Victor - My Poem. Comment on this at mylot.
By Geoas
@ashjoe76 (1422)
India
February 3, 2007 3:33pm CST
Here is a copy of my poem, originally published in Triond. Dear mylot friends, please do read this and make a comment. As you may perhaps know, a comment from my friends here means a lot to me. Thank you.
VICTOR
I drank my mother’s milk
To grow up tall and declare
My independence,
To assert my freedom from
The folly of human relationships.
I was brought up by the ethics
Of an organized religion
Which formed my sensibilities,
And lent me the essence of existence,
If not the lesser evils of social status
And recognition that came along…
But I chose to defy
Its authoritarian outlook later
To prove a point,
And for fun.
I was led to the pinnacles of love
By my peers who showed me
The skeletons of passion
Gnawing at living flesh
Bared by godless souls.
I did stay there for a while
And called it the valley of the dead.
I did call out deafeningly
From the safe summit of my life
For darkness from the depths
Of God’s sin.
I did play down
The game of fidelity
To taste sweetness in death
And shun all failure.
The deluded dissenter in me
Did make me applaud
The foul players who forged my life
And tear apart the ones who deserved
Success, plainly because
They were not like me.
I drank blood
From my own veins
To gain the wisdom
Of survival,
To learn that it means nothing
To die when it’s possible
To kill and live.
I forsake my pleasures
For My Pleasure.
I am the victor
And my trophies aplenty
Will decorate my marble vault
While the worms hesitate
Before they devour my
Noble self.
5 people like this
7 responses
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
3 Feb 07
Well I am seriously impressed, and I hope you know me well enough to realise that I am not saying that out of politeness, but because I really mean it. It is a long time since I finished my English Literature degree, and I have not criticised a poem for many years now, - but I would say I found it almost frightening, which I guess was your intention. The imagery is very strong, - very "gothic" too, if you know what I mean. I feel there is a lot of pent-up anger and emotion within it. Thank you for publishing it here, so that we can read and enjoy your work.
2 people like this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
3 Feb 07
Thanks friend! Yes, you are right - a lot of pent up anger and emotion (to be precise, frustruation) is there! But I strted it up in a light-hearted mood, just trying to expose some people I couldn't stand, but ended up speaking in the first person! I don't know what effect it created. :)
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
4 Feb 07
Well, that is the effect it created with me, I guess other people may see it differently, as that is the beauty of poetry. It can be different things to different people.
2 people like this
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have to say it is a good poem but yet it leads you in several directions as though you are still yet confused by your own twisted thoughts that come out ever so good I am proud that it was published I have not seen a poem so yet challenging for a meaning or misconception in a while the words you chose so gracefully positioned with just a hint of reality.It in all is a very very good poem you should be proud very very proud.
1 person likes this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
7 Feb 07
Thanks for taking the poem seriously. Yes, it is true that I was pulled to different directions while writing the poem. The thoughts are no well-organised perhaps, as I wrote it in a haphazard manner, as I said before, not even conscious of its form. But I felt that it had some power simply because it came out of some strong feelings.
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
4 Feb 07
wow man you are brave..first you assert yourself..then you bow down to reality..then you look to Heaven..awesome
@independent_inAK (274)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Yeah, I'm sorry but I didn't get it either. I love poetry and I put myself in the poems I read but I couldn't place myself in this one. There were a few lines that I could connect with but then it went to something else.
Keep following your dreams and desires. It looks like you've already got a good fan club of people that do relate to your writings.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Wow!! This is a Good poem. A Very interesting Read for sure. Really enjoyed reading it.