Why Do People Ask for Advice on Major Decisions on MyLot
@rosettaresearch (1285)
United States
February 7, 2007 1:01pm CST
It is one thing if you ask for advice about whether to color your hair or where to go on vacation. But seriously, if you are asking for advice on what to do about your abusive husband or if you should get married, this is not hte place. You don't know the people here -- no matter how many friends you have. You have no idea over the quality of the advice you are getting. Some people give bad advice just to see the reaction. Some people will give well-meaning but wrong advice. What will you do if you follow this advice and you wind up in a very bad situation?
If you need advice on a major, life-changing decision, go to family, friends, a clergy member, a licensed counselor, someone qualified to give you advice and you trust. It is the safest and best course. Coming here is not using common sense and could lead to serious consequences. I care too much about all you to see that happen.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@Dzbfree (94)
• United States
7 Feb 07
It may not be possible for somebody to go to the resources you mention. If a woman is abused by her partner, she will hesitate to tell others for a number of reasons. First of all, if you tell someone about it, but you don't leave the man (often because you truly don't believe you can) then you look like either a fool or a liar. Abusers isolate their victims, so it isn't easy to go tell someone, anyway. And if your abuser finds out you talked, anything could happen. You're right, it would be better to seek help from a family member or professional, but if someone can't (or believes they can't) then perhaps they can be inspired to take the first step from someone on MyLot who has been through the same situation.
@rosettaresearch (1285)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Yeah and what happened to the abused woman when people at Mylot, for whatever reason, give her advice that makes her situation worse? She is actually not getting helped by coming here rather than using the professional resources that are out there. Especially because the professionals acknowledge that it is hard ot leave an abuser and don't expect it to happen perfectly the first time.
@rosettaresearch (1285)
• United States
7 Feb 07
So you need complete strangers to validate your decisions? If you are that dependent on the opinion of others, this might explain some of the problems posted here. Again, seek counseling not the approval of strangers.
@Dzbfree (94)
• United States
7 Feb 07
A person who has been living with an abuser probably does not have the self esteem to be sure of any decision and needs the support of others. It's not a matter of needing approval, it's you have been so beaten down that you don't trust your ability to make a decision. You have been brainwashed so that you really need someone to validate you, and if that person is a complete stranger, that can actually be an advantage. They won't be biased, and you can maintain your anononimity, which is important to some people.
1 person likes this
