I have made an enemy on Mylot
By RebeccaLynn
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
United States
February 9, 2007 11:53pm CST
How to handle this delicately? You tell me.
When I first joined Mylot, I posted a "Work at home" discussion to get new leads.
Four months later the discussion, to my surprise, is still on here. Recently a certain person posted twice on page two and asked me to send an email so that they might help with leads. I did. (Go ahead and call me an idiot. Get it over with)
Anyway, I sent the email and introduced myself. The email I got in return informed me that this person was disappointed that I was all ready signed up with getafreelancer.com and because of this, could not help me.
OK. No big deal. I went on with my life.
Then I recieved a second email, asking me to void my account and sign up under him so that we could help each other.
I declined, explaining that it is important to me to build my name and reputation myself and not in conjunction with another person. I thanked him, wished him luck and went on with my life.
Today I recieved a third email telling me that I need to remember a time when I needed help and there was no one to help me and may God forgive me for my selfishness! Then he added that he EXPECTS me to sign up under his name now so that we can "help each other"
Here's the thing, I don't know this guy. I have never seen his work as a writer with the exception of his emails and judging by his emails, he can not write. His use of the language is broken and inappropriate. He does not know how to begin a paragraph. There were no capitolizations or punctuations of any kind and this is what I had to go on to determine whether or not I wanted my name linked with his.
So, I declined again and I explained why as nicely as I could.
So I got yet another email calling me a "descendant of Judas" and a b*tch.
This is where I got childish and sent him a smiley blowing him a kiss and a message that read "You say that like it's a bad thing" and another smiley sticking it's tongue out. Hey! I'm only human.
Maybe it's a culture thing that I am not privy to. Where I am from you do not put your work or your reputation on the line for someone that you don't even know, much less share a paycheck with them. But then again, maybe in other countries, people do this freely.
While I do not believe that my feelings on the matter are selfish maybe in other countries it is considered selfishness.
Bottom line, It's my work, my name and my reputation.
So why is that such a problem?
30 people like this
66 responses
@sasklily (240)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
I think that you've probably made the right decision and it is your right to make your choice.
If there are further emails, my choice would be to firmly ignore and 'delete' and send no more messages whatsoever.
This person will eventually get the idea that they're getting nowhere and if they continue, I believe there's a way you can block them.
It would be something you could look into, anyway.
Good luck, and hope you have no further nastiness from this person.
7 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Thank you. I thought I was doing the right thing with the exception of my last email to him and I still do, but do you think there might be a cultural difference going on here?
I'm trying to look at all sides.
7 people like this
@raphael_volts (1131)
• India
10 Feb 07
As far as i know man no culture teaches us to make somebody work under us forcefully and neither does any culure supports such a thing. You must really not be afraid that you hurt him in a cultural way or something but its just you didn't give onto his greed and force and thats totaly cool... moreover the way you replied in the last email without showing any sort of violence or hatered man that was some fine mail. Good luck friend and don't wory if even you get an enemy out of him cause such enemies are the least to be worried of. Thank God you didn't have him as friend as the saying goes that a foolish friend is deadlier than a smart enemy.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thank you! I wanted to handle my responses as professionally as possible. We all get rejection notices at some point. The last one was a bit childish. I really wasn't all that angry. I was more shocked than anything. But such is life! Thank you again!
1 person likes this
@resasour (378)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I don't think it is a problem. It sounds to me like this person really wants to use you to help them to "climb up" some shall we say. It amazes me how people think like they do. How can this person Expect anything from someone he does not know in order to climb the ladder? If he truly had something worth offering, then his salesmanship obviously sucks! lol
I do not think it is selfish to protect your work and your reputation. I think that is just plain good old business sense.
Good luck to you.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Thank you. I appreciate that. It's pretty much what I was thinking but I also want try to see both sides.
I know he has seen my work and I have to wonder if he also saw dollar signs. But at the same time, why approach a stranger with an offer like that? Strange world we live in!
2 people like this
@APMorison (424)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Sweetie - let me be clear, when someone becomes abusive, he looses all rights to his 'side' considered.
This is not a Cultural thing, this is a User/Abuser trying to bully you into letting him take your money and being hacked off at the fact that you were not stupid and didn't fall in line.
You haven't crushed any cultural lines, but he's sure trouncing them thoroughly.
Very likely he is someone who is simply po'd because on some website he was lead to believe that women writers are more easily brought in line and that he could pick up big bucks off your back like a Pimp, and from the sound of his emails he'd make a great Pimp. He's got the bullying part down pat.
By the way, I like that response - 'you say it like its a bad thing' - I've worn the title b*tch for many years and wear it proudly!
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You're right. The more I think about it, the more I see the abusiveness in it. So nice to me until I didn't give him his way.
But here is the reason I thought there might be a culture clash happening. In several other posts I have seen people from different cultures saying that "the man is always right" or "the parents are always right"-everybody but you is always right. So in some cultures where the woman does as she's told, the men are not accustomed to hearing a woman say NO. This is where I offended him.
