child custody
@youngworriedmother (15)
Canada
October 11, 2006 10:21am CST
I am a 23 yr old single mom of 2 girls. I left my boyfriend of 6 years 14 months ago. He stopped making payments on our house after i left and the bank took it from him 2 months later. He moved 2 hours away (to live with his mother) and hasn't seen our children more than 10 times since then. He called often (upwards or 20 times some days) and made our 6 year old promises of visits that he never kept. He was a wonderful father before we seperated so i put up with alot of it. Three weeks ago he told me that he was starting seeing a girl that i know very well. She was a friend of mine about 10 years ago. My family had moved away but i still seen her some over the years. She had got deeply involved in drugs and was charged with some things related to them ( including bringing them into a jail for friends). She has been addicted to crack cocaine and has a criminal record including other offences. After a week of seeing this girl he has moved in with her. I told him that my children will not be visiting him in her home because I believe that she is still using drugs and she had told me that she has Heptitas C from using dirty needles. I told him that he was welcome to take them to the park or to his family to visit them but he doesn't agree with me and hasn't seen them since. I've just contacted a lawyer to gain sole custody of our daughters and I am hoping that I can have it so that he can't have them in her home. I am scared that he might be using these drugs too and they might not be safe there. Do I have a chance of him not being allowed to take our daughters there on his visits?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@ossie16d (11821)
• Australia
17 Oct 06
If he hasn't made much effort to see your 2 girls in the past 14 months, that is hardly likely to change now. But in case he does try to see them at his home, you should try to get some sort of restrictions placed on when and where your daughters can go, i.e. not to any place where they will be at risk.
I think you have a good chance of the court understanding the position and all you can do is try for the best outcome. In saying that, I would like to think that your ex would have some contact with the children as they do need to see and know both parents, only it should be in safe surrounds. Good luck
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
18 Oct 06
Thanks for your advice. I have no shoice but to talk to my girls about him though - my oldest daughter has alot of questions but I tell her that he still loves her more than anything in the world just like I do and that she will be able to see him soon hopefully. I try to make sure that they do know how much they are still loved and how none of this is their fault. But it still really annoys me that for their sake I have to tell them these things - like defending him to her so that she doesn't end up blaming him and hating him for everything that is going on. I don't want them to hate their father regardless of how I feel about it. He is the only father they'll ever have and he was a great one before we parted. Hopefully everything will work out that he will be again, although I have my doubts.
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
19 Oct 06
Yes you have a very good chance because if he is using or if she is they wont want to take a chance on them checking them out. You probably wont have any fight at all getting sole custody out of him either.
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
19 Oct 06
I hope you're right! He said he had lawyer and was taking me to court to get joint custody but I haven't heard anything yet so it may be him just trying to scare me into giving him what he wants. Because my lawyer is through legal aid it will take months and months to go to court (because she has sooo many cases she said) so I almost do hope he has one just so we can get this figured out sooner and I can give my daughter's a date that they can see their dad (if he takes me to court, my lawyer is ready to go but if I am the one taking him it will take a long time because she has so many cases before mine). But I'll keep ya's posted.
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
20 Oct 06
I wish you lots of luck and will be waiting to hear how it all turns out.
@cuddlebug79705 (2003)
• United States
19 Oct 06
I would think that if he does have them for a visit you could contact CPS or something so that what is found there is on record for you to use in court. But I don't know, I'm not a lawyer.
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
19 Oct 06
Thanks for your advice and I think I'll mention that to my lawyer and get her opinion. I may need all the help I can get!
@honey81416 (103)
• United States
18 Oct 06
Oh yea! You can make it where they look at her background and they will see that she is unfit to be around kids. If you ex was even half a man he wouldn't expect you to let your kids go over there.
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
18 Oct 06
You're so right! I often wonder how a man could change so much in such a short time. I dont' think he's worried about our girls at all - it's just a game to him. Something for him to win. I mean any loving parent who hasn't seen their children in a month would junp at the chance to visit them ANYWHERE especially considering how long this could take to be resolved. Oh well it's his loss not mine.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
19 Oct 06
You might need Proof or someone to go investigate the situation, and see if there is anything that can be done to prevent this, but it also depends on what State you live in, and if he has a Job, etc.
Is he Paying Child Support now on his kids? If not, then why should you worry. He needs to be responsible and prove he is capable of seeing his kids. I wish you Luck with this.
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
19 Oct 06
I know it always depends on the circumstances of each different case but I am hoping that in this situation there was enough actions on both their parts to prove how unsafe it is for my babies.
@jhannon (1406)
• United States
19 Oct 06
Great moms seldom lose custody. but wow what a situation to be in..You will be ok he will not be aloud to see them maybe they could do arangements if he asks to see them with someone present at all times.. But they probablly arent going to let him see the children alone especailly in the unsafe enviroment..Good luck with everything..
@bhbirdie6 (1765)
• United States
18 Oct 06
If you can show reasonable cause for suspicion or otherwise prove that your children would not be safe in the environment provided by their father... I think you'll be fine. Be sure to get a good lawyer.
@youngworriedmother (15)
• Canada
18 Oct 06
Thanks, I think I have a great lawyer. She seems really interested and concerned about me and my girls. She isn't treating me like just another case - she seems to really care so I think if I everything doesn't go the way I hope it won't be from any fault on her behalf.
@pookie92 (1714)
• United States
20 Oct 06
check with your lawyer, but the last I heard, If his new girlfriend is any kind of threat to the health and well being of your kids, you have the right to forbid them to be at her home. If he wants to see them, he'll have to do it somewhere else.
