How life would change, if you or your spouse would die tomorrow.
By sylviekitty
@sylviekitty (2083)
United States
February 9, 2007 6:33am CST
I'm a SAHM, of 2 young kids. I don't make any money (aside from a little online income, which is basically nothing). I do have a college degree, but have never been able to use it. I haven't worked in 3 1/2 years. I am not the most self-confident person, either.
If my husband were to die tomorrow, although he does have a life insurance policy, I would probably sell the house, I'd have to get a job, my kids would have to be in school all day (or be in school + day care), and I don't know if I'd make enough to pay for all of this, and pay off our bills we currently owe. I would hope the sale of the house (plus life insurance) would cover it. And I think since my husband used to be in the military, I could get some kind of discount for his funeral? I'd be living near my in-laws (who would be supportive), but all my family lives far away. And that would be rough. But if I moved back home, it would be too expensive for me to be a single mom there.
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If I were to die tomorrow, not much would change for my husband. He'd probably have his mom come stay here for a while to help him out. Or he'd sell the house and move closer to his parents and siblings. He'd also have to worry about day care, but since he makes all the money, and since he'd lose whatever debt I had from before we got married, that's some weight off his shoulders. He'd also get some extra from a bit of life insurance he'd get from when I died. He'd just have to spend less time on the computer and more time with his kids.
It seems to me that it would be so much easier for him, wouldn't it? Like, barely life altering, aside from the fact he lost a wife, and his kids lost their mom. Me, aside from the death of a spouse, I'd be saddled in debt and looking for a job to somehow pay for it all!
9 people like this
22 responses
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
Like you, I'm also a housewife for 8 years now. Just taking good care of my girls and doing household chores. Every month, my husband will give me an allowance. Before I got married, I was a real workaholic like I'm working 3 jobs at a time. Its fortunate that I was able to save money and placed in a long term contract. about 4 years ago, I began pestering my husband that I like to work so I can earn my money. I also told him that what if he suddenly die or unexpected events happen, I will not know where to begin or start. Aside from our insurance, we were able to save money for my 2 girls which are also placed in the bank. But I hate to think that I'm still not prepared for such things like that. That's why, sylviekitty, I think that we should begin to make plans for our future. It's not easy but better prepared than nothing. Take courage and continue to persevere. Good luck!!!
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
9 Feb 07
We did have a plan for a while to put money aside, even give myself an allowance.. but bills got in the way, and that never seemed to work out.
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
I use to wonder what would happen if my husband were to die. We have separated a few months ago, and I know now that I can make it on my own. Up until recently I ran a day care service from my home and was able to make all the bill payments without using the child support he gives me each month. I have saved enough up as I knew this time would come when I would be no longer running the child care service. I have a minor surgery to be done in March and after that I will be looking at re-entering the work force as my children are older now (not really old, only 12, 8 and 7) but they don't need me to be here 24-7 anymore. It's a nice feeling to know you can be independent. I think it crosses all our minds as stay at home moms what we would do it we were to suddenly lose the income our husbands or significant others provide, but when the time comes, most of us are able to do it. We're capable of so much more than we realize.
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
9 Feb 07
You're right. We are capable of so much more.. we just have to allow ourselves to be. Get past our hang ups. :D I need to assert myself more, for starters, and find something I can do from home. I'm just so shy, and I dont; think I'm a good sales person. Argh.
1 person likes this
@acuityplague (763)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Hi!
I completely understand where you are coming from! I am in the same position; stay at home mom, no recent work experience, three kids and tons of debt.
Your article made me realize just how off balance it is. While I would be horrified and completely unable to deal with the loss of my husband, I would also be hit with the immediate need to support my family. I have no idea how I would go about that; since I have no degree, and have spent so many years as a mother and outside of the work force.
Scary thought. Insurance will only cover so much, for so long.
You have me panicing now! haha
What will I do!?!
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Sorry, didn't mean to make you panic! :D
It's rough, though.. my husband thinks it's not a big deal, and somehow life insurance will cover everything. yeah, ok! LOL!
