Children and Divorce

You just always have to remind them that it is not because of them. You have to just say it is that mom and dad just could not get along and that they need to be separate for a while. It was nothing that they did. Just let them know that both mom and dad still love them all and always will.

I know it would be difficult for you to let them know, but thatz a reality and they got to face it. If that really bothered you, you should not have divorced, instead adjusted or compromised, I speak from the Indian Context(as i am one). Now that you have already opted for it, then wait for time to pass. one day they themslves will understand what had gone wrong

No matter what you do the children always get hurt in the divorce. You need to sit them down and talk to them, perhaps one at a time (which is what I did) so that I could give them my whole time answering any questions they may have. I would not start it off with divorce but moreover say that Daddy is going to go live somewhere else so that you don't fight and be upset all the time that he only wants what is best for the children. That way they know that he still loves them and is not leaving them for good. It is also essential that they get to see their father often while this is going on and to make sure neither of you says anything bad regarding one another to the children (which is difficult when going through a divorce but attainable). Some children take it well, others don't you just need to be prepared to be there for them while they are going through all they do.

I am sorry this has happened I went through a divorce last year I am glad we didn't have any kids. I will pray for you and you kids.

I was 5 when mine divorced. It's my understanding that the thing I was most worried about was how it would affect MY daily life. I wanted to be reassured about things that wouldn't change and if they would, I wanted to know how. I mainly wanted to know (since they said we would have to move) whether or not my swingset (which was my whole life, basically) was going to be able to be moved to my new yard. I really just wanted to know what the whole routine of daily living was going to be like from my perspective. I also, as the next few years went on, became very concerned with what I was supposed to say (or not say) to people who asked ME questions about it. I desperately didn't want to be asked about it. I wanted all that to be directed at them, but you know people, and it just doesn't work that way. So, as long as they gave me "canned" responses, I was okay to deliver them. (And I think the best canned response is, "You really should ask my mom or dad about that.")

Dear Dara I have lived through this personally and I can only tell you what worked for me. I chose to allow my ex full access to his children with 24 hr notice and we sat down together and discussed with the children who were 2,4 and 5 and 1/2 at the time that we both loved them very much but we could not stay together just because we loved them and that even though Daddy wasn't going to be living in the same house as we did that he still loved them and would always be there when they needed him. We told them they could stay with both of us at certain times and that would revolve around their school hours. If daddy doesn't have one already get a cell phone and make sure it is posted near the phone or even programed into the phone so they know they have a way to reach him if they want to talk to him. Above all keep asuring them that you both love them and that they are not to blame for what happens between adults

I have gone through this and the best advise I can give is this... The best way to handle the situation is to be honest with them. Let them know what is going on without making mom or dad look bad. Just tell them that you both still love them very much and that things don't always work out as we plan them to. That you and dad get along better as friends. And always remember that when the kids are around you are friends(if your're not). The kids are going to be hurt. Thats just an unfortunate fact, but they will cope and deal better if the two of you get along and are honest with them. And if possible both of you should sit down with the kids together. There are no easy solutions to your situation. Best of luck to you!

Whatever else happens in this situation EVERYONE needs to have the kids interests at heart. You are all adults and should be able to conduct yourselves so that the kids have an ok time with this. Too many fight in front of the kids, some blame and be negative about their spouses, never in front of the kids. They have to know also it is not their fault, that it is the adults that cannot get along. Each adult should be able to say that they had fault in this breakup. Ideally each of you including grandparents and future spouses should be including. Develope a village to raise these kids to wonderful adults! Good luck with this. Hope that in this case this is possible.

Sorry to hear this Dara. Boy you must really have your hands full with 4 children. My husband and I split up almost 3 years ago after 18 years of marriage. My children were 15 and 6 at the time. I think you make it age appropriate. I mean what your 9 and 7 year old understand will obviously be different from your little ones. My children were upset at first. I think my 15 year old was more worried about where we were going to go and if we'd survive and if his life would change. I think that was his perspective. My then 6 year old was probably more worried that it was her fault which I reassured her it wasn't. Once my kids saw us out on our own and loving it (much more peaceful house) they were really happy. I know they miss their Dad but they also see the benefits. Good luck, it does get easier.

