I asked my bf if he would ever get married again!!! And he said 'NO!'
By sillygirlsd
@sillygirlsd (959)
United States
January 26, 2007 7:02pm CST
Last night by bf and I had a few hours to ourselves before we went to bed(the baby was asleep so we had time to cuddle and stuff). Well when we got into bed I told him that sometimes it's hard for me to open up and tell him what im thinking. Then I asked him if he would ever get married again and he said 'no!'. He's been married twice before...he didn't give me an explaination on why he wouldn't...he just responded with 'I don't know why'. He has his first baby with me and we have been together for almost 2 yrs now. At first I always said that I never would get married and that marriage wasn't for me....but you know to tell you all the truth I believe that 'EVERY GIRL, SOMETIME IN THEIR LIFE, WANTS TO GET MARRIED!'. Before I asked him I thought about when would be a good time to get married to him...I thought that maybe by the year 2010. But now I don't know what to do...I don't want to seem pushy and I don't want to keep bringing up the subject. It really hurts to wonder why he won't ever get married again or if he will ever change his mind.
4 people like this
13 responses
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Sorry you have to go through that. Guys are just like that. Most answer I get from my husband are I dont know. But he didnt think that he would get married either but here we are 4 yrs into the marraige. But you have to be real with him. If you really see that as a major need you will need to lay that out for him or you will resent him eventually. Did you know before the baby that he didnt want to get married?
@sillygirlsd (959)
• United States
28 Jan 07
We never talked about it! We planned the baby....we both decided on when was a good time. I never thought I would want to get married but now I eventually want to.....I don't see marriage as a need now but in a few years if we are still together I want to...thanks for your comment!
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I think as long as they love & take care of the child, then all will be well. There are plenty of kids who have parents who aren't married, the kids get along just fine. Society needs to stop being so nosey & judgemental.
@MrsAdvice (623)
• United States
27 Jan 07
The problem is that you have things in the wrong order, dear. You see, FIRST you get married, SECOND you go to bed together, and THIRD you have the baby. There's an old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
My husband and I separated about six months ago. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like gold now, but there is no way I will ever get married again. I can't imagine going through another marriage like the one I just left. I believe when people get married, it is for life, but I couldn't make it last 15 years the first time, so I'd be scared of failing again a second time. I'm happy with the way things are now. Perhaps this is how your boyfriend is feeling. Maybe in time he will change his mind.
1 person likes this
@sillygirlsd (959)
• United States
27 Jan 07
You've experienced being married before. Just because a marriage didn't work out doesn't mean that you failed at it. People's feelings change all the time and I believe that everyone has more than one soulmate....there's always someone better. I'm only 23 and sometime in my lifetime i would want to experiance getting marriede(havng a wedding etc.....)
@rhie0216 (289)
• Philippines
28 Jan 07
maybe at this time your boyfriend is not yer ready to get married again. just take for consideration the things that may have hapen in his past married life. maybe in time he would be the one to ask you to get married. don't force the issue yet be patient.
@danbumpy (203)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Before you pack your stuff and move away I want you to know that how he feels has nothing to do with you. When you are hurt like he was, it takes a long time to heal. Look, from what the cards show he is a great guy. No doubt he loves you and wants to be with you. He doesn't want anyone else just you. I know you want to get married or at least want that security that he will always be there. I believe he will. And give him time don't throw away this relationship because he won't marry you yet. He will come around and the day will come. Just trust he will be there for you and it's going to all work out.
1 person likes this
@kishchun (497)
• Oman
27 Jan 07
i can't say if you'd be happier if you were married. and perhaps your bf needs time to get over his earlier experiences, if not good. however, i feel it might be good for the child if you were married - yeah, i agree that it's thinking conventionally. i think it might seem like a stable foundation for the little one. but yes, i do understand your feelings, though i don't know for sure how you should be dealing with it.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
I wouldn't push it. I don't think you sounded desperate, I mean, it's not like you're pushing him for marriage, you're asking him his opinion. It's smart to check what the other person in the relationship is thinking about things like marriage and kids, just so that you are communicating.
Some people are happy with what they have and don't want to change it in any way. Maybe he thinks that if you guys get married, it will turn out like his other marriages?
1 person likes this
@SuziBerardini (314)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
if you have been living together longer than a year , you are already married, common law but married none the less. Maybe he just feels burned by his past 2 marriages and doesnt want to get hurt that way again. i wouldnt push the topic but maybe ask him if he can explain to you why he doesnt want to marry again.
@dutchess67 (917)
• United States
27 Jan 07
IF you're with him and you're happy, then why are you worried about getting married?
I'm sorry, but I was married once myself and I swore to my very soul that I'd never do it again. I can understand not wanting to go through that again. Marriage isn't always a pleasant prospect, even if you love the person. I would try to understand that he feels how he feel about it and leave it at that. You have him in your life and you're happy together, so I think I'd just try to be happy with that.
1 person likes this
@moneymaka (492)
• United States
27 Jan 07
geez well you sounded pretty desperate when you actually went there and asked such a question, Couldnt you have asked in a way that it seemed like you didnt care or knew what you were saying.
@sillygirlsd (959)
• United States
27 Jan 07
We have been together for almost 2 yrs. so I don't think it was desperate of me to bring it up if I never have before. I do care about it because I just hope that it's not me that he wants to marry. I hoped that he would of given me a reaso why he wouldn't!
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Well, if he's been married twice in the past, it seems that he's just really afraid of whatever happened in the previous marriages, happening in this one. The previous ones probably scared him away from marriage. Be patient, communicate with him what you want. Just be really supportive of him, I'm sure he'll come around sometime if he realizes you aren't like the others.
@vicky_lane4987 (980)
•
27 Jan 07
aww poor you :( i dont know what i would do in this situation...thankfully i know my other half would get married if he found the right person (just hope i hit the right boxes) hehe...sounds so bad doesn't it.
but then again, sometimes i wonder, why is being married so important? surely if you love each other then thats all you need, as you have each other
@sillygirlsd (959)
• United States
27 Jan 07
It's not important to me right now. But I believe that it's every girls dream to get married sometime in their life. I always thought that I wasn't the marrying type but I've changed my way of thinking. Many women that have responded have been married so at least they have experianced it.
