When a mother leaves her child to work abroad...does that make her a bad mother?

I don't think you are wrong to leave your child. For one, you're leaving him with his father, and his grandparents. It's not as though you're just abandoning him. Your reasons for going abroad are also very altruistic, you're just wanting your son to get the best chance in life. I think that what you're doing is brave, you know the possible consequences, but you're doing it anyway. He will recognise you when you get back. My dad worked away for the first year or two after I was born, and apparently, I didn't know him for a couple of weeks, but after that, things were fine.

Your baby has both needs, your prescence as a mother, and his needs for say, education, etc... both are important and both are his rights.. You have to choose which one to sacrifice.. But choosing to leave your child to work abroad does not make you a bad mother..

I admire you guts to do so, in deciding to leave your family and work. Nobody could judge you as a bad mother. You would do leaving them is an unselfish thing to do. It won't be easy being alone in a strange place and knowing that you left a part of you here in our own country. I wish you success and strenght when you're already there. Just be strong and be patient.

we all want what's best for our kids... it just so happens we have different ways and means of how we're going to be able to show it... having to go abroad and leave your child behind doesn't make one a bad mom (or parent) esp. if it's done for the best of intentions... which in your case is being able to provide a better life for your family... yeah, you'll miss every "firsts" but that's the trade off... but hey with today's technology, you can be with him everyday... so... he can still get to see you and hear you...

You know what? I've been comtemplating on going abroad too to give my children a better future for which sad to say I can't when I stay here in the country but the thought of leaving them just tore me apart. I don't think I can just go and maintain my sanity even for short time without them. I'm not saying it's bad, I know we, all mothers have good intentions for our children, i can feel that in your words here, all I can say is the price we have to pay for leaving our children is way too high and if you're willing to pay for it then go for it.

Of course not.. It doesnt mean that you leave your child for work you became a bad mother or a bad parent. Your realtionship with your child shouldnt be affected by what sometimes bothers us. We sometimes feel guilty when we think that we should be the one taking care of our children because we are their mother. In the first place why do we feel that way? Maybe because it is in our culture that we mothers should stay at home and do stuff in house including taking care of our babies, doing chores, cleaning the house, etc. But now it is not very practical to just stay at home because it is not enough that in a family only one is working. Everything is very expensive this days and we cant help but find a better job that can able to help in our everyday finances.

no u are not a bad mother because u donot leave ur child for ever . ur baby is only seven month and thatwhy ur parents can take care of him/her . u also go their for his/her bright future . so go their without any things keep in a mind . after 3 week everythings will be ok and ur child have good and secure future .

Yes and No. Yes, its bad when you know that the baby needs you and No, if there's no other way but to go abroad.

it doesnt make you a bad mom! im a parent too i also like to work abroad someday to secure the future of my 2 year old daughter. we only want what's BEST for them and i know you want your child to understand your intention for leaving her. your not actually leaving her but you'll be gone for a while to work to give your child a good life and good future. i think all parents wish for that.

It is a very hard question and I can understand how confused you are. I wish I could help or give you an advice but actually I myself dont know what I would have done if I were you.It is hard to leave your child specially at that age. why cant you take him with you or find yourself a job where you are?

I don't think you will be considered as a bad mother if you'll leave your son to work abroad. You will be going there not for vacation, but to work to secure the future of your son. My dad worked abroad up to the time I was in college but it did not affect our closeness. We always talk to him on the phone, send him letters & cards, send him tapes with our voice recording on it (that time, chat & email is not readily available). And we always make it a point, that everytime he's here for vacation, that we always spend quality time with him. It also helps that my mom is always around us and she really explained to us the reason why my dad has to work abroad so she really made us aware of the sacrifices that my dad has taken to give us a better future. So it would also help if your husband and your parents can do the same thing to your son. We live in a high tech world now so communication is easier compared before. You can talk to your son as often as you want. there a re a lot of ways to communicate with him - email, chat, pc to pc calls, web cam, etc. So your son will still recognize you even if you're miles away from him.

