Love and Money-Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
By mckenziemom
@mckenziemom (522)
United States
February 10, 2007 5:06pm CST
I watched a television show the other that talked to couples in trouble because one partner has asked for a post nutpial agreement after many years of marriage. They also discussed the motivations for people with a great deal of wealth asking their future spouses to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. My observation is that asking for these types of contracts undermines the type of trust you need to have in your future spouse. On the other hand, I can understand to a certain extent, working really hard to build a life for yourself and having 50% of that taken away if you end up marrying the wrong person. What do you think? If you were marrying somone with great wealth or had a spouse who had accumulated wealth ..would you sign a pre-nup or a post-nup agreement?
8 people like this
32 responses
@plumfoolery (38)
• United States
10 Feb 07
i will definitely sign a pre-nup. Its not a matter of trust IMO. Its some kind of security to me. I wouldnt mind if my husband asked me to sign a prenup. I will definitely read through it with a fine tooth comb though. LOL
3 people like this
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I saw this on Dr. Phil the other day. What we do in my culture is we have a dowry. Usually, if anything such as divorce happens, God forbid, then the man usually ends up paying what's on the dowry. I think it's quite similar to a prenup, except you already know what you're getting if anything does go wrong. So you go into the marriage knowing that if it doesn't work out, you get what you asked for in your dowry.
@kritipen (4082)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I do think it is a good idea to have pre-nuptual agreement. In spite of your best judgement, you could still go wrong. So it's better safe than sorry. Particularly this becomes important for people with lot of personal waelth. Marriage is based on trust and you keep building it through out your life.
2 people like this
@ag_abscruzmd (2283)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Prenuptial or postnuptial agreements may or may not work, depending on the couples involved and how deep the trust and love for each other is. For me, the most important thing is to not jump into marriage at such short notice especially if one doesn't truly know the other person well. I have observed that in Westernized nations, prenuptial/postnuptial agreement has become very common (and perhaps soon this could be widely acceptable), whereas other nations (like in Asia) feel that if this is done, there's not much trust involved in the relationship. To answer your question, if I were to marry someone with great wealth, I should be very sure that we have love and trust so that there would be no issue or a big deal about signing or not signing an agreement. Most probably there should be no need for signing one because when there is trust, then the relationship should be about love and sharing.
@questionthis (143)
• Netherlands
10 Feb 07
I think the pre-nup is a good way to weed out the garden. If someone doesn't want to sign one, their motives should be questioned. I can understand being insulted by what requesting a pre-nup suggests, but if I really loved someone I would understand that persons desire to feel protected or to ensure he wasn't being used. And, if I were very wealthy, I think I would request one just to gague reaction - so many people are good liars and manipulaters!
3 people like this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I saw that show too. I think the people who want a post nuptual are already in trouble as far as their marriage is concerned. I would never sign a post-nuptual but I would encourage people where the wealth is all on one side to sign a pre-nuptual with many clauses to be sure children of such a marriage would be well provided for and also the husband or wife in the relationship who looks after the household and family.
1 person likes this
@melanie652 (2524)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I think I saw the same show you're talking about. Dr Phil, right? I do not agree with asking for a post nup. It sounded to me like those guys were already wanting to leave and wanted to make sure they didn't have to share anything with their wives. If I were one of those women, I'd sure be looking at the hubby differently and thinking maybe we need to be off to divorce court? If I were about to be married and one or both of us had a fair amount of wealth, I would certainly consider a pre-nup to protect both of us.
1 person likes this
@mckenziemom (522)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Yes, the show I saw was Dr. Phil. I was really disturbed by the attitude of the men. I too believe that they were merely wanted to walk away from their relationships and to take all of their money with them..despite the fact that they had been married to their spouses for a number of years and that they had contributed to their success as well. If I were in these ladies' shoes no way would I sign a post nup.
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
I would sign one, but I agree with what jan1972 said. I too would want to have certain clauses in place for future children or in the event of my husband leaving me for someone else or for something in which I had no control over. I don't think it shows a lack of trust, I feel it's more a manner of self-preservation. Things happen sometimes and I don't believe the other should get 50% of what you've earned if it's their fault the relationship is ending.
1 person likes this
@DesignDiva (379)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Are you talking about that Dr. Phil show? I saw that, and it made me so sad. I felt so bad for those poor women who were stuck with those deadbeat husbands!
I understand the point of that show was to discuss pre and post-nuptial agreements, but I felt that they were all missing the point in these 2 particular relationships. These women needed to get away from these emotionally abusive men! I hope that neither of those women sign the post-nuptial agreements b/c after putting up with those men, those women have earned every penny they can get!!
As far as my thoughts on those pre-nuptial agreements, I'd be really sad and would probably rethink my relationship if my boyfriend asked me to sign one prior to marrying him. It just seems like you're already expecting the marriage to fail.
