Would you date an inmate?
By Thomas73
@Thomas73 (1467)
Switzerland
February 13, 2007 4:53am CST
If you like muscular torsos, crew cuts and tattoos, and still haven't got a date for Valentine's Day, go and check out www.hotprisonpals.com. Some of America's most desirable felons are lining up to send you love letters, poems and even proposals of marriage. Just look at it as an investment for the future.
The idea came from New York pop artist Sam Wagner, who began writing to a friend in jail several years ago. The prisoner then asked Wagner to write to his cellmate who had stopped receiving letters from his family. Requests for letters from lonely prisoners kept coming, until Wagner was sending a monthly letter to more than 100 inmates.
With no access to the Internet, letters are often the only contact U.S. prisoners have with the outside world. They sometimes have real abandonment issues. Friends and family often stop writing after a couple of years, so the letters they get through the site are crucial to their well being. They need to know someone on the outside cares.
Inmates, both heterosexual and gay, pay $19 to post their photograph and a short note on the site. Women inmates are also invited to join hotprisonpals, but none has applied so far.
So, would the singles out there date a prisoner? Or would you do it if you were single?
14 people like this
40 responses
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Um. no thanks. wouldnt that just be asking for a whole heep of trouble? I mean ANY inmate could sign up for this? what if they were a rapist? or a child molester and you have kids?! omg this is such a bad idea! and plus inmates are in prison for a reason. they are criminals, and if they are in jail for more then a few years, then they've done something pretty bad and they deserve to have some "abandonment" issues at the least! They are there to be punished not to be given access to commit other crimes! i really hope that is a joke!
4 people like this
@Thomas73 (1467)
• Switzerland
13 Feb 07
The site is pretty serious, which is why I was asking for people's opinions here. When you get to know the person, maybe then you can also get to know the crime he/she committed, and the circumstances of their act. Many people are in prison for crimes they regret bitterly, or sometimes because of an error of justice!
But I must admit that I personally wouldn't date an inmate, regardless of her crime. Thank you for expressing your opinion.
3 people like this
@Savingsibes (175)
• United States
13 Feb 07
It is my opinion that inmates shouldn't even get pencils to write with. Who cares if they don't have internet access, which some of them do btw. I have friends who aren't criminal and they can't afford a computer. This question blows my mind. I cannot imagine anyone befriending one of these people, but I know that they are out there. I suppose it is because they are as screwed up as the person sitting behind bars.
Here is an example for anyone who would ever, ever, possibly consider writing to one of these people.
A guy that I grew up with, who came from a really good family and was a nice guy, murdered 4 people exeuction style and two of the people happened to be pregnant women. He was 19 years when he did this. He was sentenced in Maryland to 4 life terms (they could not charge him with the deaths of the unborn fetuses).
This piece of sh** has his picture on the internet looking for friends and posting his release date of 2012. Liar, murderer, Sociopath. Whoever would befriend a person like this, has to be so screwed up they are beyond finding friends in normal society. They should have killed him a very long time ago, but yet he is still sucking up air and tax dollars. Just remember, he was reeallllly nice guy.
@Thomas73 (1467)
• Switzerland
13 Feb 07
There are many other 'reealllly nice guys' like the one you describe who rightly rot in prison, and I understand how you feel. I only wanted to point out that prisons also contain people who committed a crime on the spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, and who honestly regret what they've done. Shouldn't we show a little bit of compassion for those ones?
4 people like this
@celestial_fantasia (620)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I feel that yes, some do deserve some compassion....but not much. The ones who fully admit to their crimes and have decided to change (and really do) then yes. Not all prisoners are murderers or rapists. However, we all need to remember, they put themselves in there, even if they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yes, these are people too. I understand that, but think....they hurt alot of people too and don't those victims deserve compassion? If you were a victim of a prisoner...would you want them to be happy or be in the process or hurting someone else? I think not. I just think we all need to use some common sence here, that is all.
1 person likes this
@Savingsibes (175)
• United States
13 Feb 07
No. No compassion for them. If they committed a spur of the moment crime, they should be made to sit there and think about it every single day, so the next time something spur of the moment happens, they will walk the other way.
Look no one is without sin, I simply feel if you get caught and go to prison, you should be incarcerated. It is not a hotel, it's jail. Where's the punishment if you get to pretend your not locked up.
3 people like this
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I read an article by an investigative reporter once who checked into who dates and marries prisoners and why.
Pretty interesting, really. Ready?
Some women want the status of having a husband/boyfriend but want to:
1) Know where he is all the time.
2) Have all the power in the relationship.
3) Not have to put up with having a man around.
4) Have the notoriety of a convict significant other.
Just goes to show that people chose their partners for some strange reasons.
2 people like this
@HollywoodCole (17)
• Saint Kitts And Nevis
13 Feb 07
Very true indeed. That applies to a lot of women/men with insecurities.
2 people like this
@achyuta (2851)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I would not indulge in such a relationship for several reasons. Firstly, I will always have this doubt rightly or wrongly that this person who is saying that he is not guilty may infact be not telling the truth atleast the whole truth. Secondly, this is a difficult relationship because you cant spend enough time with such a person to know him better.
