Is yelling at your children ok?

I think yelling, like spanking, teaches children how to handle themselves when they get into situations of conflict or disagreement. It teaches them to use the same non-constructive tools to battle for their way. If you teach your child that the way to handle anger, or frustration, or to get a desired behavior under control, is achieved by yelling, then that imprints to their young impressionable minds and they will mimick your behavior and adopt it for their own. As parents, we have to be more constructive in our means to handle discipline. We know today that our children learn from our own behaviors and actions, they learn what behaviors are acceptable from the environment they live in. We should never approach our children in the heat of the moment, when you are frustrated and more easily able to fly off the handle. Sometimes, you need to walk a way from the situation for a moment and re-group, so you can handle the discipline and situation with a level rational head. The last thing we want to teach our children is that violence and anger are good tools to use in their own lives.

Yelling at children causes more adverse effects than it helps anything. Think about yourself. How do you feel when you're yelled at, and how do you react? Children have less-developed coping mechanisms than you do, so they are unable to handle being yelled at even less than adults are. My daughter and her husband yell at their children all the time. Then they complain about how badly their 3-year-old behaves. If parents don't model good behavior, they certainly aren't going to get it out of their children.

Don't move to California, they are trying to pass a law making it illeagle to spank - but not to yelling yet. yelling is like any other form of discipline. Over use it and it is not effective. If you are correcting your child talk in a clam voice is better. I also find that some reassuring after the fact is good. Lets the child know that you are upset with them but you still love them.

I don't think yelling is a good thing, if you sit down and talk with your child and dicipline according to what is going on there is no need for raising your voice. I did'nt get hollared at as a child my mom always talked or diciplined.

Yelling is never okay. Yelling at your kid won't let them listen to you. You'll only scare them and shut them down. That's why it's advised to calm down first before dealing with your kids when you're really upset.

I dont like to yell at my children and besides it does nothing to change their behaviour. I rather change my tone of voice and they react to this more than yelling.

No, I don't think it's okay. It's one thing to discipline your child and instruct them but it has to be done calmly. I tend to think of yelling as a sign of anger and you can't discipline anyone if you are angry, you are just acting on agression. I think that all people, including children, deserve tobe treated witha level of respect.

I AS WELL THINK THAT A SPANKING IS BETTER. MY MOTHER WOULD YELL AND SCREAM AT ME WHICH MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A PERSON. THE SPANKINGS I WOULD RECEIVE SEEMED TO GO AWAY FASTER THAN THE EMOTIONAL PAIN OF THE YELLING. ONE THING THAT REALLY ANGERS ME, IS WHEN I AM IN A STORE AND A PARENT WILL CUSS THEIR CHILD. SURE THE KID MAY BE A LITTLE WHAT I CALL "OFF THE HOOK", BUT THESE PARENTS AT TIMES COME OUT WITH QUITE FILTHY WORDS TO THEIR 5 & 6 YEAR OLD CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE THROWING TANTRUMS. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP ALLOWING THE STRESS TO BUILD UP WHERE THEY ARE LASHING OUT ON THEIR KIDS. THIS SCARS CHILDREN MUCH WORSE THAN ANY SPANKING. I DON'T AGREE HOWEVER WITH FORCEFUL SPANKING. THIS AS WELL IS UNCALLED FOR. MY THING IS THIS...I WALK AWAY WHEN ITS REALLY BAD...COOL DOWN, THEN COME BACK AND TELL THEM WHY THEY ARE GETTING A SPANKING PRIOR.

I think that yelling is never the answer and i well given licken can sometimes speak louder than words. I believe that a child should be disciplined though but this will never work with constant yelling!

I was yelled and screamed at violently as a child. As an adult, I can clearly see now that i was constantly verbally abused. This type of negative treatment can scar a child for life. I would tell any parent out there from my experience, please, please do not yell at your children. sTay in control and discipline, but do not snap and act like a raving lunatic. This can damage a child.

Yes, it is very true that it depends on the child how to tolerate the spanking and yelling that they get from parents...on the part of ach parent, they you be observant of their child, because I'm one of the child who xperienced that yelling and spanking from my mother but later on I have realized that that hurting made me a better and disciplined person....Isn't that nice?=)

I agree with you Nexis. I was one of those where everytime I did something wrong as a child, yelling would always make me feel inferior and more of a disappointment.I think words are more dangerous than physical discipline. I would hate to hear my mother yell at me and tell me "I was good for nothing." I feel the spanking was more effective in straightening me out. Words just lowered my self esteem and belittle me.

