is marriage important

OK-here's my two cents worth (no pun intended). I have been on both sides of the fence with the same man. I have known my husband since high-school. We were "best buds" and did everything together for 3 years in high school, but he was stuck on another girl. I decided to "go on" with mu life. Well 3 marriages and divorces later, and a lot of horrific pain I wind up right back where I started from. The Lord had His hand in this I am sure. I even moved from Texas to California. My first husband knew him. When I came back to visit, it happened to be the very weekend that my current husband was baptised. When my son was 3 1/2, my former husband and I moved to an apartment complex. My son went out of the apartment and I could not find him. Low and behold, my son comes back (I am frantically searching for him) and tells me that he was playing with this man with a radio controlled truck. I said what man--show me what man and there stood my current husband. I was floored. Not only did we live in the same apartment complex, but I lived on the bottom around the corner and he lived up top on the other side. At that time, my former husband and I were trying to make our marriage work, but it didn't. My current husband and I still did not get the picture. I dated someone else for 5 years. He married once because his girlfriend became pregnant with his only child who is now 12. Well, my mother took care of his baby and told me about her. I wanted to see his baby and just catch up. Well, we caught up alright. After 2 to 3 weeks of marriage, his wife had left him. So, our first date was in church. Eventually, we lived together. I had asked him to marry me one day when we were out and about. You should have seen the look on his face. He said that was a first. Well, he turned me down. Then, we decided to go down and do a common-law marriage-Declaration that we had been living together as man and wife. My husband never saw this as really being married. Several years later, he asked for a divorce. I gave it to him. They say: Set something free and if it comes back to you, then it is yours to keep. Well, I did not hear from him for about 2 years. Our high school reunion came up. I had not dated for 2 1/2 years and just had recently started dating about 8 months ago. He took me to my high school reunion because the man I had been dating had to go overseas. That night, my husband told me that he wanted me back. I still loved him, but I made him wait 6 months before I gave him an answer. I wanted him to be sure that he did indeed want me back. Then, things went on and the next thing I knew he came in and told me that I had 3 days to plan my wedding!!!! What!!!!!! He did not ask me. Well, as we do ( an argument later and me giving him the engagement ring back)--- I told him that I would not marry him until he asked me. Why??????? Because------ When he asked me to marry him, it gave my husband a greater since of commitment. Love and Commitment. A lot of men and women, too are afraid of commitment. They would rather just be able to walk away--no strings attached--Commitment formalized by a marriage means that you will do everything in your power to work out your problems. You accept each other for who you are. You're probably saying that you are already doing that---My dear---Having been on both sides of the fence--Being married to me brings a much more grounded solidified deepness to your relationship and a sense of permanence. That is why God created the institution of marriage. And yes, I do believe that being married, saying vows is God's way. The Declaration of Marriage (in my own personal walk with my Lord) was wrong and I have had to ask God for forgiveness. I praise God that I had a man willing to stand up for the old fashioned values of marriage.

I believe you have taken the words out of my mouth. I do want to feel that deeper bond and sense og belonging. thanks so much.

No problem honey. Just be patient. I'm sure that he knows that you are trying to figure out just when he's going to pop the question. So he's probably trying to throw you off and really surprise you. You love him, right? Then it'll be perfect. No matter if it happens tomorrow or a month from now or a year from now. Love doesn't just die because he doesn't propose when you think he will. I'm sure he loves you. Just love him. Keep on loving him every day. It'll all be fine :)

This is the best advice yet. It's so simple too, I guess there is no real advice anyone can give me except be patient. thanks alot.

I want to atleast know that I mean that much to him. If he tells everyone else what makes it so hard to tell me. We talk about everything together.

i agree people look at it different, but is it so important to spend so much money to tell other people that you love each other. Isn't it important to know yourselves above everyone else? And I agree with the you could propose after all one of you has to and if it has to be you then so be it right? also congrats on the marriage and hope all is going good for you.

If I was to pop the question would I give him an engaement ring?

I don't think it is a good idea for women to pop the question. I don't know men that will like that. Certain traditions should not be broken. A man wants to ask the question and it should stay like that. In the same way a wedding day should stay about the bride. If you do you should buy a ring but I don't know, it would be silly if you go down on your knees and produce the ring...no don't do it! Wait for him. Sometimes men are more practical when it comes to marriage (Sometimes too practical) and look beyond the fairytale of the wedding day. If you communicate as you should then there should be a good balance of fairytale and reality

I agree with that. If you are really meant to be husband and wife then no matter what will happen you will still be married in the right time.

I'm not really in a rush to get married but if he loves me so much why hasn't he proposed.

I don't want to live my life an unmarried woman with two children

I don't need the paper either, i need the feeling.

I disagree. It is more than just a piece of paper. It is a commitment for life and promise made in front of God and witnesses. Once I made that promise everything changed. The idea of leaving her or she me is just non existent. Thoughts like "what if I stop loving her?" doesn't come to mind. You can't stop loving one unless you make a decision to do that and even then I am not sure you can do that. If you love someone isn't the greatest thing you can do to promise that you will always be next to that person, supporting and listening. Marriage for me is a decision to be a witness (and have a witness ) of the one person you chose 's life. Marriage is great!

Great, i wish you good luck as well.

ha ha I don't think it is going to happen for me. LOL At least not with him. LOL But you still have a very good chance. Be patient...he will get there. And it will be perfect. :) Good luck! Oh! And when and if he does propose...we want all the details! :D

If you waited 16 years what am I doing complaining about 3. Wish you the best of luck too.

Believe me when and if it does happen I'll probably be telling the entire world, which probably won't be to hard if I post it here.

It's not a matter of being in a hurry, and living together isn't what a marriage is all about. I want the deeper understanding of love.

I'm not in it for any of the material things. Although it would be so nice to have a beautiful wedding and reception, and go on an exciting honeymoon, I'm in it for the love, and the bonding.

We already have two children and I hate the way people look at us knowing that we are not married.

Wow they really have a website for it. I'll definately check it out.

nice one

Good Advice, Thanks

Thank You

You are the first to almost completely relate to my feelings, thanks so much.

Marriage is very sacred to me, thank you

LOL, you are the first to put it that way.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who doesn't believe it to be just a peice of paper, it means so much more to me.