However, having said this I would not mind sending a friendly letter to them. Nice post.:)
3 people like this
@fabwisp (1327)
•
13 Feb 07
I would write to one I think. Its very hard because innocent men get convicted and for some crimes there can be reasons behind their acts. But we will never know. So yes i think i would write to one and am even gonna go have a look at the site. But as for dating an inmate....thats a question I cant answer. Things happen in very strange ways. I could say no now but end up falling in love with one....who knows. But thanks for the link I am studying a degree in psychology and might find some useful material there.
@HollywoodCole (17)
• Saint Kitts And Nevis
13 Feb 07
Well, considering the dumb laws that the U.S. enacts to put people behind bars, I wouldn't doubt that people inside would need some kind of love and affection from people outside.
Not everyone is in prison for killing and r*pe. It's a sad thing that a great many inmates are there for having a controlled substance that shouldn't be illegal in the first place.
That's the great America that everyone loves!
3 people like this
@nicky35 (747)
•
13 Feb 07
i can understand that some of these men must be very down and lonely,but i wouldnt want to get into writing to them because i dont know what theyve done.what if theyre child molesters or women beaters and im a single mum with three kids.no im just too scared or i would.
2 people like this
@sharon613 (2321)
• United States
13 Feb 07
It depends if the guy has been clean for at least five years and hasn't had any more mishaps.
2 people like this
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
13 Feb 07
Ummmm....let me think.....Ummmm.... NO!
Sorry, but these guys are the poster child of bad idea when looking for that soul mate. However I am not surprised by the women that would seek companionship from these guys, nor the men from the women convicts. We humans are a strange bunch that seem to over look the obvious warning signs of big mistakes. Sometimes it is surprising how in the world our species has survived this long, LOL.
2 people like this
@fayzah (253)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Salut Thomas, me I would not date an inmate, for the reason, that how could you really tell if they have changed or not, I would not take that chance, I also would not take a chance on the on-line dating scene as well, like you stated, anyone can lie, and can make themself look so noble.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I don't think that I could. I have heard stories in the past of people who have found true love that way, oh yes, and I'm sure that there are some wonderful reformed criminals sitting in their cells who would have more than the time of day to write back and forth with me about anything and everything under the sun, which is something that I crave - communication with someone who would truly be interested in what I have to say, on a daily basis. But I still feel too wary of the idea of letting a convicted criminal into my life, to think about doing it.
@crickethear (1417)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Thomas, you are funny. No, I personally would not date an inmate. As tempting and luring you make it sound. I just can't bring myself to go there. I have known women who have done that, and I haven't heard one success story.
2 people like this
@Deja88 (113)
• United States
25 Feb 07
Well, I write to 3 different inmates. I think everyone deserves a second chance. I enjoy it and I like the idea of puting a smile on someones face. If I were interested in someone enough and felt like something more could become of it, of course I'd date a prisoner. Sometimes you have to look past the bad to see the good in a person.
1 person likes this
@Idlewild (6090)
• United States
16 Feb 07
If I met someone and it turned out they have been in jail, that would be one thing. Or being a penpal with someone in jail, I could see that.
But seeking out someone who is a prisoner to be my romantic partner, that's another thing.
Of course, a person could get very philosophical and say that we are all prisoner of our hopes, desires, and destinies, but being locked in a correctional facility with a bunch of tatooed gals is somethin' else altogether!
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
13 Feb 07
No thanx. The felons are there for a reason and I do not need that in my life. I do not think that I would be dating one even if i had been single for 10 years. I have heard stories about this and most of the times they have 10 girls and all of them are dating, sending him gifts and money and then he gets out and never calls you again...
IO do belive that u really need to be desperate to do this kind of thing...
Not for me but if someone chooses to do it, i just hope that they know what they are doing!
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
13 Feb 07
I took a look at the site and in most adds they do not state what they are in for. imagine you dating a child molestor or murderer without knowing it...
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
If somebody I was dating ended up in prison then yes, depending on what they actually did to get put in there I could probably continue the relationship.
But on the other end of the spectrum, I can't see how I could possibly be motivated to go online to find a partner from a site such as this! I guess we all have our idiosyncrasies and some of us are attracted to things others would find repugnant but people are people I suppose. I would like to think that I would never need to resort to a women in prison site just to find a girlfriend though!
1 person likes this
@Profetu (1253)
• Romania
22 Feb 07
I am now officially speachless.My brain never got empty and i was quite proud of that.Now i don't have the chance to brag again with that..Thank you :P...I would not even consider as a possible option a date like that.Despite the fact that i reaaaally do not enjoy all the Valentine's Day phenomenon,if i'd ever go so desperate for a date..i would probably buy a bottle of whisky and spend a LOT of time with my single friends.
1 person likes this
@Rallymel85 (17)
• Australia
16 Feb 07
My partmer went to jail for 4 months while we were together, and some of the inmates i met were very nice. But that was a prison for specific crimes so the people were very normal people, alot of them had just made a bad mistake.
