regrets and all

Sis, hang in there. We live our lives based on the choices we make. To get married or not, to whom we get married to, the work we do, to have children or not....the lists go on. What we are now and what we face at present is shaped by the choices we've made before. We continue to make choices which hopefully would make our futures even better. We cannot waste our life just regretting the choices we've made, because that would be such a waste of life. You are still blessed. You have 2 wonderful kids. You're married to somebody who you think is great, even if you think that he's not perfect (nobody is, anyway). If you compare yourself to others, there will always be people better off or worse off than you are.

I can empathize with you. And although my thoughts about my husband are totally different from yours, the feelings of regret that you have are very familiar to me. I got married in my late 20's...too old for some people's standards. Looking back, it was just the right time for me, I could really say, "been there, done that" and so I believed I'd miss anything that I wouldn't be able to do as a married woman. Like you, I too had to give up a thriving career to take care of my family. It was something I really wanted but wasn't prepared for. I didn't realize that being a SAHM was even more difficult than any job I've ever had. When I had my firstborn son, I went into a deep depression mostly because of certain misunderstandings my husband and I had. Apparently, he hasn't outgrown all the partying and late night outs boys usually have. And so, I was left on my own caring for our son (without any helper). During the first 3 years of our son's life, I felt and knew that we were drifting apart...we weren't connecting anymore. Things got even nastier when a third party got involved. I know most women would give up and pack their bags at this point. But surprisingly, I didn't. I decided that this relationship and family was worth fighting for and all that's happening are just parts of a test. A test to know how far I can endure and sacrifice for love. With God's grace, we were able to hurdle over this crisis. You won't believe it but somehow God worked His miracle within my husband. The change was a total turnabout. Like you, we had our financial battles too and I should tell you that the 1st 4 years is really the worst. There were times we only had P20 bucks combined but we still survived somehow. Over the years, we learned (mostly hubby) different methods of financial management that helped us manage our money a lot. We still have hard times now but its easier now. In fact, we've been able to put up an online business that has enabled me to have some part time work. And even though I still stay at home exclusively to care for our kids (we now have 2), I make use of my extra time to work for our business and I get paid for it. Having an alternate source of income that's entirely my own has given me a newfound freedom and respect for myself. I am sure that soon enough you will find your second wind and you will soar...you just have to hold on and believe you will.

I have been there sweetie! I was married at 16 and I was married for 10 yaesr, Eventually my marriage fell apart and I divorced him. I love my children and would not change them for the world, Sometimes the love we thought we had becomes something else later. Now we are enimies I did not want this but he hates me for divorcing him. I am happy though You have to do what is right in your life!