My mother made the decision for me

I understand why you feel g uilty. It sounds like your mom did a good job making you feel bad for all she's done to you. Everything I have ever learned about bad relationships will tell you straight up that it is healthy to rid yourself of psychologically negative and hurtful people. If you make a decision today to release her from your life, it might hurt for awhile, but think of all the future heartache you'll be saving yourself.

Tis a shame when family cannot be there for each other. I guess that the line has beend drawn. Personally with all the crap you have survived, I would think that this would be welcome. Less stressors in your life. Not sure why the hubby is thrilled, is it for you? or himself? Sorry that you made the second wrong to make it right by mouthing and hanging up. Stooped to her level. Oh well, it is done now. You now have the opportunity to change your life into something better. This is the third strike. So if anything were to change it will have to be from her. She has made it clear and obviously has not earned the right to be involved in your life. Tis a shame that the children will be the ones to miss out on grandparenting. Guess she wasn't capable anyway. Time to move one. Take this opportunity and run with it. Good luck my friend. All my prayers are with you!

Just forgive your mother although whatever she saying is very hurtful, just learn to love her and i believe in the power of prayer, dont talk to her just now, she will be okay in the future, the same mother will love you and be nice to you, god alone can bring about that change

sweetie, no one deserves to be treated like that espically by their own mother, you are probably better off without her, less stress on urself. you can't make everyone happy in your life, you have to make yourself happy. So please do not feel guilty about it, and just go on with your life, she will be the one that will realize what she did wrong and will have to live with the regrets, not you.

You have worked hard for everything you have, I reckon was jealous of you from the start, she never liked you and she made the message clear from her words. Try to be kind to her, offer her a helping hand before its too late, you only get to have one mother, no matter how bad its been, please just try to resolve things with her because there may never be a tomorrow and it will kill you inside, blaming yourself that you should've done more. I speak this from experience and I don't want anyone else to learn this the hard way so please try to make things work

im sorry to hear your mother is so crude to you. it sounds like you have made an effort and she doesnt care so leave it. the best thing to do would be to pray for her. Pray for her salvation, pray that her hard heart is softened. If you keep on trying to talk to her and have a relationship with her, when she clearly is upset that you arent stuck up her butt, you're going to end up hurt more and more by her mean words. If you can move on with life w/o having to deal with her and just keep praying for her, you will be better off. good luck to you. i hope something works out.

You have nothing to feel guilty about as many others have said. Your mother has 'programmed' you to feel guilty if she is not the centre of your world. Make a new life for yourself and your own family. Also I always remember the words my mother said when I said I owed her a lot, they were; "You don't owe me anything, I chose to have you and I owed it to you to give the best care I could." Your other relatives may realise just what your mother is really like when she transfers the behaviour that's no longer going to work with you to one of them.

It sounds to me that your mother did a good job making you feel guilty. I would suggest that you try to stay away from your mother so that she can not lay another guilt trip on you. I would suggest that to stop feeling guilty that you start going to church so that you can feel more that God loves you and also try to go out and to do good things for other people. If you do good things for others then you can think about doing these good things and your feeling of guilt will lessen. Oh, well, these are just suggestions.

