what to do?( no names for good reason)

It's always though to deal with something like that. Guess all you can do is try to talk to your friend and explain that you feel she should dump his sorry a** :-)

You're going to have to keep telling her in a non-threatening way (by that, I mean in a way that won't put her on the defensive) how she deserves much better than him, how he's controlling her and she's letting him, and what a terrible effect this is going to have on their children when the children grow up (kids fall into their parents behavior patterns). Your friend doesn't want to hear this and thinks she deserves what she's putting up with. It's going to take a long time, months, probably years, of telling her this. Human behavior patterns don't change overnight, especially when the person doesn't want to change, which she doesn't right now. Or she'd have left his sorry behind years ago. Personally, I'd try to get through to her by talking about the damage being done to her children. If she's any part of a good mother, she might be more receptive to changing if she realizes her children are really being harmed by their father's behavior towards her. (And if he's this controlling of his wife, who knows what kind of father he is to the kids.) I'd consult with a professional (therapist, psychologist, pastor/minister/priest) about your friend and about what you should (or shouldn't) do. But, just realize, she's gonna do what she wants to do. Good or rotten, it is her life, after all, and you can't save everyone. But you can try to help. And I salute you for wanting to help. So, good luck to you with this.

Hello angelgirl3868, There are a lot of women in that kind of a relationship. What happens is over the period of time their spouse brainwashes them and no matter what you say you will not be believed. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Everyone sees him for what he is except her. Sounds like he has her closed off from everyone who loves her and she loves. That is not a good situation. He can do what he wants to with her and after awhile no one will come around her. Just what her husband wants. Her self-esteem is I'd say has hit rock bottom. A very controlling person. It will be hard to get her to get away from him. From what you say she has been married a long time. It will take a lot for her to admit that she is being treated badly. He has convince her no one wants her, she is stupid and I would say if he physically abuses her which there is no doubt in my mind he does----he looks at her and tells her it is all her fault. I hope you can help her out. My prayers are with you and her. Try to get her to get help. But remember the bottom line is she has to want to get out of the situation and it sure doesn't sound like she does.