Do what you are doing and that is being honest. we as parents think we need to sugar-coat things when we talk to our children. they are so much smarter then we ever really give them credit for. be honest with them. tell them like you said mommy and daddy are not getting along and we need some time apart. it is not because of anything you children did and no matter what we as your parents love you. never talk bad about the other parent no matter how bad it may get. good luck

i haven't been a mom before but my parent went through a divorce..and surprisingly..i agree with their decision.. but you know what..i think the best thing is to talk about it again with your husband..because it wont do any good to your children..but if you really cant be together anymore, just tell your children that if you two stay together then you will not be able to give the best love you could ever give to them..and both you and their father wants a good future for them.. im not sure if they can understand that already but make them feel that you dont want them to see a good family falling apart because of fights..^_^ i hope i helped you in some way..

Hi Dara_momto4, Have you already filing for divorce? I read on your other discussion; you are going to file for it (I take that you are not yet filing the divorce). I hope, as the adults, you and your husband can resolve whatever problems you have without need to file for any divorce. Nevertheless, when/if it comes to that, the best explain to your children would be being honest. It's also not a bad idea if you ask them first (the kids) what would they think if/when you decide or your husband decide not to be together anymore. Who knows, from their point of view, we the adults, who sometimes 'act' like kids, can learn from the children. I pray that everything works good with you, and all the best to your family, Dara_momto4.

I have not been married and i'm not going through divorce, but i do help this helps a bit. I watched this movie years ago... Mrs. Doubtfire.. a line in a movie said 'Just because your mom and I stopped loving each other, it doesn't mean that we'll stop loving you.' Also another line from a movie but i can't remember which, but the characters also had a divorce .. 'divorce isn't a bad thing, you get to have 2 families who love you, there are children out there that doesn't even have 1 family. You are lucky.' something like that. i hope it helps. i think the best way is to keep things positive even if they seem grim. and involve their dad in the process. make them see that you guys are still friends and that you both will continue to support them and care for them.

I think that a child needs both the parents in order to grow properly. A child wants to see his mom and dad together and will hate to see them separated. However there are situations where the parents have to separate and in such cases the children suffer a lot. You should try to do something in order to prevent them from being depressed and stuff.

The diverce is always a problem for children..

Is a big problem. I'm divorced but I dont have a sun, on dog...that my husband must keep.......now after a few time a dog live whith me.......my usband take adog some a pack, I telling no, the dog remaing whith me forever, it's not a bag... for a children, I listen a history very bad, and strange.......

Tell the children that mommy and daddy can't get along like they argue with each other. Tell them you two still love each other and them but just need a break. In time, as long as your husband spends time with them, they will adjust. It's going to be hard on them at first. It was for me when my parents split, but in time with me still seeing my dad, I realized it was more peaceful. I was nine when my parents divorced. At first there will be sadness, then anger. The older ones will probably have questions. Just sit down with your husband and be honest with them in their terms of understanding. Let them know it's best for them not to be around you two fighting.

me and my ex split up after 11 years and we had two children together. my kids knew for a long time how he was (being verbally abusive and all). they knew when i left that it wasn't their fault actually they was all for it. after sometime had passed and they didnt see him, i had to come back around to settle custody matters and they get to see him every other weekend which if i had my way about it they wouldnt. hes very seldom giving them supervision (they are 7 and 11) and he lives at a motel that his mom runs. so half the time they are in the room by themselves and that i dislike. its never easy on a child when their parents split up but trust me they are smarter then you think. all i can tell you is i wish you and those kids the best of luck because every situation as its own out comes. good luck

whilst this is the hardes tthink to do sometimes you both need to try and keep it civil it would be best if you teld them you still care for each other but just dont want to live together any more that you both will still love them and want the best for them to live in a home where no one is arguing all the time !then try to mainain controll for the kids sake allow visits and never even talk badly about the other partner in the childrens presence !

Divorce is something that happends alot these day. But the thing is you must tell your children the truth, don't hod bak anything. I say this because when they are older they could figure it out. So just tell you kids right straight up. Oh and good luck!