Parent or Best Friend? Which am I suppose to be?
By gypsylady28
@gypsylady28 (945)
United States
January 30, 2007 7:38am CST
To me, this is one of the hardest things for a parent to decide. I love my children, but to me, being a parent is the most important. I think there is a line we have to draw between parent and friend. Do you feel the same? My daughter feels that I should be her best friend, not a parent. I was never best friends with my mom, and I think she is the greatest mom ever! She raised me right, gave up alot of stuff for me, and never let me get away with stuff either! We still spend alot of time together and I enjoy that, but to me, my mom is my mom, not my best friend. Our daughter says that we should be her friends first and then parents. She has friends at school, church, etc. Some of her friends have been telling her how they are bests buds with their moms. I have also noticed that many of these children have no limits whatsoever. Many have whatever they want, no chores, cell phones, etc. Are parents buying their children's friendship?
I think I would rather be the best mom possible than the best friend.
10 people like this
79 responses
@quispy (572)
• United States
30 Jan 07
I think that first and foremost we need to be a parent. We need to set limits and enfoce them. Then we can be their friend. I know that I personally don't need a 15 year old best friend, but it is nice that my son and his buddies like to hang out at my house, love it when I'm the driver. They talk to me about most things and always are pleasant and polite to me. They hug and kiss me when they enter my home or car and some even tell me that they love me. So I'm doing something right. I want my home to be the place that the kids want to hang out at, so I try my hardest to make it that way. Growing up, my house was the house that everyone wanted to be at, including me, so I'm trying to make my home that way too.
2 people like this
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I think being a parent is most important. It is our job as a parent to raise our kids to be the best adults they can be. Our kids have plenty of friends, but only one mom and one dad. I think some parents feel so guilty about working full-time they don't want to spend what little time they have with the kids making them mind or do chores. They want to have fun with the kids instead. I think you can do both. For the kids, having fun all the time and not doing chores or having any sort of responsibility does not prepare them for life as adults. Kids really needs discipline and guidelines. It helps teach them right from wrong and boundries. That's why being a parent and not a best friend is so important.
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Yes, I think that might be one of the reasons they don't have their children do any chores. I had never thought of that one! I try to mix things up too. Chores first, and then the fun stuff later.
@talisman (1300)
• United States
31 Jan 07
A parent needs to be a parent first, not a friend. Friends don't always look out for what's best for you (at least not as a kid/teen), they can't always be there, they're not in charge of you, and what happens to you doesn't affect them. It's different when you're a parent. However, that doesn't mean that you can't be a friend and a parent. I've found that once children are adults and out of their "child-like" stage of adulthood as well (completely on their own, in charge of their own lives, self sufficient, etc.), the old parent role transfer well into being a friend role. The job of a parent never ends, but it constantly changes.
1 person likes this
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I like your last statement. I can remember my mom and me fought like cats and dogs when I was around 13-14 yrs. old. I think the younger kids are going thru these stages earlier now. When I was 11, I thought boys were still pretty gross. But now the girls at 10-11 are boy crazy.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I think there is a time to be a friend, and i time to be their mom. I dont agree with parents just buying their kids friendship, those kids will never learn anything. You have to be their mom, their teacher, their friend, and confidant, if you can manage all those at one time or another, your doing great. and i hope i can be a good mom too. i've got a ways to go to get to the point your at. my daughter is only 6 months old. good luck :)
1 person likes this
@moneymind (10510)
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
Right you are, one can be both a mother and a friend to their children, just make sure that you know when is the right time to be a friend and the time to be a mother. greetings. : )
1 person likes this
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
30 Jan 07
It is hard to be a parent and a friend to your children . I try to be both and it never works .
Children don't understand how hard it is to actually say no to them when they are doing something . They feel that we are just trying to be mean ( or so I am always told by mine ) .
I would like to be the best parent I can be to my childrent now and be there best friend when they are older . Being a parent is the hardest job we will ever have in life but it is also the most rewarding .
1 person likes this
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I have heard that also, "your the meanest mom ever", "your ruining my life", or my favorite right now,"you're ruining my love life." At 11 yrs. old. she isn't going to have a love life.
@crysbooth (9)
• United States
31 Jan 07
First of all, who is the parent and who is the child here? Your child should not be telling you how to raise her. We are parents... that means we set the limits. We have to be in charge and make sure our kids are doing what they should to become fully functioning adults. I love my kids, I love playing with them, but I am the parent and I am in charge. They know that mom and dad set the rules. It's great to be friends and get along with your kids, BUT they have to know who is boss. You are! My mom and dad were strict and so was my husbands parents. The kids may hate it now, but they will appreciate how much we cared for them when they have children of theur own.
