. And how blessed is this child to have you as a mother.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Some people just can't comprehend what we're doing and have done for the last 4 years. I wish that everyone could understand the situation, but most can't. Thank you though, for your response!
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I treat her the same as my other 2 children! She is mine, which feels natural to me. However, I don't see why you would say to treat her better than my other 2? I do thank you for your response though!
@angelco (345)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
we should love children and we should not hurt them since the child doesn't know his biological parents and no one will take care of him, it is fine that you adopt the child under your full custody because its too sad if you'll know one day or when he grow up he did not went to school because of financial problem or no one will take care of him...you might regret that he gone through to a wrong path of life...it is better for you to keep the child because one day he might be the president of the country right? you can't tell what he might give to your family maybe he's the lucky charm...
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I don't know where she would've ended up if we hadn't taken her. Her mother was running out of options and was willing to pawn her off on anyone who would take her! I'm just glad we have her here with us now! Thank you for your response!
@Singsong (19)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I have heard it said that biological is not the only father..If the child knows him as dad and he has contributed that positively in her life..he is her dad.
What a mature decision on both your parts. Go for it girl..and love her to pieces for at least the next twenty years; after that she becomes your friend by going off on her own!
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Very true! Thank you very much for taking the time to respond!
@innechen (1318)
• Indonesia
25 Jan 07
you are a very kind hearted person, you know the lines between love and hate is very slim, so if i were you i would've left him for that.his child or not he's cheating.guess everybody has the right of a 2nd chance right? hopefully ur husband learn his lesson and didnt do it again in the future.and for you its not wrong for adopting the child, i'm sure she'll live a better and happy life with ur family :)
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
She is definitely happier now than she was with her own mother! As far as my man is concerned...he is now a different man than he was a few years ago. Eventually, everyone should learn from their own mistakes, and he has. We're just lucky that this wonderful child came into our lives due to his mistake!
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I would most definitely do that if I would of chosen to stay. It's not the little girls fault and she will be the only one to truly suffer from not having you and her daddy! (even though he isn't really, he still is). I commend both of you! Good Luck! Congrats!
@wesker311 (508)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
if my boyfriend cheated on me maybe i couldnt forgive him but what you did for the child accepting her like your own was a great thing! there are many street children out there who has nothing to live but you made a home for one who has no relation to you or your children! you're very open minded and have shared your love for giving this child a life and a future!May god bless you and your family!
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thank you very much for your response. I've tried to be very open-minded throughout my life and it's taken me to where I am today!
@jinkson_unoh (186)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
I'm really touched with your story :) I agree with you, FIGHT for the custody of the child. Don't let her be taken away from you considering that you have taken care of her since she was a baby. You're the only family she has now that her biological mother is incapable on her custody. You're situation is one best example of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I'm wishing you all the luck in this world for the custody of the child. I really admired you for your actions :)
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thank you very much for your response. I got goosebumps!
@SouthernRain (59)
• United States
25 Jan 07
You are absolutely doing the right thing!! A heart that has no bounds is a heart filled with love! I hope your family is prosperous and joy-filled!!
1 person likes this
@jhrcsr (348)
• United States
25 Jan 07
So the child came to you in an untraditional way. She is still your child, by love and by choice. Families today are made up in all kinds of different ways, our family includes an adopted child. There is no difference in your choice than if you were to decide to adopt a child from an adoption service. The best thing is that you already know her and love her. That's the most important thing. The love, not the way she has come to you.
1 person likes this
