The difference in how you were raised

I was raised in a family where my mom made sure my dad came first. She felt it was her job to serve him first, take care of his needs first, etc. Of course he was a hard worker and did all the "man" things he was supposed to do too. I am very independent and am the main decision maker in my house, but still feel that my husband comes first. I am the breadwinner, as he is disabled, and do all the "man" chores that need to be done, but still serve him first, get what he needs before I'll get for myself, etc. He was brought up where he pretty much had to take care of himself and where he also took care of /babysat for his 3 neices. He will do for me before himself, and it is hard for him to see me have to do the jobs he thinks he should be doing. So anyway, it's a little strange for me, as I am torn between a woman doing what she wants and being strong, and feeling that I need to put my husband first . . . . it works out somehow.

I think one way we were raised differently was finances. His dad is an accountant, and so very legalistic with money. Every penny is accounted for and spent very carefully within a plan. My parents were very smart financially, and we have always been comfortable, but we also splurged for things, like a hottub, that my husband just doesn't get because its not a "necessity". Well no, and even if its not used a whole lot anymore, we have always enjoyed having it. So now it drives me a little crazy that I can't, every once in a while, just splurge on something if we have a little extra money. Granted we do have some debt, but come on, live a little! LOL

It affects a lot well that is why marriage is the name of scrifices and compromises and adjustments.

my husband and I were raised the same in some areas, but different in others. For example he was raised with values to take care and be head of the family, have the wife at home, open doors, things like that. I was raised that I did for myself. I did not need a man to take care of me, depend on yourself, things like that. So it was hard to lay back and let my husband take care of me. I always was worried that he would leave, and where would I be? my mom still gets on me about it. Like when I unpack the car after shopping and my husband will come out and do it. She will say that I should be doing it. Or when I try to help hauling wood, he will tell me to go and do somethingelse that he has it, and my mom will tell me that I am getting week, and he is controlling my life and things like that. I do not see that. He treats me very well, and it takes some getting used to, from being from a female dominate family.

My husband's dad didn't work when he was little. Supposedly he had some disability that didn't allow him. Basically he didn't want to. So my husband's mom always worked until she developed mental health problems. She also did the majority of the care for my husband and his sister. His dad took his mom's checks and decided what they could or couldn't buy with them. When he took the kids with him grocery shopping he wouldn't let them have anything extra. He wouldn't buy certain things just because he thought they ate it too fast and he wanted it to last longer. His dad never really had to work for anything in his life. His parents bought him the house and every car they ever had except the one he has now. My husband's grandma paid for insurance and taxes every year. Basically, his dad is 56 years old now and not at all self sufficient. At my house, both my parents worked. My mom did most of the care for us, but it was because my dad worked 10-12 hours a day 7 days a week. He is also a heavy drinker. But he always supported us financially. My mom took care of expenses, though. Now that my husband and I are married, it does cause some problems. He thinks he has to control all the money and it drives me crazy. He works Monday-Friday while I only work Saturday. I like to do errands and go shopping during the week without him but he thinks we both need to go everytime. He is also overly worried about money, probably because he doesn't want to end up on state help like his parents always have been. He always talks about getting another job because he thinks we need more money for some reason. He doesn't think any amount of debt is acceptable, even though we only have two student loans and a car loan. He grew up with his parents having over $20k in credit card debt all the time. So now he is so worried that he is going to end up the same. I also have a hard time making him understand why I don't want him to drink and why I want him home with his child. He really likes my dad so he can't understand why I'm not more attached to my dad. He thinks it's okay to drink even though he knows I am strongly opposed to it after everything I went through with my father. That's probably our biggest problem. But we fight about him getting a second job too. He thinks we need more money but I think Elliott needs his daddy around more than he needs extra toys. And he refuses to let me work more and put Elliott in daycare. He tries so hard to be everything that his dad wasn't. I admire the fact that he is doing something with his life and isn't trying to drain every penny he can get from everyone (his parents call and ask us for money all the time!), but I just wish he would relax a little bit about it.