1 person likes this
@mckenziemom (522)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Yes, the show was the Dr. Phil show. I also came away from that very sad for these women. I believe that after you
share a portion of your life with someone, and even if that relationship fails,why would would you leave a partner totally destitute? Shouldn't you at least care enough to give them what they need to start a new life and part amicably? These men were clearly,selfish and self-centered and threw the word "love" around a lot but clearly do not have any clue what truly loving and caring for someone means. I hope that the two women get away from their husbands and get whatever they need to move on alone. If I were in that situation, I would seriously rethink marriage to someone who would as for a pre-nup. However, logically, I can understand if someone has a great deal of wealth protecting their assets to a certain point.
1 person likes this
@DesignDiva (379)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Wow, I completely agree with you. I was in a relationship with a really selfish guy for over a year, and watching this show gave me the chills. I'm so glad I ended things with him because I think my life would have been similar to those women if I had married him.
I still don't know what I would do. As a woman, I don't think I could give all of my money (not that I have a ton of it, but you know what I mean!) into a joint account with a partner. I've heard too many horror stories of men taking off and leaving the woman destitute. It almost seems like you can protect yourself without having to sign a pre-nuptual agreement. Perhaps you each could keep a separate savings account in your own name.
I don't know, it's a complicated issue! But I'm with you. I hope those women get help and are able to see the emotional damage those men have done to them...and that they leave before those men do financial damage to them as well.
@babydolphin (536)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
No way!! In my religion, marriage is forever, there are no divorce allowed, so I dont see the point in having a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. There would be no more mine or yours, instead its all would be us.
If a couple have a prenuptial agreement, that is like saying that when they got a divorce, who will got which assets etc2, that means they are already thinking that there are possibilities of divorce. If only each couple concentrate more towards saving their relationship instead of saving their wealth, then I think many marriage would be happier and stronger :) So no, I would not sign any prenup or postnup agreement, if my future husband asked for that, then he better not marry me from the start hehe
@jennybeans (912)
• United States
11 Feb 07
If I ever remarried, I would definitely sign a pre-nup in the event that the man I was marrying had a lot of assets. I would never want money to come between us, so to get that out of the way from the start would be a pretty good idea. I would also ask him to do the same courtesy to me, in case during our marriage I made a lot of money.
1 person likes this
@flagbabygirl (891)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I don't think I would marry someone if it required a pre nup becaus ethere is a big ball of money in the air all the time. I would not want to marry someone that rich they would never know if you were only there because of their money or if you really loved them , It would never be a true love story and everyone would think you were there for one reason only. I think it only works if both people are rich both people are poor! Or if there is no prenup in other words what is yours is mine and mine is yours.
1 person likes this
@davaoguy (319)
• United States
11 Feb 07
If I really love the person, I will not hesitate to sign any agreement. Aside from the fact that I would never marry because for the money, I find nothing wrong in it. My partner might be doubtful about me because of it, but it how the world works and you should trust anybody, especially when you've got much to lose in marital settlements because of divorce.
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
11 Feb 07
If I was asked to sign one, I would. I'm marring that person for love, not their money. I jokingly talked about my ex signing one (not the reason she is my ex). I don't think she was to keen on it, I don't really remember. You never really know what the future holds. If the person has a problem with signing one saying don't you trust me? Then I would come back with, yes I do, but if you are going to be with me forever then what is the problem? I hope I worded that right to make sence.
1 person likes this
@ajinomoto23 (1057)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
Some woman get married to rich man. They want all they are willing to do everything to have all. I know a lot. I think only in US prenup is done. Here in the Phil. there is no prenup as I know. Some men what to make sure that the women they married is not a gold digger. Some rich women can also do the same. If I am for the money, I will make sure that I will be rich even after a divorce. Crime of Passion - there are many stories about people seeking a rich partner in life.
@pooksywooksy (1006)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 07
I don't mind signing a pre-nup or giving someone a pre-nup when/if I am rich. However, when the other party has an objection, then we would discuss the objection first. So we could come up to an agreement solution.
As long as there are some clauses that have been mentioned, it could be changed when needed in the future; yes, there is nothing to worry about pre-nup.
@kingcheeko (405)
• Bermuda
11 Feb 07
Yea..if i had alot of money i would.....thats when people tend to take everything you have...is when you break up and there at there madest!
1 person likes this
@mixey62 (305)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I'm all for a pre-nup. Not so much for a post-nup. I don't think money matters should wait for the divorce to be settled- if everything is spelled out up front it makes for less stress in the event of a divorce. Considering that 75% of couples get divorced these days, it seems like a very good idea- both in protecting your wealth and reducing stress over these matters in the future.
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