Help! I Feel Betrayed By My Cousin
@florenciascorner (381)
United States
February 12, 2007 8:03pm CST
i am from a culture where every blood relative counts; whether you are 1st cousins or 92nd cousins it makes no difference we are just one family.
I have a favorite cousin and i thought we were very close. We were born just a few months apart and they named us marie and annmarie (not the true name of course, but you get the picture).
For the past few years we have been living in seperate cities and keep in contact mostly by telephone. We are grown now and i recently found out that she spends a lot of time on the phone with my step-mother. A step-mother who was absolutely awful to my brother and me when we were kids. She and every member of our family is aware that this woman hated me because i was daddy's little girl..she could not stand me and ill treated me. I try to forgive, i talk to her if necessary but that's about it. How then can my cousin find it so easy to chit chat with her? why do i feel so betrayed? what do you think? Thanks.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@fuzzEbluebathrobe (378)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Your stepmother is probably a very unhappy person. Maybe your cousin knows she could use a friend. Especially if others avoid her. It does not mean your cousin sides with your stepmother or ignores what she did to you.
You don't know maybe your cousin confronts her about the past and then moves on. Your cousin also grew up with her in the family and has her own relationship with your stepmother.
As long as she remains positive and supportive of you -let it go. Maybe your cousin is looking for away to help the 2 of you reach a truce. Do you spend a lot of energy being angry? Maybe now that you are an adult you can work on dealing with your stepmother on an adult level,not the hurt little girl level.
1 person likes this
@florenciascorner (381)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Thanks for your comment. She has many reasons to be unhappy and most times she is. Not my problem. I don't
know if it's normal to have 'moved on' and still feel the animosity, because that's where I am. My resentment is not
just on my and my brother's behalf, I have come to wonder if she ever loved my father or just stayed with him because he was a good provider. I can't see how you can love a person and hate his children? I remember the first time I dated someone who had a child, I loved Steph like she was my own child! couldn't help it, I loved her dad.
@fuzzEbluebathrobe (378)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I thought long and hard about whether or not to respond to you. I think you may have misunderstood. Having an adult relationship means not eating your heart out over the past but also no longer allowing her to get away with treating you like this. Be firm but civil. Otherwise you give her fuel to paint you as the bad guy. Your anger is over other people's relationships to her not your own. You have a right to your anger towards her but only you are suffering because you are battling people who love you... Or fighting the battle for people you don't think can stand up for themselves. I wish you peace of mind. Please understand I meant no disrespect.
@florenciascorner (381)
• United States
14 Feb 07
please don't misunderstand me, i am well over all i went through with her, totally...we are civil to each other, and that's it. I could understand my cousin being respectful and civil..what i can't understand is the friendly chit chat that goes on between them; which means my cousin is now on her way to those to whom i show respect and civility...no Thanksgiving invitations for her. For some things in life there are no gray areas and this is one of them..she's either with me, or my evil step-mother! and she made the choice when she decided to make her, her 'friend'. Again, thanks for your insight.
@orcanut (146)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I have no experience with this type of situation personally, but I think maybe your cousin has a completely different relationship with your step-mother than you did - maybe that's why it seems so easy for her to talk to your step-mother.
You need to realize that your cousin's relationship with your step-mother has nothing to do with her relationship with you. Your cousin sees your step-mother in a totally different light than you do. She has not had to live with her as a step-mother.
I know it doesn't seem that simple - especially when you are hurting.
1 person likes this
@florenciascorner (381)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I think it is that simple. It's just messed up that it is that simple. I hear stories of abuse with children I don't even know, and I get upset and would want to face the perpetrators, I can't imagine how I would feel if it were my own blood! I am already feeling better and thanks for your comments.
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
1 Mar 07
well I can see how you mite have felt but if she is realy a good friend she will not discuss you with her cause if thats the case the you have every right to be betrayed and what could she have to talk to her about knowing the situation out of mutual respect she should only talk to her when necessary unless she finds it funny in that case did you do something to her if so she should have talked to you about it instead of talking to the wicked step mother but there is a possiblity that they have something in common and it has nothing to do with you you can try asking her if she is a true friend she will be honest.I'm happy I did not have a step mom had some men pass through did not stay long enough ti strat the ill treatment good luck with your cousin hope she is genuine and this is just a miss understanding
1 person likes this
@florenciascorner (381)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well I know she just went through a rough breakup of her marriage. Rough in that her husband of more than 10 years just walked out. So maybe she needed as many people to talk to as possible. I already feel better since writing that discussion, I was probably just having a very bad day. Thanks for your comments.
