should i forgive
By allancox
@allancox (4)
July 3, 2006 9:52am CST
my mum left us 4 kids with my alcoholic father when we were little, she walked out for a younger man. my father use to be passed out on the lounge when i got home for school every afternoon. i was about 11 years old and had to care for my 9 & almost 2 year old brother and 5 year old sister. i would get them from school take them home feed them clean the house and take them out every afternoon, my baby brother use to stink and be crying when id get home from school.
my father could not care for us and made it clear that he only wanted my baby brother and we could go where ever we wanted. any way we went to live with my grandmother and had a good life after that, we didnt see either parent much and when we did he was drunk or she had been beat up.
well im now 31 years old and i have a wonderful family of my own, i have a 15 year old daughter but the man i am with now is not her real father, she went to live with my sister whom i dont have a lot to do with. we had some trouble with my 15 year old and her father flew over from where he now lives with his family, we were having a talk to the boy 24 year old boy that we were having the problem with, when along came my so called father that has nothing to do with me or my children and starts yelling at everyone, i had my 3,4,& 5 year children in the yard playing and i asked him to have some respect for my family and to stop yelling, he didnt so i made my children go inside and come back out and again asked him to stop. still nothing he just keep yelling and swearing at myself, my daughters father and this boy.
i even thought at one stage that he was going to hit one of us, but when your drunk you have a lot of courage. then he turned to my daughters father and said what kind of a father are you, you went and left your daughter? that killed me and i was furious i told him in no polite way to get out of my yard and my life and what about what he had done, and if he didnt leave right now that i was going to call the police and have him charged.
now he is sick and i dont know what is wrong with him but my mum says that my sister is worried about him, and my partner is saying that i should talk to him because if some thing does happen then i might regret not talking to him and i dont know what to do? my elder brother has nothing to do with him and said he will never talk to him for as long as he lives, my father walk straight past him in the street bumped into him and said sorry he didnt even know who he was. my sister does every thing for my father and treats him like gold she thinks he is the best thing that has ever happened she even rented a house with a flat down stairs so him and his wife could live there, then there is my younger brother who is 22 years old and has spent more time in detention homes and jails then he has out of them, he also has a lot to do with our father when he is out.
i dont want to forgive him for what he has done but i do love him and would want him to know that but i dont want to have a relationship with him after what he has done. i use to get on with my father and i was the apple of his eye for a long time, but he change and i didnt like the person he had become.
3 people like this
9 responses
@serene2 (278)
• New Zealand
9 Jan 07
Hi allancox,
the sooner you deal with the situation the better.
For you, your father,and your children.
Yes he obviously was not a very good role model for you and your siblings.
But you have learned from this.
That is that you won't treat your own children like that.
Life is short and you need to forgive him.
Hate what he did to you's, but make room for the man and for you's to mend fences before its too late.
Good luck to you.
@praiseitem (515)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
Great question, sad story. Sorry you had to go through that crap. Let me ask you 1 question. If you don't forgive, what does that do to you? It keeps you thinking about all the bad things and people in your life that did you wrong. Preventing you from having a healthy and productive life, and probably paying a shrink to talk about your problems when he's no better off.
Short but true story: I have 2 people in my life that are physiologists. They're lives are so messed up, they should be paying me to listen to their issues.
There is a awesome book call "The freedom of Forgiveness." If you can find it, it's worth the search. Good Luck & God Bless
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
21 Nov 06
Thios is very hard one I agree with your Partner talk to your Father you don't have to forgive him as I can see you could not do that and you have good reasons But do talk to him and even tell him that you love him but it does not mean you have forgiven him
I suggest to be at ease with yourself talk to him and take it from there as I agree with your Partner if anything happens you might regret it
@kulanuwun (1404)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 07
God said that we have forgive in 7x77 times in a day, thats very impossible if we thought with human minds. But we have to.
@arseniajoaquin (1732)
• Philippines
17 Dec 06
Yes, forgive whoever is to be forgiven. Don't fill your heart with ill-feelings. Anyway, you have survived despite so many adversities in life which many of us suffer from too. The Holy Bible says, forgive not only seven times but 7 x 70 which means countless. Let God make the vengeance for you.
@slimes (353)
• Ukraine
6 Jan 07
The Act of Forgiveness is one of the best qualities of a good christain..So if you are one!!;no matter what happens always leave everything for God and try to forgive
@QnAQueen (555)
• United States
6 Jul 06
although i may not know exactly what you're going through, i really feel for you and your family.
forgiveness is a special gesture. it would mean alot to your father if you could reach out and do that for him. your partner is right. you might regret not having done it if or when something does happen to your dad.
i do not want to preach, but remember, if God can forgive, all the more people like us should learn to forgive as well.
i grew up not particularly close to my dad, although we had an okay relationship. he was not usually home because he was in the air force and was assigned to many different places and was gone for weeks at a time. when he gre older, though, and had gotten ill, i tried to help take care of him, feed him, talk to him at his bedside, spend time with him, etc. those were the best days! it made me feel really close to my dad, and i had absolutely no regrets about anything after he passed away.
family will always be family, no matter what you go through or what they put you through. good luck. keep me posted. i'll keep you in my prayers.
@classicaljazz (1628)
• United States
3 Jul 06
In the question of forgiveness the answer is always "yes". Is it easy? No and does it mean that you trust them and let them in your life full force? NO! But no one knows what you can handle better than you do. We're here if you need to talk.
@Shakes (7)
•
4 Jul 06
I have a similar situation, my dad left when i was 5, used to come home just to beat on my mother and we hardly saw him, he eventually married the woman he left us for (she had 2 children of her own that he raised), the last year he left her and needed a place to stay and guess who he came to, my husband agreed that he can stay with us, it was difficult for me as I never had him around, I struggled at first,,,,eventually I decided to forgive him and move on, forgiving does not mean you have to forget, you forgiving him will just give you personally some peace as it wil illeviate some of the anger you feel towards him. Your life with your family is what is important now, so forgive him and move on, focus on being happy with your loved ones.