Oh the ties that bind... sometimes they really do bind don't they. Your relationship with your mom sounds just like my best friend's relationship with her mom. It is really a shame how some people are, and especially with their own children. You need to ask yourself a few things. If this person was not your mom, would you take as much as you do and work as hard as you can, only to be let down consistently? Or would you have walked away already? The reason you put up with her behavior, is it possibly because somewhere deep down inside you are looking to get her "approval" ? In other words, are you hoping she will come around and realize not only what a good daughter you are,but what a good person you are? I know you fight..then don't speak for awhile, but who always comes around first? Who always "gives-in" ? Will she treat your children like this? Are you prepared to put them through the same emotional beating that she puts you through consistently? Do you think she will treat them like gold while she treats you like trash? Does she if you have children? If she is hateful to them too, then is it worth it..is it worth the scars they will suffer as a result? Are you trying to teach them that love prevails through thick and thin? Because I can assure you that they will not understand that message until they are alot older...of they even get it at all..more than likely all they will learn is how you keep letting her hurt you and what do you think they will think of you as a result? Do you think they will think your a strong woman? I assure you no.. that is not what they think.. That is not what my best friend's kids think of their mom...they think she is stupid and weak.. and now that they are young adults and older teenagers they try to play her the same way to get their way... Please remember that she is your mom.. but she does not have to be your friend. And you can move on without her. It is up to you to decide what to do, and it stems not only from how much you are willing to take, but you must also consider how much you are willing to put your own family through for the sake of "hoping she will change" and chances are she will not... My personal advice is to leave the door open.. if she wants to come through it, ok.. if not.. it is her loss.. truly.. her loss.. not yours... you cant lose what you don't have... in the meantime move on... you can hear how she is doing through other family members... so you can be aware without having to be involved.. and remember that if she never comes through your open door, it is not because you did not invite her there..it is because she chooses not to... and there is no guilt to be found in that... Also remember this.... your husband hates your mom because of what she does to you... he can probably see whats going on a little bit more objectively than you do as you are prone to excuse some of her behavior because she is your mom.. you have ties to her that he does not have... do not get angry with him for caring about you and hoping this brings peace to his life...he truly cares about you or this would not bring him so much glee... so instead of being irritated...think not only about all she has put you through since you have been with him, but think about how him knowing and seeing how much she hurts you and how much this has put BOTH of you through.. he is probably ready to see you happy again... and he probably feels relieved that he does not have to keep watching her get under your skin and watch what that does to you.. and feel helpless to help you and what that does to him.. Take care. In other words are you going through all this

Hi. I feel for you. Only you know in your heart if you wish to cut your mother out of your life. I personally would suggest doing this and living life with your husband and leaving all this heartache behind. But I know it is not that easy. After all regardless of anything else she is still your mother. I hope that you can find the right decision for you, and if you ever need a sympathetic ear message me. All the best. xxxx

I don't knowwhy you put up with her as longas you did. Some people just don't care what other peopledo or think. Your mother is obviously one of these people. She is what is called a sociopath, or possibly evn by now a psychopath. you are truly better off not having anything to do with her, since no matter how hard you try, you can never please her. I have a sister likethat, she always blamed me and my sibs for everything thatwent wrong in her life from being poor to her having too amny children. Yes, that was my fault because I was the "perfect mother" and she thought she had to do better than me. At least that was her excuse. Shequit school at age 15 andgot pregnant immediately by a drunk, she never learned to even cook a hamburger and fed her kids on canned goods and takeout, then blamed us when her oldest got sick. She actually stole my wedding ring and pawned it because "You don't need it any more. its not like you're still married." I've cut off all contact with her because she went out of her way to make me feel bad, and put the blame on me. I'm a much happier person for it. So, hon, don't feel bad if you don't cow down to yopur mother's demands. Build your own family and have a good life. Prove her wrong! That's the best revenge you could ever have

is hard to start over but this is the only thing you can do. she's your mother anyway... but if she decides not to talk to you.... this is it. if i were you i would send her some flowers and a note... to tell her that in spite of what happend i love her, cause she's my mother and if she ever decides to reconsider her thoughts i'll accept to try to solv our problems. that will make you feel better and maybe she will think again about what she have done. I guess she's a little gelous beceuse she's not having all your atention now... you have your own family . you can try talk to a psychologist if you really feel bad...it will make you understand the situation better