He was very obviously not American and I would like to know how to handle a problem like this when the lines are blurry. How do you tell someone whose society rules are completely different from yours, NO, without starting a brawl?
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
10 Feb 07
that surely had agitated your anger. i did feel a bit grrr (on the one who sent you the emails) when i read your discussion. how rude, how rude, how rude. he should not force you to be his referral because there's no need to. you already signed up here and he should respect that.
i had been here for 6 months and i only have 2 active (not really active like me. but atleast they do log in everyday and answer a few discussions). and my 2 referrals? my mom and my boyfriend. but i never forced them to join and they just joined a month ago. i did try sending my friends emails to let them know about the site. but they never gave it a shot. and so, i did not force them at all.
there are really people here in mylot who will test your anger and insult you to the bones. i had once been so hurt when this lady indirectly called me a gold digger just because i have a foreigner boyfriend (huh? when she does not even know me yet and she just judged me). my day was really bad that time. i felt so low and really sad. i did another discussion telling about what had happened to me that day (i never mentioned her username anyway. i still have respect for her somehow) and she even responded to that replied as well saying she does not owe me anything so, she won't apologize at all. i said, okey. fine. and went on with my life.
people like who you encountered and who i encountered and others had encountered here in mylot are always everywhere even in real life. and we should have the guts to deal with them and atleast say at the end of the day that we are better people than them and we still get to smile and face the world again.
good for you that you did not sign up again under him. you should not anyway. just keep working. don't mind people who do not deserve our time and effort.
take care and have fun!
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thank you! I'm sorry that happened to you. It is sad to know just how many mean people there are in the world. I think the internet is opening our eyes to it. Luckily, I have met more kind people than ugly ones, so I'll just take this one as "lesson Learned" and go on with life.
I have better things to do!
I hope you don't encounter anymore of them. They have a tendancy of ruining a perfectly good day!
@moneymaka (492)
• United States
10 Feb 07
That person is so selfish they could only think of them selves.
3 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
10 Feb 07
yep. true. that person is so selfish! how could one do that? atleast, he should try and work for himself rather than telling rebeccalynn to join his team. for what? for additional money? people like them should be given lessons in life.
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Being able to help someone is one thing. Doing it all for them is something else entirely. I wwould never do to someone what he tried on me. I hope the next person sees through him too.
@willocfc (963)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
You absolutely did the right thing, by the sounds of it the person who is emailing you is the selfish one, and im not sure how he could possible help you or anyone for that matter out with an attitude like that. and i like your comeback too, its not childish at all lol, i think its hilarious
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I think his attitude will ruin his chances of finding decent work if he's not careful!
@chazdubs (249)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I agree with you, and I wouldn't want to be his affiliate either. I would block his email with your spam filter or block list, then you won't have to worry about him bugging you. Mylot on the other hand is a different matter. I have also made an enemy on mylot and she likes to bad mouth me on discussions. Makes me mad that people try to ruin your reputation becasue they don't have one!
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
You hit the nail on the head! Why try to climb up the ladder on someone else's back instead of putting forth the effort yourself?
As far as I'm concerned, following someone around just to bad mouth them is just as childish and ridiculous as the emails that he sent to me!
I have blocked him and I hope you find a way to rid yourself of the monkey on your back!
@emmaacton (225)
• South Africa
10 Feb 07
The cool thing about intenet and the ppl you meet on it is that you can stop talking and ignore anyone or anything at any time ...chill and do what women were born to do...Ignore the idiot :)
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
LOL! Just another idiot to add to my "do not dignify..." list! :)
@Artsimba (1334)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I just wanted to let you know that I personally believe you did nothing wrong and handled it very well as far as I'm concerned. I'm sorry that you had this experience. (It's not a bad experience when we learn a lesson from it.) We really have no way of knowing who we are talking to, but judging from most of the responses, it's looks pretty much to me like you have more friends who are on your side than one or two who are shall we say are 2 cents short of a dollar for lack of a better negative word. Anyway, I hope you stick around, because MyLot seems to be full of friendly people, if you avoid the ones who are not. Good luck and I hope you have no more problems here at MyLot where you can weed out the good from the bad by doing what you are already doing which is using your common sense. I hope you don't mind my saying, God Bless.
2 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I never mind when someone asks God to bless me! I pray He blesses you too!
I will stick around. He isn't going to scare me off. You're right. There are a lot more good people than bad here. I'm glad you are one of them!
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
10 Feb 07
You are totally in the right in this and he is way out of line. There is no reason for you to feel that you are in the wrong at all. He should have accepted that you were already a member and dropped it right there. He pushed and then turned nasty because he didn't get what he wanted. Well too bad for him.
What you can do with the emails he sends see what account he uses. For example if he is off of yahoo.com, send one of the hateful ones to their abuse department abuse@yahoo.com Let them know what he is doing and how he is stalking you. Then block his email from coming in to you. If he sends you a message via mylot let the admins know about it. That way they know what he is up to. Put the blame where it belongs, in his lap and let him deal with the consequences.
