Am I Wrong?
@princess07031980 (5412)
United States
February 3, 2007 10:52am CST
I found out I am pregnant a few weeks ago. The father and I are not married and have had a very rocky and unhealthy relationship the entire time we have been together. The relationship has been full of blame, lies, heartache, arguing, and to me nothing has changed ever except for the worse. We are not together anymore. He is very controlling of me, in many ways. He has hacked my computer probably a hundred times, but says that he has the right to do that whenever it happens. With the pregnancy, I have told him I want to go the doctor's visits alone, as I do not feel bonded to him anymore and this is my pregnancy. He argues that this is our child together and he thinks he has the right to go with me at any time. I told him I would not keep anything form him, as I realize that this is his child too, but that isn't good enough for him. He always argues the fact that I need to be around him while I am pregnant because he also has the right to have his baby hear his voice while in utero. He argues with me that pregnant women are supposed to want all the love and support they can get, and because I don't (from him), I must be crazy. He says everyone he talked to thinks I am crazy too, for shutting him out and not allowing him to be with me all the time. (But he lies so much, I doubt anyone even knows about this yet.) I also feel I am preparing myself for single motherhood for this baby. I will be the one to financially support him/her, because I have my own apartment, a job, a car-he has none of these. He has offered moral support, which I don't feel I need from him. I have family and friends who will offer support that doesn't come with the stress and troubles. So my question is this...am I wrong for wanting to do this alone? Is he right with the way he feels? He actually wanted me to post this on Mylot to see what unbiased people say. PLEASE all responses welcome....
2 responses
@pebbles724 (642)
• United States
3 Feb 07
I think you are doing the right thing for yourself and your baby. If he is as you say then for you to stay with him because of the baby would not be good for you or for your baby. He will always be a part of your baby's life because he is the biological father, but he needs to show you that he is willing to change and to be a responsible parent. If he cannot do this and if he cannot support his child then I would not want him in my life.
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Well of course there are 2 sides to every story and he would most likely argue this the entire way. But thank you-I am willing to be friends with him and all, but really I am totally prepared to do this alone.
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I realize that being intimate is wrong and there fore we cannot be together like that at all. I am willing to be firends-and I am glad to see you-what is wrong with dinner? It doesn't mean that I feel the way I once did, it does mean that I am still willing to be social, civil, and spend some time with you.
@princess07031980 (5412)
• United States
4 Feb 07
We don't have a way together. Even if circumstances were different I would still raise this child alone-guaranteed.
@sculptress (4)
• United States
3 Feb 07
I don't think you are wrong for wanting to do this alone. Your baby's dad is manipulative and dominant and having problems w/him are the least things you need to have during your pregnancy.
If you see yourself already as a single mom why don't you get a restraining order? I am not saying that you will never let him see his child, but at least during the pregnancy you will be at peace.
Other thing you can do, is allow him have a supervised visit once a week so that he talks to the baby in utero for 1 hour, reads a story or plays music, but what you can't do is keep on going with so many problems. JMO