@jtmblossom (470)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
What a sad story. Anyway,its better to have the mother stay,than to die first. This is what i have observed here in my country Philippines that when the mother was first to die,most of the husband leave their children to their relatives coz they would be living a single life again searching for other girl,or replacing their wife before the wife die. Usually when the mother stays and the father die,its the mother who portrays the role of the father. And the mother works hard to meet the needs of the kids and herself.I dont know if this also happens to other country.Maybe we should make a study on this because it is the reality.
1 person likes this
@raveena (1353)
• India
9 Feb 07
I feel that instead of feeling so negative if the feeling has already occured you should start saving somthing and if possible try to learn something which could be of help in the future.
I am a housewife also but I do not think that I would be so horrifying. I can also do baby sitting and start a day care at home that way I am with my kids and also can earn a decent amount and do not have to do a professional training also
@sanjaypatel250174 (250)
• India
10 Feb 07
I understand what you are thinking.But trust me when you are faced in such a situation(i hope that never happens),you will find ways yourself.Many times we think that we would be hepless when we would be faced in a particular situation but when we actually have to face that situtaion,we lways come up with some way o handling the same.I gues thats what u say-that life teaches...
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Feb 07
until now i dont entertained ideas about dying or anything morbid..i know we all die but on diff. time and places...but for me i just think of what we have all stored for us in the near future as my chidren marries and and we gonna have grandchildren..all i pray evryday is good health for all of us in the family and relatives, protection for our everyday routine in life..but i like to live a day at a time and to the fullest as if it is the last...
@artisweety (411)
• India
10 Feb 07
no dear never think like dis everylife got its own importance.inthe similar way if udie ur husband will miss u the most in the world because i know tht military persons will have much love on their spouse which is not shown out.if u die ur children cant be happy they will have tht difference obviously becaue mothrinlaw cannot replace mothrs luv.
@Edgar2007 (15)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
Just be prepared, plan all the necessary things for nobody can tell what will happen next, considering that we can not control our own life itself but only God does.
@nupur4uall (7)
• India
10 Feb 07
NO dont thing like that.Because of him your home is safe if he will not be there than .
so think for good always.
cya
@kagandahan (1327)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
we're in the same boat...i guess.
since i got married early,i alsohave two kids,and jobless,thatiswhy i came across mylot thinking that io can earn somehow from my own.i'm a stay-at-home mom,don't have a househelp at night.i love my family,noquestions asked, but sometimes there's this little feeling inside of me askinghow can i be productive?i'venever had a real job,aside from my 1 year experience in our business. i wanted to havemy own source of income to help him,sometimes i feel so worthless,can't help it.but when he explains that i am a good mother and wife,it pacifies me.i have sometimes felt the way you are,thinking what would it be likewhen that happens(knock on wood)i better start being productive...or else.:(
@zenmachado (1617)
• United States
10 Feb 07
It would really be a devestating event, one of wich I would recuperate from. She's the compase that guides my path. So id be really freaking lost!
@magnel (2263)
• India
9 Feb 07
It becomes very difficult for the stay at home moms, if she looses her husband. Earning for the family, raising the kids and many other things... very difficult... On the other hand, husbands don't find it that difficult, as they are already earning and as far as work of the house is concerned, he can get help from parents and sibling as said... So I think it is very important that stay at home moms should also have some kind of earning...
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
9 Feb 07
I don't think that your husband would be better off. As women we adapt to situations and are able to handle things differently. Men have it hard when they must raise a family because a spouse has past. Their are certain things that moms offer to make it easier to raise a child. You could be financially set and still not ever be close to your children and that is far much worse than not having money.
@tahiyya123456 (534)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Lol, You sound like me are you now having the SAHM BLUES. I too myself wonder about things. for instance i dont go out much and my husband is a pretty low-key type of man so i have somewhat adapted his ways i guess and i dont socialize much other than being here on mylot or one of my religious groups where i pretty much just read the post and benefit that way. And if often think maybe i should reach out to some people outside to at least get to know them though i have to admit you know friends are far and few. well anyway take care.
@ctjlmj (5)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
I understand where you are coming from. Luckly where I live EVERYONE is looking for help, so getting a job would not be a problem. I starting working from home last May doing Admin work for Oil and Gas companies but lately I haven't had much work (very frustrating). I'm trying to find things that I can do from home.