It seems to me that your dad makes enough to get someone to come in to help out with your mother. If they are losing their house, it sounds like a mismanagement of funds on his or her part. That's not something you would have any control over, therefore it couldn't possibly be your fault in any way. I think your mother may be an emotional cripple (as my mother was). She seems to be relying on you to provide the emotional responses ans support that she should be providing herself. It sounds like she's very good at manipulating your feelings. People like that usually are. You need to take control of your own life and emotionally dstance yourself from her. That may or may not involve physical distance also. At least in the beginning. You have a responsibility to you own child, your husband and of course, yourself. It's now time to take care of yourself as an adult and give yourself some of the emotional pats on the back that you didn't get from your mother as a child. You have other siblings who can help. Perhaps they can pitch in with your father to get someone to come in and help her with the things she cannot do herself. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It involves literally reteaching yourself how to think about who you and how you deal with things. But the rewards are immeasurable. If you can succesfully distance yourself emotionally from the way your mother acts and take control of the way you feel about her actions and words, you may be able to have some kind of relationship with her. People who do this to their children often don't have the slightest clue of the damage it does to the child. Once she learns that she no longer has the power to make you feel like a bad little girl because she didn't get her way, she may even start acting differently toward you, but don't count on it. It doesn't always happen. I think your husband also needs to put his own feelings aside for a little while and help and support you in these changes. At least until you get stronger with them. This will not only help you, but it will strengthen the bond between the two of you.

hey I'll tell you straight up from being in a similar situation MOVE ON sounds mean but trust me its for the best you will be far less stressed and you'll find through time when you must deal with your mom you can do it with a smile and really drive her crazy you don't need to call your mom to see how everyone is doing call people directly if they want to talk about your mom tell them NO when mom's are that controling believe me you'll know if anything mager happens to her go build a good relationship with your husband and friends

I know people say family are important , but if your family don't want to know you it is their loss , Please just get on with your life ( you can do it) and make new friends and just show your family that you can survive without them , good luck and God Bless xxxx

oh dear, I can't imagine having your mother treat you like that, I guess I was lucky with my parents they were the best, I know it is for me to say but I would suggest you just create your own happy safe world, you must be happy in life, life is so short...

You mentioned that she was mad at you for calling but at the same time said you didn't care about her... Sounds like a lose lose situation. If there is no chance of winning, why play the game. I think you made the right choice. I'm sure that there will be some that say that they think it is wrong to stop talking to her. Remember though... Just because she gave birth to you does not mean she has the right to treat you like garbage. As for your husband. Is is happy or smug. From his point of view, he has most likely seen your mother repeatedly break you down and has felt powerless to help you because you eventually subject yourself to the way she treats you again. He really shouldn't be smug about it, but I can imagine that he senses some relief of his own that you won't be talking to her because he won't have to watch powerless as she hurts you again and again anymore.

Some mess u are in some mess arent you. Did i read correct that she has been bad to you since childhood, then you have two choices: 1. If you really want to make up, go over to her house and tell her exactly how she makes you feel, have a chat for atleast an hour come what may. 2. Ignore her taunts and behave the way shr is behaving with you, that is tell her how she ignores you and how you are sick of her complaints. If she is just trying to make you feel bad this will make her stop. If both fail and they wont, you really have to accept life as it is and live on.

CatEyes, I mean this in the best possible way and in your best interest... Dont You Dare Feel Guilty. That is exactly what she wants you to do. She is the one that is selfish. You deserve to have your own family and your own life. She has lived hers and it is her turn to let you live yours. Think of this as a long break from her aggravation and let her call you when she gives up her stubborn constant CONTROL. I am an only child of a divorced mother who was brutal when I was growing up and still plays games and tries to control and take advantage. Hell, she even scared potential husbands for me away. I turned it around on her throughout the years but she still tries to take over..however, when I get steamed enough she backs off. Stay strong and forget about guilt. That is what she has embedded in your brain and you need to take this time to take control and let her sit in the mess she made until she gives up and calls. Trust me..this usually works. Smile, you're in the driver's seat now. Hope you feel better real soon.

these is good thing that ur mother made decision for u my mom is also like that she always try to help me and i also think that my mom will help me for all perpose