@bcc23488 (883)
• Thailand
11 Feb 07
I think friends on mylot are nice but you say you have an enemy on Mylot so I don't believe it because my friends on mylot always suggest me to do best thing on mylot and correct my english (I am poor in english because I don't use it in daily life)
perharb you maybe don't understand your friends on mylot
2 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
See? That's what I'm talking about. There is a language barrier here.
Someone who does not fully understand english or speak it well. Then come the miscommunications and in the case of the man in question, the tempers.
Honestly though, I don't think you even read the post at all. I think you saw the title and responded to that.
@Agimat (355)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
Heh nasty business that. Mark his email as spam and you won't ever have to read any emails from him again. It might be a good idea not to give out your email in the future lol. Unless you actually know the person then it's fine. Forget about it, it's not worth the energy. Good luck!
3 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Yup! You're right! Lesson learned there. No more giving out the email! I'm going to go ahead and mark his incomings as spam. He's really pissed at me!
I think it's strange, but again, am I overlooking something? He obviously ian't from the states judging by his emails.
2 people like this
@ag_abscruzmd (2283)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I hope that you'd get over it and not feel guilty about it. You're right -- it's your reputation at stake. You don't have to put any emotional investment for his account because it's a purely business matter. Since it's so, you have a say in the matter. About the ill feelings, yes, it could be due to cultural differences, but still, I believe you did the right thing. This is a learning experience so it's good you have encountered this. The next time around, you would know better.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Live and learn. I just wish the "learning" part didn't have to be so ugly!
@sadgirl_1958 (1088)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Sorry for the pain. Best thing to do really is no longer respond to his childish emails. Everytime you respond, it antagonizes the situation. Let it go - it isn't worth your time and energy. If he continues to email you - block the email address so you can't see his emails anymore.
@jharish2k4 (416)
• India
10 Feb 07
Hi Rebecca,
I'm really sorry for what has happened to you..you posted a discussion to ask for new leads but you never said you would definitely join did you?? assuming that you dint i ask you to leave the issue aside...since you dont know him in person you dont have to worry much about it...and your reply to his insane mail is nothing wrong as far as i believe...you better continue with your work...if he disturbs you with another mail just block his id...as simple as that :)...dont keep worrying about silly things...all the very best in making your name and reputation high at your work!!
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thank you jharish24!
No. I never agree to join anything.
I will continue with my work, as I love what I do!
May all of your hopes and dreams come true!
@krislouiebaby (2346)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
first of all, i admire you for being honest and nice one.
and you tell us what you feel and what you experiencing right now with somebody.
you should not read his e-mail again, just delete...
ignore him and nevermind his messages.
goodluck, and do not allow him to spoil your day,keep posting and enjoy here in mylot...
;)
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thank you for bring so kind. I have blocked his email.
I do enjoy mylot. I have made some really nice friends here. I'll keep enjoying it. I hope you do too! Have a wonderful Day!
@cwgrlsarefun (1581)
• United States
10 Feb 07
First off it is just amazing to me that this person would even ask you to do something like this. I think that the way you handled this person was very good. You were a lot nicer in your emails to him then I would of been. He has go a lot of nerve acting this way. I would just designate his emails as spam or block him from being able to email you anymore. I am sure that eventually he will stop sending you these emails as he will move on to his next victim.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
It makes me sad, but I think you are right. He will look for omeone else to do this to and eventually he will find that person. I have blocked him. But I hope the next person thinks before they agree to anything!
@Lil_miz_ice_x (614)
•
10 Feb 07
There are tonnes of people like this in the World, who will go to any lengths to 'push their luck', and he obviously didn't give you enough credit.
It sounds asthough he expected an idiot, who would attach herself to him in order to boost *his* reputation.
It's ridiculous, and you should probably block his account on your email, so he can't bother you again...
And don't worry about it!
There are 68,591 members on MyLot, and *one* of those has a problem with you...
You'll probably never hear from him again.
2 people like this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I have blocked him. I'm not really worried about him but I may run into this in the future and it's important to me to be able to handle the situation with as little hurt feelings as possible. I tried to not be mean. Too bad he couldn't do the same.
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
10 Feb 07
The guy obviously has a problem. I think you should report him to that website, because he seems to have been blackmailing you. I think he hasn't sponsored anyone, and he's using you as his last hope. But his methods are extremely childish, and he seems to be extremely rude and mean.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Idon't know if I wuld call it blackmail, but he was a real jerk about it! He probably hadn't sponsored anyone before. I hadn't though about that. Maybe it just made him mad when his idea didn't pan out.
@poppydoo (22)
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
That's not bad for someone greedy enough to call you that. You dont even know if what he's offering is true or legal. Since he's so persistent why not make him a HATE pet, one that you can tell all the things you can't tell other people in real life. HAHA that way you can both help each other .
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thanks poppdoo, but I'd rather just let it go.
There is no sense in dragging it out any further.