My son is almost 1 year old. I have not yelled at him. I think there are very few circumstances were yellling is needed. And I agree with a lot of the other posters, that the reason you need to yell is to get their attention because they are doing something dangerous, or you need them to hear you because of something else. And to address the spanking issue, we do spank our son's hands, but only when he is doing something that could hurt him or someone else. For instance, if he pokes the dogs in the eyes, he gets his hands removed and we spank his fingers while telling him "no no, that hurts _____ (insert whichever dog it is here)" Or if he pulls on something that he is not supposed to, that could possibly fall on him (no, not at our house, if we are visiting somewhere else). We tell him no and move his fingers. If we have to tell him no again, they get spanked. We have never spanked him, though, for doing something like making a mess, or tearing something up that we left out. There are other ways to deal with that when the time comes.

I don't think yelling is okay at all. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I yell at my kids, but I don't yell at them to punish them, or belittle them.. I yell at them to come inside for supper, and I yell at them about staying away from the road, and if they're climbing over our fence into the neighbor's yard to get their ball, I yell at them to get their attention.. but I don't yell at them when they do something wrong in a mean way. Yelling at them to get their attention when they're doing something that could be dangerous, and yelling at them because I'm mad are 2 different things. I know how I used to feel when I got yelled at in anger and I hated it. I never want my boys to ever feel that way.

Yelling at anyone won't always get you the best results. Yelling will just let someone know that you are angry, but you must articulate your feeling without losing your temper to let people understand WHY you are angry.

I personally tend to yell out of angry and trying to get through to child while your angry isn't great parenting. I don't claim to be better than any one this is my opinion and when my son was going through his teens I yelled many times out frustration at just how clueless he could be. :) I believe that yelling should only take place when their is danger and you need to get the attention of your child. If you yell all the time the child's reaction time to your screams are going to be much slower and keep them in danger's way longer. So 22 years of experience tells me that it is wrong.

I agree with you. I don't think yelling @ your children is okay & I do look at it as a sign of being out of control. What is that really teaching them? That yelling is okay. My husband's Mom always yelled at him & to this day he has never forgot it or really forgiven her for that. He said it was horrible-- because he always felt like he couldn't do anything right & that she was always mad. I don't think that type of situation is good for anyone to grow up in--do we really want to make our children feel taht way. I think that some people get out of control with spanking & I don't agree with that. I tend to more go towards the (Time-out) scenero just because no yelling or spanking is involved--& they still get the point that they are in trouble & can't have fun or play until they are done thinking about what they did.

I was spanked as a child too. Although it didn't happen very often and when it did, I knew I had definitely done something wrong. I try not to spank my children, although they've all had them. I try to go by the rule that they learn from us and if we are hitting them, they are going to think this is ok. That is not to say I disagree with spankings, there are definitely times when one is warranted. I guess I tend to speak loudly at times, but it is mostly to be heard above them I guess. It's not a good habit to have either, but sometimes I just get so frustrated. I don't think you can really reason with a two year old either and there are times when I feel I can't reason with my 12 year old either, lol.

I think that both yelling and spanking a lose of control. There are far better ways of disciplining your children. Spanking teaches that violence is acceptable, and yelling instills fear. I choose to have my child respect me rather than fear me, I parent without spanking or yelling. I was hit as a child and to this very day if some raises their hand I flinch, I refuse to have my child afraid of me. There are plenty of ways to get your children to do as you ask without hitting them. Really spanking is hypocritical, because you are hitting them to get them to do as you wish, but them you tell them that hitting is wrong and not to do it. you can not really teach a child by " do as I say not as I do" You are your child's greatest role model. Children learn by repetition, just as adults. by using calm rational thinking, you can devise ways that work for you as a parent and for your lifestyle. My daughter is 1 and when she is misbehaving i make sure to come down to her level and use a firm voice... not loud, but firm i tell her no and remove her form what she is doing. I f she goes back I simply repeat what I did. Although it takes awhile eventually she realizes that i am only going to continue to remove her if she is insistent upon not listening. I am finding that since implementing this method of discipline I have to ask her less to stop, and never do I resort to yelling at her or spanking her. I do not claim to have all the answers but i do know that hitting is just plain wrong no matter how you look it. Children are a blessing and should be treated as such, they do not ask to be here, and all they really want is to make us happy. So I know for me at the end of the day i feel good about myself, and my abilities as a mom. I don't think i could say the same if i was yelling or spanking her.

Keeping calm when you want to yell is probably the hardest thing a parent has to do. If you are yelling, kids probably don't hear what you say as much as the tone you are saying it in. The only time I can say it might be good to yell at a child is when they are in danger and you need to get their attention "right now". I think you are right. Yelling is just a loss of control. I have been guilty of it myself.