How do you know?
By coril5352
@coril5352 (50)
United States
January 28, 2007 10:32pm CST
How do you know when it's time? That not only are you with the right person, but that you are ready to take the next step? I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I feel that he is the one. I want to take the next step, but I don't know if he is ready. He says he knows I'm the one, but doesn't want to rush into anything. And when should you take the next step, and have children. The last few days, I can't seem to think of anything else. I've been having almost nightly dreams of being pregnant, or having a child. I can tell the clock is ticking louder than ever before. I'm 26, which isn't necessarily that old, but I know mentally and emotionally I am ready. I think one thing that has triggered it, is the fact that this month would have been the 5th birthday of a child I miscarried with my ex-fiance. That has to subliminally causing some of the thoughts and feelings I've been dealing with. So, how do I deal? I feel like I'm in a depression, nothing major, just not knowing where to go next. Money-wise, we aren't in the best position, but when are you ever. If I keep waiting for the perfect time to come along, will life just pass me by? I'm so confused. Please give me some feedback. Especially from parents who can give me some insight. I need all the help I can get right now. I'm just confused....
2 responses
@astromama (1221)
• United States
29 Jan 07
I'll tell you how I knew... I'm pregnant now with my first...
My boyfriend and I had been together for two and a half years when we conceived, and although it was premeditated, it was still a surprise. I felt it would be awkward to 'try' to get pregnant, but I wasn't closed to the idea. I knew it was going to happen 'sometime' for us about a year before actually becomming pregnant. I knew it was time because we BOTH got mushy over babies, talked to great lengths about what would happen when we did get pregnant... and stopped being quite as careful. I understand how you feel, as I went through a similar loss. I will say, though, that I feel it's very important for both you AND your partner to be ready... and you're still very young, so if you two need another year or two to solidify your partnership, take that time. I was 'baby hungry' for the past two years, and I'm only 25! But I took that time to dream of my child, love my partner, and create the space in our lives for that dream... Every step of this journey has been better because my man and I are on the same page. That's the best thing you could give a child... two parents that truly want him, and fall deeper in love with him and each other every day. Life won't pass you by... but prepare for it, and let your partner prepare for it. And if he absolutely does not want children, maybe just maybe he isn't 'the one' for you.
@coril5352 (50)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I know he wants children. He has been very open about that from the beginning. He says he just isn't ready to give up the freedom of being childless just yet. Which I respect, but I also believe that you can have just as fulfilling and interesting of a life with a child. You just have to pack for 3 instead of two. I know I will spend the rest of my life with him, I just want it to be with him and a child. Is that to selfish? Are his wants more important than mine? He says we need to wait at least another 2-3 years, and I don't know if I can mentally handle that. But I don't want to lose him. Is there any way I can help him to see that this isn't something that will make him lose his spontenaity?
@bkittybaby (87)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Wait. If he has said he is not ready, then it is not time. It takes guys longer to give up the freedom of no kids. I know that life is still great after kids, but it is different. You can't do a lot of the things you did before kids. That is what he is thinking about.
Also clocks tick, and then they shut up again. Mine did the same thing for a while, then it got better. I had to re-evaluate my life and think about whether or not it would be fair to bring a child into it yet. I am still a bit not settled in my career. I know I can't have a baby then decide to change jobs, it doesn't work well.
Things will fall into place one day, and it will be right, until then find some friend's kids who are brats. Every time they get obnoxious and you can leave them with their mommy, thank yourself for waiting. This will help with the ticking!
