Why do we hang on ....
By simplyjesse
@simplyjesse (13)
Philippines
February 1, 2007 4:46pm CST
A very good friend of mine just sent me a message this weekend that just keeps on popping into my head every now and then. I wouldn't say that it's bothering me. Nor is it an eye-opener for me. I am very well aware of the situation I am in. I, after all created it. What, you ask, did I do? ... I asked my husband of 5 years to go and spread his wings. I wanted him to find out if he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and our two children. And I knew and accepted whatever consequence life was going to deal me. He chose to fly... He's now working overseas and has had a series of girlfriends. We've been separated for 3.5 years. But we still keep in touch. We actually talk over the phone at least once a week. Although he doesn't hide that fact that he has other relationships we have declared our love for one another on many occassions. I guess it's already obvious that I am still very much in love with him. He, on the other hand, I can never get a straight answer from. There are times when I almost think that we are still together. Then there are moments as well, when I just feel this terrible loss. I hate the feeling that I don't know what's going on and I have absolutely no control over it. Many times I have wished to just let him go. But I love him too much. I am still waiting for him to come back. At one point, I almost told him that I was willing to wait forever. It took a lot to hold back those words. I needed to save that last vestige of diginity I had left. I am so close to breaking. And so I ask "WHY DO WE HANG ON"?!?!? The message from my friends goes ......."I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't really have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than absolutely nothing. But the truth is ... to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."
2 responses
@ksstormhunter (792)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Its called being human. Our emotions are so much a part of our life, especially in the area of love. That is such a strong emotion, one that can scar you for many years or keep coming back to haunt you. The hardest thing for us to do is to ensure we take charge of our emotions, instead of letting them take charge of us. If we can do this, we can move on.
1 person likes this
@simplyjesse (13)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
I keep telling myself that I am in control of how and what I feel. That I have learned to accept my current situation. But when you're lying alone in bed or when you find yourself in school activities where other kids dads are present, my kids birthdays, christmas etc. etc., thoughts of letting go and moving on simply don't come into the picture. There's that terrible sinking, feeling that just won't go away. My dad always says that if you lose something, don't bother looking for it. It was lost for a reason. Could be that someone else needed it more or that it was never meant for you. One thing I have learned through all these is to be strong and keep gathering strength.
@iamnumbed (164)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
i hang on to a lost love because i dont think i can ever find something this wonderful again. i trick myself into thinking that. we all have our reasons. however, i know i will wake up one day and i can finally say, i have to move on.. and i will. there will be something or someone better. i just hope i find it before my time runs out.
i admire your courage for doing this. have a nice day!
1 person likes this
