Victor - My Poem. Comment on this at mylot.

@ashjoe76 (1422)
India
February 3, 2007 3:33pm CST
Here is a copy of my poem, originally published in Triond. Dear mylot friends, please do read this and make a comment. As you may perhaps know, a comment from my friends here means a lot to me. Thank you. VICTOR I drank my mother’s milk To grow up tall and declare My independence, To assert my freedom from The folly of human relationships. I was brought up by the ethics Of an organized religion Which formed my sensibilities, And lent me the essence of existence, If not the lesser evils of social status And recognition that came along… But I chose to defy Its authoritarian outlook later To prove a point, And for fun. I was led to the pinnacles of love By my peers who showed me The skeletons of passion Gnawing at living flesh Bared by godless souls. I did stay there for a while And called it the valley of the dead. I did call out deafeningly From the safe summit of my life For darkness from the depths Of God’s sin. I did play down The game of fidelity To taste sweetness in death And shun all failure. The deluded dissenter in me Did make me applaud The foul players who forged my life And tear apart the ones who deserved Success, plainly because They were not like me. I drank blood From my own veins To gain the wisdom Of survival, To learn that it means nothing To die when it’s possible To kill and live. I forsake my pleasures For My Pleasure. I am the victor And my trophies aplenty Will decorate my marble vault While the worms hesitate Before they devour my Noble self.
5 people like this
7 responses
@willocfc (963)
• Australia
3 Feb 07
First of congrats on getting your poem published =) I was hooked after the first two lines, you write beauitifully and honestly.
3 people like this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
3 Feb 07
Thank you friend. To write beautifully and honestly, that's still a dream for me!
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6113)
3 Feb 07
Well I am seriously impressed, and I hope you know me well enough to realise that I am not saying that out of politeness, but because I really mean it. It is a long time since I finished my English Literature degree, and I have not criticised a poem for many years now, - but I would say I found it almost frightening, which I guess was your intention. The imagery is very strong, - very "gothic" too, if you know what I mean. I feel there is a lot of pent-up anger and emotion within it. Thank you for publishing it here, so that we can read and enjoy your work.
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
3 Feb 07
Thanks friend! Yes, you are right - a lot of pent up anger and emotion (to be precise, frustruation) is there! But I strted it up in a light-hearted mood, just trying to expose some people I couldn't stand, but ended up speaking in the first person! I don't know what effect it created. :)
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6113)
4 Feb 07
Well, that is the effect it created with me, I guess other people may see it differently, as that is the beauty of poetry. It can be different things to different people.
2 people like this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
5 Feb 07
Of course! Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@funnysis (2619)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have to say it is a good poem but yet it leads you in several directions as though you are still yet confused by your own twisted thoughts that come out ever so good I am proud that it was published I have not seen a poem so yet challenging for a meaning or misconception in a while the words you chose so gracefully positioned with just a hint of reality.It in all is a very very good poem you should be proud very very proud.
1 person likes this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
7 Feb 07
Thanks for taking the poem seriously. Yes, it is true that I was pulled to different directions while writing the poem. The thoughts are no well-organised perhaps, as I wrote it in a haphazard manner, as I said before, not even conscious of its form. But I felt that it had some power simply because it came out of some strong feelings.
@opinder (420)
• India
7 Feb 07
i really liked your poem. i am reading 'A Potrait of The Artist as A Young Man' by James Joyce. I was reminded of the protagonist of the novel. his life moves qiute similar to what you have said. good work!!
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
7 Feb 07
Wow, that was a great comparison. I know how small my work is, but if it reminded you of the great work by Joyce, I am really glad! Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man is a work I thoroughly enjoyed reading as a student.
@yanjiaren (9031)
4 Feb 07
wow man you are brave..first you assert yourself..then you bow down to reality..then you look to Heaven..awesome
1 person likes this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
4 Feb 07
Thanks friend, you are a keen observer, I must say.
@Lunerian (493)
• Sweden
6 Feb 07
nice, but I must admit I have trouble understanding it.
1 person likes this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
6 Feb 07
Thanks for reading it and responding. I am sorry if it remains obscure to you, but I hope a second reading would help.
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
7 Feb 07
I am sorry if the poem has failed to communicate with you. It happens sometimes!
• United States
7 Feb 07
Yeah, I'm sorry but I didn't get it either. I love poetry and I put myself in the poems I read but I couldn't place myself in this one. There were a few lines that I could connect with but then it went to something else. Keep following your dreams and desires. It looks like you've already got a good fan club of people that do relate to your writings.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Wow!! This is a Good poem. A Very interesting Read for sure. Really enjoyed reading it.