Overly-critical relatives?!
By babyhar
@babyhar (1335)
Canada
February 6, 2007 10:12pm CST
Have you ever had a relative come over to visit or just drop by to say hi.. And it usually results in them judging everything that you have done to your own place? For example.. Let's say you just bought a new couch or chair.. And somebody from your family drops by see's it & then begins to tell you where your couch is located within the living room.. Should maybe be somewhere else within the room instead of where it's at?
They then begin to pick out other things they don't like about your place.. Such as where your dining room table is & what angle it should be at.. How you should get protectors for the bottom of the legs of your chair.. What your thermostat should be set at all the time.. Things along these lines.. And it gets to the point where every time they come over they find something else to nit pick about your place..
Has anyone ever had a parent or a relative come over & do this? And then when you confront them about it.. They just say they are trying to help.. Yet.. It comes across more like they are telling you what to do but also like they are preaching to you like they know what is best for you & the way your place is set up.. If you have experienced a situation such as this before.. How have you handled the situation? Have you blown up at them or have you remained relatively calm?! Also what do you think of people who do this all the time?
I would love to hear everyone's opinion on this matter.. As well as hear some similar situations you had experienced yourself. Thank you for taking the time out to share with me what you may have gone through! xx
4 people like this
9 responses
@wmg2006 (5381)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I have an older brother who thinks he knows everything about everything and he is so critical about my whole life. He and I have never seen eye to eye on things. When I had my son and he was not even ever married, he tried to always tell me what was best for my child. I ignored for a long time then I told him when he got married and had a child come back and tell me everything I did wrong. Well he finally got married and had a child 5 years later. He has never said anything else to me about how I should raise my child or how my home should look. He never apologized either.
1 person likes this
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
7 Feb 07
My mom is critical but she means well. I thinks sometimes things just slip out of her mouth and then she's sorry she said it. I don't take her comments too seriously, though.
1 person likes this
@samsonskola (3357)
• United States
7 Feb 07
oh boy have i had this happen! Thankfully, i haven't had too many people in my life that have done this, but there have been a few. My usual response would be to say that I appreciate their suggestions and will think about it. Sometimes, though, that didn't work! They would say "well come on, i'll help you!"...oh geez. I had to think up an excuse really fast to keep them from completely changing everything around! I honestly think that most of these people are just trying to help, and they don't realize how aggravating it can be. Most have done it the majority of their lives and simply can't live any other way. There are those, however, that just feel that their lot in life is to show you how inferior you are to them (my EX mother in law was one of these!) and to just re-inforce the fact that you just aren't good enough, or don't live up to their expectations. For some, it is simply a matter of wanting to feel needed. I have tried very hard not to do this where my own family and friends are concerned. I want to live my life the way I want, and I'm sure they do too. If you've already said something and had them say they are only trying to help, perhaps that's what they are doing, and don't know any other way. I really don't think there is anything you can do, maybe they are just trying to impart some knowledge and this is their way. Grin and bear it, thank them, and then do as YOU please!
1 person likes this
@pinklilly (3443)
• Australia
7 Feb 07
My Mother in Law always has to have her say that furniture looks better a certain way and comment on the kids toys and yeah just about everything.. i just ignore. My partner will tell her to shut up and get a life, we'll do it they way we want....
@SimplyJo (1694)
• India
25 Feb 07
No - thank god ! I have bad relatives but thankfully none overly critical. but i do know what you are talking about. my old friend has a nasty aunt. she'd never let the poor guy rest in peace and was always on his back nagging him for something or the other - no doubt, he used to hate it when she came over. He is a musician. she used to critise him for that - he was so passionate about music and she always used to think he did that coz he cud never do anything better. and he infact was very well educated but he left all that just for his love of music. and to critise THAT - who can stand ??? can't they mind their own business ? don't they have their kids to philosophise instead ?
@smartcooldude1386 (286)
• India
22 Feb 07
I have certain relatives who are critical. but i feel there should be such people in ones life. All u need to do is take the things u feel right and ignore the ones which are baseless and worthless. A critical person helps us to determine our wrong sides and if we feel we can make better that side..
@pendragon (3349)
• United States
18 Feb 07
I actually have one relative who simply WON'T stop by, because of the things I've done to my place,lol, like namely two dogs and a cat,also she gave me my coffee table and end tables, she really doesn't want to see what I've added around them!!So she likes me, at her place or anyone else's place! Gah!!
@LadyCroft (701)
• Australia
13 Feb 07
I have just banned my mothe rin law from coming to the house again after a huge fight. She has been doing this for years and I had had enough.
This was after I spent 3 full days spring cleaning the house and she came over and in front of guests checked the top of the cupboards to see if I had really cleaned and mentioned I hadnt cleaned the front doormat. I lost it. Now I am much happier.
@acosjo (1903)
• Canada
7 Feb 07
Well, I've never had this happen but I do feel this is a way for someone to 1) make themselves feel better about themselves by putting other people down 2) gives a person a sense of contribution....meaning if this was your mom, she would see you growing up and needs to feel she has an influence in your life, not necissarily a bad thing, just a mom thing 3) they are jealous of how your place looks and need to make it not as nice & 4) they just don't like it.
Don't think too much of it. Just let it go and you will be fine. Take care.
