Why are people so rude and inconsiderate!? **warning: rant**
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
United States
February 15, 2007 11:46am CST
Every year we take a family trip up to a cabin in the mountains with my whole family over President's Day Weekend (between 9 to 11 of us). We all split the cost of the cabin between each person. Two years ago, we took my son's childhood bestfriend with us (and paid for him). Last year we took that same friend plus 2 other close friends of my son's with us (and we paid for each of them). It has become a tradition and the boys look forward to the trip.
So when we were getting ready to book the cabin for this year I asked each boys parents if they were going to be able to join us this year - they all said "yes". I explained that I needed to know for sure because I had to pay for their portion ahead of time. I was assured that they boys could all go. (the same 3 from last year).
We are leaving tomorrow morning for our trip and I paid my nephew back in early December for myself, my husband, my son and his 3 friends. It came out to $140 per person so $840 for our part.
I find out this past Monday that one of the boys can no longer go with us because his sister just had her baby and the family has decided to travel to Utah for the weekend to see them. Yeah, I was mad but I can kinda understand. I wish the parents would have just told me he couldn't go to begin with - they knew their daughter was due this week and they were going to go up there if she had the baby. I think it was rude to have me pay for their kid to go with us with the high chance that he wouldn't end up going. I didn't know she was due now or I wouldn't have done it. Whatever, I can eat the $140 for that kid or *try* to find someone last minute to take his spot.
BUT to top it off, now my son's childhood bestfriend's (since they were 4 years old - he's like a son to us) mom called me Tuesday night and leaves me a message that her son won't be going with us because he's doing poorly in school and got detention for this Saturday. I can't tell you how mad I am about this.
Now I feel like my son's trip has been ruined and I'm out $280 all because these people are so inconsiderate.
I know people will tell me to ask them for the money, but that's not something I can do. I paid because I was trying to be nice and both of these parents are acting like it's no big deal that I forked out for them to go and they are just up and canceling at the last minute!
My son doesn't have anyone to refill these spots with either.
Thanks for letting me vent - it was welling up inside of me and I needed somewhere to get it out. :)
11 people like this
15 responses
@cjthedog64 (1552)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I think you must be a wonderful mom for doing all these things for your DS and his friends. I figured after that last trip you did that you wouldn't bring all the friends again. I'm really sorry that they've continued to abuse your generosity. Are there any friends / coworkers of yours or DH's who might want to go? I know it's great for DS to be able to hang with his buddies, but maybe you should think about something different, for just the family... Hope the trip turns out ok! Have fun!
3 people like this
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
• United States
16 Feb 07
lol yeah that last trip was a real doozy - which is why we were only bringing these 3 "good" kids with us this time and they are good kids for the most part. They have gone with us on this same trip in the past and it all went really well. My family considers these 3 boys as a part of our family as well - I just wish the parents hadn't committed to something that wasn't a for sure thing on their end. My son's bestfriend lives 2 hours away so this is one of maybe 2-3 times out of the year that we get to have him with us and we look forward to it. He didn't just 'all of a sudden' start doing poorly in school, so when I talked to his mom 2 weeks ago and she said everything was still a "go" at that time, did she not know his grades were bad then - she could have at least given me a warning then or started to take action with him 2 weeks ago so that he wouldn't be so behind right now when she knew we had a trip planned.
Next year I will not be doing this - if they are coming with us, then they will have to pitch in for the cost of the bigger cabin to fit the extra kids. I know my son has more fun with his friends being there, and I don't blame him - mom isn't going snowboarding so it's hard for me to send him up to do it alone. Luckily the one kid is still going so it's not a total loss. We'll have fun, we always do - but it sucks that I'm out the $200+ that I could have used.
Lesson learned, that's for sure!
Thanks for the response.. thanks for all the responses! :)
2 people like this
@Myrrdin (3599)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
Well I can see you not wanting to try and collect the money from the first family, but the second definatly should pay you back. Are these people aware of how much you shelled out for this? Perhaps they think it is a pretty cheap deal and not something quite so expensive.
3 people like this
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
• United States
15 Feb 07
You could be right.. they may think it's a cheap thing but then again, I'm not so sure. We just took a trip up there for my son's birthday last month and I was talking to both of these mom's about how much the cabin was because they had asked out of curiousness (it was a nice cabin and they were thinking of renting it themselves in the future). So they know that it's a couple of thousand dollars and with this being a huge holiday weekend for the local ski resorts, the prices are even higher. I'd like to think they are just naive but part of me isn't buying it.