1 person likes this
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
31 Jan 07
that is exactly what I have told her! I'm the parent your the child. She is going thru the "I know it all stage." She knows what is best for everyone, and goes around pointing out how we are wrong all the time. It is driving me crazy. But she says I'm driving her crazy too (LOL). When she told us she was old enough to go out with a boy, we laughed. That was probably wrong, but an 11 yr. old standing there telling you that she is going to start dating is something I was not prepared for.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
31 Jan 07
To day I am my Girls best friend but they are all grown up. Until they leave home I believe a parent should be a parent and that the kids really want a parent. Parents are there foe leading and teaching and protection. Friends are for fun
1 person likes this
@laneita (78)
• United States
30 Jan 07
i agree with you. i have two daughters 9 an 12. i am first of all there mother. me an my girls have a special bond. but there are lines that you dont cross. my children think of me as there best friend but they also think of me as there mother. they come an talk to me about school an whats going on an i try an be there friend an work them through what ever there problems are. my girl an i are very close an will come to me an talk about anything. but as a mother on my part thats whats there suppost to do an im to help them through it. oh well get crazy sometimes an girls will be girls. but then we come back to eart where mom is mom.
1 person likes this
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
31 Jan 07
From what I have experienced so far, it is harder with my daughter then my son. He is so laid back, and our daughter is drama drama drama.
@spiritwolf52 (2300)
•
31 Jan 07
First and foremost you are a parent. Being best friends with your kids just doesn't work. A friend tends to let things slide where a parent wouldn't.
1 person likes this
@arwenrey (315)
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
I think you should enjoy being a parent and a best friend to your kids because when they grew up they will cherish the relationship you had as best friends and a good mom. You kid will not go astray because as a best friend to your kid she can tell you everything and through this you are able to guide her into the right path. Sure enough your kid will have a bright future, they will not go far away from you even if they got married. You will never be alone and lonely when you grow old because you had established your friendship with your kid that makes you feel young and happy.
1 person likes this
@nightlily (33)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
You're right a line should be drawn between being a parent and a freind. We should desern when to be one. When a stick of rod must be shown to them, then we're parents. When we asked them about their first in everything then we're freinds. Actually I want my kids to also treat me as their best freinds, no secret at all.
@purpur (17)
• Nigeria
31 Jan 07
Do you know that from my own point of view, to your daughter she might be right but from the situation of things and the way things should be you are someone more closer than a friend to her, and you still maintain yourself as her parent.
But you can make her understand that you worth more than best friend to her
1 person likes this
@goldeneye28 (32)
• India
31 Jan 07
in one way ur right.but the generation is changed first u shud b a frd n den ur a parent. we ppl cant tell u some of the things so we goon hiding with u.if u be in a friendly manner we can express all the things clearly with u.
@elisa812 (3026)
• United States
30 Jan 07
I also agree with drawing a line. I think it is important to be a parent first. When I was growing up, I think I probably wanted my mom to be a friend too, but now that I'm older and looking back, I'm really thankful that she acted as a parent. I've heard of some kids who do have mothers that act like friends instead of parents, and they end up resenting it because they don't feel like they have a real parent figure. I think kids really need that parent figure, but that doesn't mean you can't have a great relationship with each other. After a child starts to get older too, I think it can be easier to be friends since they've now learned to take care of themselves and be adults. I'm definitely friends with my mom now that I'm grown, and I really appreciate her cause I can understand more where she was coming from when I was younger.
1 person likes this
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
30 Jan 07
I grew up with a few girls who mothers acted more the friend than the parent. And they did end up resenting it because there mothers were so busy acting the friend, they didn't take care of things that parents do. And I also do not care for how some want their kids to call them by their first names instead of mom.
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
31 Jan 07
yeah i believe its important to be a parents before a friend, and well so many parents make this mistake and well yeah things happen to their kids or their kids just go with life totally different to what they should. thats what i think anyways
1 person likes this
@yorb24 (2179)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Your daughter is saying that right now because she isn't an adult yet. I'm sure she will change her mind when she has her own children. Parents should always be parents first and then friends second. It's important to guide them in the right direction and being just a friend, you can't always do that but as a parent you can.
@angel_eyes88 (181)
• India
31 Jan 07
You can be both, a good mom and a best friend. My mom and I are best friends and she is a great mom too. One thing, which I would like to tell you from a mom's point of view is that you have to be strict at times and explain your kids why being strict is important.
1 person likes this
@paogutierrez (465)
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
I agree with you. Parents should draw a line being their children's parent and best friend at the same time. Parents should serve as a great friend, a more mature friend to be exact, to their children. They can give advice, serve as role models to their kids. It is important that their kids feel comfortable with them but respect them as well. Even parents and kids are the best buddies, parents should still be firm in the rules they set. :)
