How do you deal with your kids if they are out of control?

Children will push the limits and test our patience beyond mercy. The secret is to be consistent at all times! Choose your battles and if it is something that really matters to you, stay consistent and don't give in, even once. If you do, they will push even further. Then again, don't sweat the small stuff. As for what to do, it is a little harder to answer as I do not know the age of your child and age has a lot to do with how to handle the situation. This is for an child of 5 and up: If your child is so out of control that you are really angry, send him/her to their room or a "time out" spot. If need be, ask a friend or relative to come over and stay with your child while you take a break. Once both of you are under control, you calmly tell your child that you will not tolerate that specific behavior and why. Make it very clear what the punishment will be for a repeat of the behavior. If your child is old enough to read, put it on paper in black and white and post it where they can see it. The main clue is consistency...many children develop out of control behavior because one time a parent gives in, the next time the parent says no for the same issue. Decide how you will handle each issue as it arises and then always handle it the exact same way. This is an example of what I did when my son's were young. Keep in mind that this followed a plan of action that had been spelled out ahead of time from the time my boys were 3 years old so they fully knew what was expected of them. You are going to the mall. You tell your child before you leave that this is a "non-buying trip." This signals to him that he will not get a toy this time. Later, your child tantrums at the mall when you won't buy a toy. You tell him once that he knew this was a non-buying trip. He starts again so you tell him, you know the rules, if you don't settle down by the count of 3, we go home. Then you count aloud with a pause in between..if he settles, you stay and shop. If he does not, you leave. I guarantee, it works. Now, of course, once in a while you will have a buying trip but you set the spending limit before you leave...like $1 for a matchbox car or at the dollar store, or $3 or some small amount that will allow him to buy something that he treasures or "collects". I only ended up leaving the mall twice. All the trips after that were fun and uneventful. Now, when we did do a "buying trip", I did not rush them as they made their choice...no matter how long it took. It was their time to "shop" and their reward for following rules.

i don't know, ive tried everything and nothing has really worked! i don't know how ive cope so far, im just going slowly insane along the way!

I've read several of the responces in here and it seems 50 50 0n good and bad. first of all you should never use the word "KILL" when you are talking about your children. I don't know how serious you are about this topic but if you are let me tell you, I've takin several classes on child behavior because I used to be a special Ed teacher and they are all contradictive of each other. In my personal experience with my kids, them being 14 and 15, two girls. me a single dad, I feel the best thing you can do to keep your kids under control is to spend time with them. yeah, I know theres always outside interferances like bad teachers, bad friends, bad bad bad bad ex-wifes, but make the time to spend with them doing things they like to do. Make sure they can talk to you anytime they need to without you jumping all over them for things you don't approve of. You never stop learning in life and theres alot to learn from kids. If they feel like they make a difference in your life and that they are contibuting in yalls relationship, then they don't fight the little things as much. As far as the younger kids go- pretty simple, be consistant and don't ever say "kill" or "I'm going to give you away". All that does is scare them and confuse them, therefore making them not trust you. Kids have to trust you to listen to you. Thier minds are very fragile at young ages. They need our guidance not our ridicule. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses never hurt either. If your kid is at the point of out of control then your job is going to be pretty hard for a while. Start by doubling or even tripling the time you spend with them. If you only hug and kiss them in the morning or at night then change that; do it everytime you see them for a while. they need to realize how much you care. Then start listening to them and whats bothering them, cause when a child is acting up its because something is troubling them. If they tell you, don't cut them down, just listen and take it with you. Seriously think about it and try to figure out where they're coming from. Kids can express themselves even at early ages. most people just don't give them the the chance. Then very carefully pick who you talk to about things because most people give bad advice and just make things worse. Bottom line--listen,love, and loyalty. If you have any specific questions and you weren't offended by my responce, I won't mind talking to you about it. It's better than most of the subjects on here. justiman

Welcome to being a mother LOL. It gets hard, I have three boys all under the age of 8. They fight and do the typical boy thing and drive mommy batty, but at night when I hear their prayers and watch them sleep I remember everything (including wanting to pull my hair out at times) is all worth it. That is how I cope, I know that I am doing the best I can to make them good people and that kids do things different then us. But they are wonderful precious angels, who bless my life and show me that I am a good person for being able to deal with it all.

hahah boy do I know all too well what you ladies are going through. Since abusing them is not an option, what do ya do? (that was a joke too by the way for all you serious people out there, dont take me literally!) I would abuse myself before I ever layed a hand on my child...