The second mom makes me even madder because it's her son's birthday coming up and my gift to him was going to be his lift ticket to go snowboarding this weekend. I told her just a week ago that I was going to purchase those lift tickets online because I didn't want them to sell out. She knew this. Luckily for me, I got sidetracked and didn't order them by the time I found out he couldn't go but I was set to order them yesterday so it's a good thing she called first. As far as she knew, I already had bought them when she cancelled and she made no mention of paying me back.
Oh well.
Thanks for your response.
2 people like this
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I don't blame you for being mad I would be too. That is a lot of money to put out. They should be so grateful that you are covering their trip. Their parents should be doing that. I would never expect someone to pay 140.00 for my kid. I'd feel so bad. Well try to enjoy yourself anyways and have fun eating 280.00 worth of food.
3 people like this
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
16 Feb 07
That is a great idea to split the cost of the cabins when you go for a weekend away. I do think when this boy had to cancel that his parents should of given you some money to compensate for the cost that you had to pay out I know if it was me that is what I would of done. Yes it does look like your son's trip has been spoiled some parents are just not right what they do I hope that your son will go and enjoy himself and maybe he will find someone else up there in the cabins to play with and keep him company, but I would have a go at these parents and tell them that they do have to give you the money.
@mzbubblie (3839)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Well first off, I see your frustration..And I will rant with you...
For starters, If the parents agreed from the jump that their child could go, they should be liable for paying you back if they now turn down the offer. That's just respect...You are doing them a favor, some people don't look at it like that..yes INCONSIDERATE!!!
Now I bet if you was a collection agency and it effected their credit score or report, I bet they would be ready to pay ASAP...lol
Lastly, things like this that happens, I can imagine discourage you from inviting people on future trips and doing good deeds as you did..
I'm sorry this happen to you, it's sad that those parents not looking at the big picture. I hope you enjoy your trip overall or your son gets someone else to go with him on the trip...
Good luck to you, I know you will have fun....
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Feb 07
These people should not have let you pay their son's share in the first place. It just shows that people can take so much for granted. That's a whole lot of money and I can understand you anger and frustration. You'll be asking them for their share next year ..won't you?? I'll bet those kids won't be going unless you foot the bill. Don't you do it!
3 people like this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
16 Feb 07
Well in the first case I can see that maybe the parents didn't think about the baby being born. Cances are they thought it would be alright then realised that it wouldn't work. Yes they should have let you know ahead of time but they probably have a million things going on....
The second case though, the mom should have known that her son was doing poorly and acting out in class and should have said "No" in the first place. That is certainly sad that you are out of money that could be spent on fun for your family. Maybe next time, don't offer to take those children for free.
@blueskies (1186)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I don't blame you one bit for being upset. The parents of both boys should have offered to pay for their son's expenses for the trip. Secondly, if they made the promise to you and your son, they should have put that promise FIRST and foremost before other issues.
Promises are golden and once you break one, the trust in the relationship is gone. Yes, little Jimmy did poorly in school and taking the trip away from him seems like great punishment. However, Jimmy is not the only person being affected by that punishment. I don't see why his parents can't see that and punish little Jimmy when he gets home from the trip. What they are teaching him is that other people's feelings are not important. That's just wrong.
As for the other parents, who have the new baby in the family, they were inconsiderate from the get-go. They decided to gamble on whether or not their son would be able to go, regardless of the your feelings or the expenses you would incur.
If you want my opinion, you are just too nice to people :) Who's being hurt by all this? You and your son. The next time you try to have some of his friends go with him on a trip, please be sure to place the responsibility on the other parents' shoulders, not your own. Then, if they decide that their boy can't go, that is simply their decision, with no further negative repercussions on you.
I'm glad one of your son's friends can still go. I'm sure it wouldn't be nearly as much fun to snowboard alone.
@HeavenUnaware (1757)
• United States
2 Mar 07
Thanks for your response!
I just wanted to give an update since everyone was so sweet to respond and make me feel better at the time.
We went on our trip without those two boys. It ended up being for the best and we had a good time despite everything. Sure, I'm still a little irk'd to be out the money but I learned my lesson and it won't happen next year. My son had a great time with his older cousin and the one kid who did go with us. The kids who didn't go are the ones who missed out because it was alot of fun.
