Parent/Adult-Child relationship

We have 8 children.3 are grown.Two of the grown ones are married and have children. My oldest moved out the day she got married.We had a butting of the heads relationship at the time.She thought she was grown.I was worried because I saw things that could hurt her.It all started when she turned into a teenager. When she moved out, she did start to talk to me a little more. But,I was sad about our relationship because I wanted her to feel closer to me.Then she got pregnant with her first child. She suddenly started pulling closer to me.After the birth of my 1st grandson, we became closer.Now,I feel we are pretty close.She talks to me,shares her life with me. My other grown daughter moved out as soon as she turned 18.Same thing here.When she became a teenager, she pulled away.By the time she moved out, I was sure there was a possibility that she would move as far away as possible to be away from me.She got married a few months later.At that point she started opening up to me a little more,again.Just like with the oldest daughter, she got pregnant and started turning to Mom more. She had her baby last October. Just before Christmas,my husband asked what happened, it suddenly seemed like she was home more now than when she actually lived at home. I told him that she became a mom. In my case, my daughters wanted to be all grownup.They thought when they became teenagers, they knew best and didn't need mom.They didn't understand me.Thought we didn't have anything in common. When they moved out, I kept trying to show that I loved them and cared.But, as you,I tried to stay out of their business.Pushing wasn't going to help. When they became Moms, they saw me in a different light.They suddenly realized we do have alot in common with me.They started understanding what a mom felt. Now,their husbands often point out how much they are becoming like their Mom! Maybe your daughter is just trying to find out who she is as an independent woman. Part of the issue may actually be that she is not sure how to have an adult relationship with her mom.Maybe she doesn't see what you have in common as grown women,yet. Hopefully, some day she will have that moment, that she sees you as more than Mommy to the little girl she use to be. Until then, I would suggest, just being there. Call or visit sometimes,not daily or even every other day. If you know she has something important or big happen in her life such as Dr's appt, job interview,etc. be sure to check with her on that day.That shows that you notice important things in her life.But just approach it with an opening like Just wanted to see how it went,today. Then, listen. Don't ask lots of questions other than how she feels about it! Try to avoid saying your thoughts,unless she asks.Even if she asks don't say you disagree and start pointing out how she's wrong. It's ok to say that you disagree , but that all that matters is how she feels because it's her life. Hopefully, you get the idea of what I'm saying here. I might also suggest asking her to do something, maybe once or twice a month. Something simple like meeting for lunch or a weekend afternoon or coffee, might work. Hope this was of some help.I know how hard it can be.

Your daughter is going thru growing-up phase and has mood swings. Let her know that your doors are open if she wants to talk. Otherwise, good to busy yourself and keep your distance. However, should she approached you for advices, be sincere, drop all that you're doing and listen. By listen I mean LISTEN! Some parents forgot how to listen. Nothing to worry about, she will definitely outgrow this phase and the next thing you know, she'll be a more sensible, accommodating, friendly and loving person.

Mercy me! I am almost (gulps) 63 years old and my daughter is 43. I still have not got it all figured out. Just when I think I have, I find out I haven't. Ask her how she would like for the relationship to be. Maybe that will help. There will be times when my daughter and I will be talking and one or the other will say remember when we would just go out someplace and just get a cup of coffee. We hardly ever do it now but we do maybe go to a c-store and get cappacinno and take it to her house and drink it. It works for us.

Now this is interesting. I have a 21 year old daughter and the last 2 years we have actually become closer than we were before and she even asks my opinion or advice from time to time. I almost fainted the first time she did that. I think our difference now is in the past she always had the "fear" I was going to "make" her do what I thought best. Now I tend to put it this way, "Your an adult and you are going to be responsible for what you do"