Professional smart-assery requires props

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Note to self: keep gold stars on your person for such situations that require you acknowledge the intellectual contributions of others. (yay, stickers!) keep a polaroid camera handy, so when you tell people to "take a picture, it'll last longer," they can. keep a sign in your car that you can hold up when, as you are getting something out of your car and not leaving, you can let the person waiting behind you with their blinker on know. without the whole pantomime. carry with you at all times some tap shoes so when people say "gosh, i am bored" you can whip them out and entertain. because why the fu*k else would they be telling you? make some notes with helpful hints like "ask your guests if they need straws for their drinks" and use these in place of conventional tips at restaurants with crappy service. somebody's gotta tell them.