I have no spoken to either child or parent since before we went on the trip. One of the kids lives right across the street from us (the one who left to see his sister's baby) and normally I see his parents or we stop and talk on a regular basis - they have been in hiding since they got back it appears. I have only seen the husband once and he was in his backyard near the fence with his head popping over - he waved to me as I was leaving one day.
The other kid lives 2 hours away from us and I'm surprised his mother hasn't called to apologize. Oh well, the ball is in their court in my opinion. They screwed up this time and they will be lucky if we invite him to go anywhere with us in the future.
So anyway, thanks to everyone who responded - I really appreciate it!!
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I agree with you that although it would be nice to have them pay the money, that wasn't the agreement. You and the parents didn't have a deal where if they changed at the last minute they would have to pay.
However, I would come up with some kind of agrangement if you do this again next year. When we planned a trip to Powell we told our sons friend that he would be responsible for half of his fair, and sat with the parents explaining how much this trip was going to cost and that should they change their mind at the last minute we would expect to get paid in full if we couldn't find someone to take his place.
I would also let your son express to his friends his disappointment in them not coming esp. the one who decided to act up in school.
I hope you have a fun trip anyway :)
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I can't imagine why they wouldn't just offer to pay for it when they cancelled. Maybe not everyone thinks the way I do, but I know that if I cancelled a trip for my child that someone else had paid for, I would be paying them back for it, even if I hadn't been paying initially.
I know that when I was little and my best friend was supposed to go with us somewhere and couldn't at the last minute, her parents were pretty insistent that they pay my parents back even though they originally weren't going to pay anything for her trip. My parents wouldn't let them because the only extra things they were going to have to pay for her was food and stuff because they were already renting the hotel room for me and my sisters, my friend wouldn't have cost much more at all. But if it had been something like your situation, my friend's parents would have definitely paid. My parents would have paid for any of us to miss a trip like that, too. It would never have crossed their minds to NOT pay.
I really do wonder sometimes why people think that everything in life is free. *Sigh* I understand your point of view, too, though about you wanting to pay for the trip and not expecting them to pay you back if their children go. But why should you be the one wasting the money because their children can't go for some reason? It's crazy. People need to be more responsible.
And now I've answered your rant with a rant of my own. :)
1 person likes this
@beaniefanatic13 (5076)
• Grand Junction, Colorado
16 Feb 07
I'm sorry that for what ever reason today's society feels no resposibility or guilt to offer to pay for their rudeness. Your right the 1st parent should have never agreed with the situation of a baby being due the week of this trip, and should have at the time said I'm sorry I just don't think that it will work out. That said they should be offering to pay for their sons portion of the trip now. The second child's parents should also be offering to pay, or regardless of the situation with his schooling letting him go anyway and starting the punishment afterwards. As for the detention if they were leaving to go out of town on a trip that was paid for would they be throwing a fit over the detention, something could be worked out with the detention being moved to a diffeent day. I understand not wanting to ask and I would feel the exact same way, but the thing is that you shouldn't even have to ask. It just goes to show that people are selfish and care nothing about others. Sorry I too was ranting thinking of past situations over the years.:) I hope that your family has a wonderful vacation and that your son isn't to terribly disappointed. :)
1 person likes this
@Radicalpatriot (665)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I blame schools more than anything else. The radical feminist socialists have taken over and every kid is a victim and serves soft, gentle treatment. When kids don't get the same from their parents or the outside world, they disrupt everything around them.
1 person likes this
@usendme (18)
• United States
16 Feb 07
You have every right to be angry. I am glad you are able to express your anger in a positive way. I understand things happen unexpectantly, but the boy doing poorly in school, I can find no real reason to punish both you and your son's best friend. OK so let the boy miss this trip, but I believe the mother of this boy should at least offer to pay for a trip that has already been prepaid. Of course this is just my opinion.
@brocksolid98 (39)
• Netherlands
16 Feb 07
Well I think your right you cant just ask money back, and $280 isn't nothing, so I think you cant ask someone else to replace their spots but it's weird that they didn't even mention that that guy's sister was pragnent and that the baby could come anytime. And why didnt that other boy got detention after the trip then you would have a lot of money saved
@nic_knick (739)
• China
16 Feb 07
it is the fact nowadays people begin to ignore others. and they dont ever give a damn to other people. they think too much about themselves while wihtout considering or thinking about others. in other words. i think i can say he or she is too selfish. people are more indifferent to each nowadays and they seldom think they have to think about others. why do they do that? weird people...