Make them understand in a nice ways rather than beeting them up..

Hi Sparky1025, Children can be very trying. My teen went through a phase where she would tell me that she didn't want to discuss it when it came to her bio mom. I got so p*ssed off that I go up and just slammed the door. She jumped and so did her father. He asked what that was all about and I yelled that I never want to hear that response again, because what she is doing to me is slamming the door in my face and destroying and open communication that we have. She started crying, but those words went out of her vocabulary and our relationship has gotten stronger over the years and she now lives with us. I believe in spanking. Not to the point of maming the child, but enough to get their attention and to let them know you mean business. I have nieces and nephews who won't bring their kids around me, because I disipline right in front of them. I figure that it is my house and I deserve and demand respect. Do in my house as if you would want me to do in yours. I believe having a firm hand, but gentle heart. Give the hard boundrys, but when they fall and get hurt, be there with open loving arms. Thanks for allowing me to give my opinion.

Hey there, Read ur topic,I really appreciate the attempt you have made to light up the issue as most of us don't even bother to discuss the problem keep up the great work.

I strongly agree to the fact that kids can be a gang of little devils at times and its not easy tackling with them.But its also important that we keep in mind, that they need to be pampered and loved as there minds at this stage can barely think of anything out of the nut shell.They do as the y see or react to situations unaware of what the circumstances would be after they have performed an act.

I get their dad :)

The best way u can make them understand is by talkin to them,make them understand abt thigs which they dont know.The best u can do is just talk.

when my kids are out of control I send them to their rooms, it gives them time to calm down and get over it, and it gives me a few minutes of quiet.

send them to boot camp that will straighten them up

ground them

I've found the perfect weapon. Where I live, there is someone, like a trashman let's say, that he is going round the yards and is asking and gathering old irons, kitchens that they don't ork anymore and stuff like that. His truck is old and it makes noise. He aslo has a speaker that loudly says that he is gathering this stuff. In my language the old and the bad sometimes are using the same word. so my son hears him asking for...bad children. I of course am so fed up at times that I say to him, :I will give you to the trashman and he will bring me a new boy that he will love me and won't make me cry and yell all the time". That works. You can also find someone that your children don't like very much. You can make out of him/her the boogieman. Of course you can't use the bad wolve. It's not working!

My kids are young, but they can still get out of control. I hope that they don't continue "bad" behavior when they're older, and calm down a little bit. :)

If your kids are that out of control, then you should really look into getting professional help. Also schedule a night out away from them for yourself, so you can regroup.

the best way is to scold them.punishing them will not help.make them realise thath you are not happy with their behaviour and try to change them mentally.

WOW, that's a tough one, call in Super Nanny!

Put them out side to play and they will probably scream the back yard down but the neighbours will get ova it. Bikes rollerblades big walks will not only hopefully exhaust them, but calm you down too. I just started doing this and the outcome has been good so far. It's just a matter of getting to the motivation point, but use the anger/frustration/sadness or depression to ur advantage. Be determined not to let ur crankiness succeed. Having said that, 6 months ago I would have said well, that's easy 4 you to say, you don't have my sucky life. Once you get on a roll it will get easier and bugger what other people say, they are not in ur shoes, my 4 kids are getting easier 2 handle, and if you have depression, make sure you get proper help for that because if you don't feel healthy first, you can't be there for them 100%. Hope this helps.