Am I treading on dangerous ground?

YES it is dangerous ground. You are wanting from him what you HAD in your hubby. Talk to your hubby the way you talk to your friend. Talk to him the way you did when you were dating. You have a very young baby, you are very young. You need to be stable and content. Your floundering around looking for attention and you need to be very careful that you don't attrack something your not prepared to deal with. Your lives change when a baby comes in to your life. Your routines, your speical time with eachother. I have not read your other posts on this subject yet so I may be way off. In order to end a marriage you have to think that you would be better alone than with him.... don't assume the grass is greener on the other side. Men get funny about dating women with small kids. Good luck to you, life is too short to spend it unhappily but... give it all ya got, so that if you leave you can leave knowing you did everything you could to save it. Put the effort in now and you may very well discover the love you thought was never there.

Would you think this was dangerous if your best friend was a female and not male? You say he's just a friend and that you have allready established that (by both of you)it will not go any further, so if your feelings are totally inoccent, as are his, then I would treat it the same as I would if he was a female friend. If your husband is being the way he's being and your the one saying this then i dont think this one persons opinion is going to make him seem any worse. If thats the case then your also getting our opinions and i would hope that no matter how many opinions you get on this matter, that you make decisions that make you and yours happy and move you forward in life. I trust that you know yourself enough to trust your own judgements when the time comes, after all who knows you better then you hun xx

Yes it can put you in danger because you see in marriage there is always some stress factor involved in it.SO do not worry, but yes do not confide too much in your male mate.

I personally think this can and may turn out bad for your marriage. Right now you see him as the better person than your husband and maybe you'll get overwhelmed by how he treats you. I know that he's just a friend...but sometimes when people are not happy anymore with their current relationship, they tend to look for the comfort zone, someone who will give them what their partner lacks. This usually leads to cheating (just my theory). I am also married...(I can say happily though), we have a lot of ups and downs and I know the whole relationship can be rocky at times...but I think you and your husband should talk about things seriously. I personally don't know the reason for it being this bad but I always believe that a good adult conversation (with cool heads of course) can and will solve anything. Instead of spending time with your guy friend, why not spend it with your hubby? Email him, laugh with him, do everything with your hubby! I hope everything turns out well with you. Goodluck!

How does you husband feel about this frienship? I to had a very close guy friend just as you described and we could talk about everything, and unfortunately he passed away a lil over a yr ago, But my husband was fine with it and even became friends with him. I was in a relationship with my ex-husband for 13 yrs who also had the same addiction, he became violent and moody when he didn't have the marijauna. It is hard on the other person, believe me i ahave been there. If he won't compromise with you then i can understand your problems, and by all means you need your friend for someone to talk to. I didn't have anyone at that time, and it was awful. True friends are hard to come by, cherish them.

Yes, that could get ugly. In my experience (not with me but by many married friends), when a spouse confides in someone about relationship problems a lot to someone who is not their spouse, they have a special bond, it's more like an emotional affair. It may be hard, but it's better to confide these thought to your spouse, communication in marriage is crucial-how do you expect things to get better if you can't tell your husband these things? Marriage is really tough, but you need to talk and work together, you are a team. Hope things will work out for you!

You sound just like me, but I'm sorry to have to tell you this you will have to slack back on leaning on your friends and lean more on your husband even if you aren't getting along. It will make it all seem worse and it is dangerous for your relationship.

No I don't think so you need someone at this time, as I said to you I have been there. He is being your Friend and you need a friend right now. So do not beat yourself up about it. The Person that was standing by me was also a Male Friend. I mean he lived 3 Hours away but he was the biggest rock to me on the Phone. So do not look into it any further, as long as your Friend understands this.

I think it's possible. I've witnessed vulnerability really making things hard in relationships because the other person goes and does something they really shouldn't had because of that. I'd just be careful. If you feel like something could happen, just distance yourself from him for awhile. Better safe than sorry.

I agree with what Sweetpeas said. If he is just a friend and that's all it's ever going to be then I don't think it's dangerous. However, I'm curious to know why you would even think such a thing as I'm sure this wouldn't cross your mind at all if your friend was a female. Are you having thoughts about you and this friend together?

Dear Moonmagick, I did read and comment on one of your previous posts about this, so I'll try not to be repetitive here. As I mentioned last time, try to get some counseling, just for YOU... I tend to agree with your earlier assessment that perhaps you have "lost yourself" within the relationship. I've "been there, done that" with my ex, who was emotionally abusive and turned out to have a personality disorder. I don't know that your friend is a "danger." Frankly, what's in danger is your marriage; I sense something fishy going on with your husband and his behavior. As for your friend, I tend to agree with the idea that you should ask yourself if you'd be having anxious thoughts if this person were female, instead of male? Probably not, I suspect. And in view of the fact that you and he have already worked through the issue of NOT having a relationship, I doubt there is really much threat there. However, whereas you may be glad and/or relieved that you have his support, and a willing ear to vent to, I doubt this man is someone who can really help you figure out what's going to happen with your marriage. Based on earlier posts, and this, it strikes me that your husband is not exactly behaving in a very respectful or reasonable way. And given that this degree of problems is going on after just 1 1/2 years (where most couples are still in a happy-happy-butterflies-and-flowers stage), you may be needing to contemplate the question "is this marriage worth saving." Frankly, only you and a THERAPIST can come to a reasonable decision about that. A friend is almost always going to take your side, and you'll end up with a decision skewed by only your own perspective. HOWEVER, nobody "has to" spend their life living in a miserable situation. This was a question put to me, by a marriage counselor, some 15 years ago: "Exactly WHO stands to gain from two people wasting their lives living in a situation NEITHER feel happy to be a part of?" Of course, your situation is complicated further by the baby, so I hope you can get through to your husband (perhaps with some suggestions from a counselor of your own) and get him to go into marriage counseling with you. Namaste, Peter

