Battered women: Do this before you leave

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If your life is in immediate danger, of course, just get out. Do whatever you have to do and get out of there. If you have some time though, I can't stress strongly enough how important this is: Before you leave, find some way to document the abuse. If he leaves marks, take pictures. If you don't have a way to take pictures, find a friend who will do it for you. Do not let him know that you have these pictures! If you absolutely cannot get any pictures or if he doesn't leave marks or if the abuse is emotional and not physical, then pretty much all you can do is get a witness. If he's too good at hiding it in front of other people, then just tell someone what's going on, but do it before you leave him. Even if you're afraid, tell someone. Even if you have to tell them to promise that they won't tell him that you told. Tell several people if you can. If you can't do this (or even if you can) try to keep a journal and write down every time he's abusive. I know this can be hard because he might find it, but if you can, do it. Documentation is everything. If it isn't obvious why, I'll tell you why, from personal experience. If you don't have any way to prove that he abused you, or any witness to say that you told them about the abuse before you left, you will be much worse off. Did you know that batterers sue for child custody more often than other men AND that they win custody more often? They are confident, cocky, and present themselves well in court. The traumatized victim, on the other hand, comes across as weak and hesitant. He will tell the court that you are a liar, that if he abused you surely there would be proof, that you're maliciously smearing him and that you are so underhanded and evil that you'll try to turn his own children against their own dear loving father. He will have the judge eating out of his hand and thinking you're the scum of the earth. By the time he's done, the court will rule that you are the abuser. The only way to shut this down is for you to have some kind of evidence. Even if you think you'll never need it, it's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.