You're not a bad mom to leave. You are leaving your child with your parents and you are going to work for his/her future. Your kid will not even remember that you weren't around. What I suggest though is for you to really save up for the years that you will be gone and come back when your child is bigger. Your bigger kid will know more than he/she did when he/she was little. I grew up without a mom but my dad and my grandma took her place, when I was 15, I went to the US to live with my mom, it's more important to bond when you come back. I'm sure you will be supporting your child from working abroad. Don't forget that, some parents do, I don't think you will since you will be with your husband. A child 6 and up can remember more and the older they get the more they will demand. It may be material things or emotional, I hope by then you will be around for them. If I had the chance, I would probably leave my kids to work to give them a better future. I guess I'm still lucky I can study and be with my kids. Then hopefully once I'm a nurse we can all leave together for the US.

I think you made your decision based on what you think is best given your circumstances. Whatever you decide, there are always sacrifices to be made and yours is an especially tough one.

No, not at all. You will leave your child because you will work abroad and not to abandon him. It's just that there's a lot sacrifices that you have to face. And you are very right with your worries and fears when leaving your child very young. Me too is applying for work abroad and by just thinking that I gonna leave my 3 year old son.... it really makes me cry. Actually I am now. :-(

In my oppinion a child most important's life is at 0-5 years old. in these age, you could determine his/her future. I always say that a baby is like a blank drawing paper. It is up to their parents to draw whatever outcome they would like to see. A baby at this age is really need his/her mother more than anyone else. Of course the father could help, but a loving mother is beyond anything else. If you want to have the best for your child, I think you should stay by his/her side. For financial matter, you would never know what kind of opportunity might come up in the future. You might never know that you could be better of by staying with your baby and working in your own city.

For me ideally mothers should stick to their children at all times. But I know your situation where income opportunities here in our country really sucks. I know in our country there are many mothers like you who are really working abroad to seek better future for their child/ren. I wish you the best and always think that you are doing this for your child. Hopefully your child will understand you when he grows up without you.

no your not a bad mother.your thinking your son's future someday.it is not true that your son won't recognize you when you come back. for me, i am not with my daughter she's living with my in-laws.she's far from me and we visit her twice a week only and during weekends.i thought she would not recognize us as her parents but surprisingly she recognize us and call us tatay and nanay.what my in-laws do for us to recognize is she kept explaining to our daughter that we are her parents, we are far from her for her future and for her to buy her milk and food.we had a picture and kept pointing that we are her parents. maybe that would be tips for parents who are away with their kids. explain it to them why you need to work far.eventhough they can't understand yet. like you, im planning to work abroad.i can't give my daughter's best if i'll work here in philippines.eventhough my husband is also working.we can't achieve to have our own house and lot if we depend only on our salary.how much more if she is already studying.you want the best for your child. goodluck dear.

I guess since you say 3 weeks from now.. then you have actually made that decision. People have different needs and priorities. Me, for one, cannot leave my daughter overnight for whatever reason. Resgining from work even crossed my mind just to be a full time parent to her. I eventually will though. I just have to financially prepare for this. I prioritize my child's EQ over anything i need to develop for her. I am not in your shoes and i don't understand what you're going through. So i can't judge you for your decision. Just be ready for all possible trials and heartaches.

leaving your child is a tough decision for you. like we all know, most parents especially the mothers would do anything for their children and leaving them to work abroad is one of their possible choice. i think what will make you a good or bad mother is how your child will grow up in the future. if he would be guided by the fact that all your sacrifices are for him, that you love him very much then he would be able to understand your reasons for leaving him early. with the new technology that we have now, it won't be that difficult to monitor his firsts... you may not be there physically but you'll be able to catch on his acitivities. with frequent talks on the phone, you'll never be forgotten. deep inside his heart he'll know that someone out there is his mother that loves him so much :)

are you going to the US to work? if yes, maybe you can find an employer who would be willing to sponsor you and that way you can get your son and husband to join you. my daughter is still in the philippines and it's been 5 years since i last saw her. but does it make me a bad mother? no because i've worked so hard to give her a good life in the philippines. and i make sure that we are in constant communication and i am updated with her life's happenings. my only advice to you is to be strong because the first few months would be very hard. you might probably spend most of your salary buying phonecards to call your family back home. and at times when you feel like giving up, hold on to your faith and ask for strength but if your heart tells you to be with your family, never have second thoughts and just come home. nothing is more important than peace of mind and heart. maybe the opportunity for a better job will come knocking at your door again at a better time. goodluck!