You should talk things over with your husband, not this other guy. Even though you are freinds with him he could be thinking something else. There have been several time in my life where women would ask me advice with the issues such as this. My suggestion was to dump them and date me. But so guys think this and say other things. Beware of this...

There has to be a reason you find the need to ask or share this information with us. My guess is you either have more than brotherly feelings for someone other than your husband. Whatever you decide give it lots of thought and then give it even more thought before you end your marriage. If the marriage isn't worth saving than let it go if that's what you want but don't jump from the fire to the fry pan. Spend time as a single person and REALLY get to know the next man first. I didn't and I'm on my second marriage and had no time as a single person. He might look like a honey now BUT you don't know someone unless you live together for a while. Good Luck Moonmagick (hugs) Grandmaof2

Personally, I think it is dangerous for your marriage for you to be sharing this much emotional stuff with anyone but your husband. If you cannot share this stuff with your husband, then you definately have a marriage problem and would probably want to seek counseling. Even if you cannot get your husband to go to counseling right away, you are better off talking to a counselor than your friend - male or female, because you indicated your marriage is on the rocks. Any friend is only going to sympathize and share your side, and not give you the objective advice that you need to save your marriage. I'm not a professional but that's my opinion. Do you go to church? Does your husband? A faith based counselor would be best. Good luck!

I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing if you are just friends. My best friends (both male) saved my life when I was going through rough times.

~I think you are walking on dangerous ground. I think although you say you love him like a brother, I think there's a really thin line. And I think you know that or else you wouldn't be asking the question. You must be feeling something toward him or else you wouldn't be feeling like you're walking on dangerous ground.~ ~I know you said that you wouldn't cheat on him regardless of how rocky things are, but in your mind you think it's already over. So that might influence your actions. Also, there is such a thing as emotional cheating. And if you're not careful enough, you might just commit the crime.~ ~Do what you feel in your heart, and try to find your happiness. If that means finding someone else, then go for it. Even if it means having to hurt someone else. I know it sounds selfish and mean to say, but in the end, if you're meant to be together, you will be. And if not, then you wont.~

How lucky you are in this awful time to have someone to turn to who is truly on your side. It sounds to me that your friend is doing everything right. He isn't the one clouding your judgement ...your husband is doing that. Your friend is keeping you from going crazy. You're living with a time bomb. I'm thinking if you just found out about the weed there is probably more you don't know. Your friend is your rock and from what you say is keeping an objective perspective. I've been in similar circumstances to you and what your husband is doing is laying a huge guilt trip on you and dragging you down to the level he is at. The more you try to help him the worse it will get. I'd say he still loves you at some deep level but he is in a truly big mess. And that's why he hurts you ...because that's a way to hurt himself even more. You don't want/need to stay around and be his emotional punching bag. Seek counselling for yourslf. Consider turning him in. Tell him he needs to straighten up or leave. Be firm, stay calm. The only thing you are doing wrong is to allow him to make you miserable. Be happy! I know this might sound silly but it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. Enjoy your child. Enjoy your good health and whatever abilities you have. Don't be in this emotional state....where does it say in the rules you have to be emotional? That's a choice you make - do you realise that Say to yourself...I'm not going to feel so crappy anymore. Only you are in charge of your feelings my dear...absolutely no-one else. Separate yourself from the misery that your hubby is wallowing in. You'll figure it out. You have so much going for you.

I feel that you are treading on dangerous ground. and for the time being, you and your friend need to keep your distance. you need to talk more to your husband and try to work things out.

Hi, I'll be honest with you here, but remember I'm only a stranger on a message board and don't know anything good about your husband...only the bad things that I'v read. But from what youve written in your previous posts about your husbands pot habits and moodiness, I don't think that your judgement is clouded. I think the problem you are having with your marriage is pretty genuine. I think your guy friend is a valuable ally for you and you need to keep him there. Obviously don't cheat on your husband because you need to feel good about yourself in the process of potentially ending your marriage. Let HIM be the bad guy, not YOU. But it doesn't sound like youre wanting to cheat.

Yes, I really do think it is dangerous. You and your husband need some quality time and probably need to get some help. No marrige will be perfect, but the ones that make it do no because they couple made it work, not just because they "tried it" and it didn't work out. I strongly reccomend the controversial books "For women only" and "Fascinating Womanhood". After all, if what you are doing is not working, it might be time to try something else!