help with mental abuse

If you really think you are having after affects, you should try getting help if possible, its nice just to have someone to let it out and just some helpful words and handy advice will take you a long way. You know what? Try to forget about what your ex had to say, he tried making you feel worthless and honey you aren't! Nobody is, and nobody should have to feel like you do because of a man. Be yourself, try and be confident! Don't stop and think about those hateful words he said to you because you know deep down that everything he said to you was bull. As for meeting people, be yourself, be confident, and make small talk! Meeting people isn't really too hard as long as you give it a try. Try to put yourself out there instead of thinking those things you think now. Good luck with everything!

I have been in a verbally abusive relationship, my mother was too. I watched my mother as a child on a daily basis get verbally abused. She was also verbally abused as a child by her stepfather. So she really believes deep down she is the worthless nothing they told her she was. It has ruined her life. It was ruining my life until I got away from it and had to work on it from the inside out. You will have to work on this for a while, but believe me it is well worth it. It took me 5 years, but I felt a whole lot better each year that passed. It is empowering to help yourself. It is important to be surrounded by people that understand and help you get through it. You will have to find what works for you. Maybe it is reading books that are written by experts on this subject. That is one of the things I did. I also talked to a family counselor. I talked to my sister a lot. The best thing you could have ever done was to leave that man. Now you can work on trying to get those awful echoing insults out of your head. Even if you only have time to skim through these books, here are links to some that will be helpful. http://www.verbalabuse.com/3.shtml http://www.concernedcounseling.com/mall/books/verbal_abuse.htm I hope that you get started as soon as possible, as I have read that you are going through a lot of other problems right now, too. I really feel that you should contact and talk to a counselor. They are not expensive and very helpful. They can be a very good tool for someone in situations that you are trying to work through. I am wishing you the best of luck, and hope that you will find the end of the road on these problems. You deserve to be happy, and I bet if you start working on it now, in a few months you will see some kind of difference, and maybe even in one year you may actually have some peace in your life. Please check out the sites I put here. Even if all you have time for is to read a little bit it is something to start with.

As difficult as it might be, I think you have to let this part of your life go. Begin by forgiving everything about your past situation. Forgive yourself and your ex and anyone else involved. Once you get past that point, you can release the past and stop thinking about it. You can choose to think new thoughts about yourself. In fact, that is exactly what you have to do. If you continue to dwell on the past and think those kind of thoughts, you will continue to attract fear, sadness and depression. It might take some time for you to begin to believe in yourself. There is no reason why you can't meet people and associate with them. The fear that has been a big part of your life can be replaced with confidence. You can atually reprogram your mind with supporting thoughts. Say to yourself, "I am intelligent and worthy of meeting new friends. I am happy when talking to others." Or create something especially meaningful for yourself. Whatever you come up with, it has to be something you want. Don't think about what you don't want. Think about the kind of relationships you would like to have and see yourself in them right now. Let all that past garbage go, and think in the present.

I was done the same way for ten years. Until you actually go through something like that, you'll never know the toll it could have on you. I felt like I had been in a cage for years and didn't know how to be free. The only way I got out of my bad marriage was for someone to pick me up from work before my ex got there and hide me out. My husband only let me work for money to give to him. Anyway, I started hanging out with my family who introduced me to people. That's how I started out. Then I found a man who hated my ex for putting me through the things I had went through. We are now married. He was my friend first and had to earn my trust which took him a year to do. It just takes time and you need to go slowly. I also talked to a person at my church to help.

Don't rush yourself on trying to meet new people, it'll happen eventually, but try to first know yourself and love yourself first. Believe that you are not stupid and that this man had a leash on you and didn't want you to be friends with anyone else because he may have been jealous of you and also afraid of the jewel he had, being stolen away from him. Funny thing--You don't own people and as much as he may have wanted too think he owned you -- ha ha he didn't and never will!!!! and you are now free. Do a little dance turn up your favorite song and sing. YOUR FREE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT!! Choose Happiness. He is not there to bring you down NO MORE!! You are a diamond in the rough - - Shine!! God doen't make mistakes sweetheart.

i feel bad about your husband...if he truely loves you then he should not take away your happiness, he should not treat you like that..what you can do now is to try going out with your family and friends first..try to enjoy moments with them

you have already started talking to poeple thru mylot. i know its very easy to just say do this, do that but it requires real courage for a battered woman to stand up and speak out. men have this typical habit of like owning their wives, even in this age. i feel sorry for the breakup of your marriage. i feel sorry for your husband too, after all, you kind of get used to someone for 10 years. i wish parents were more careful in moulding their children, so that they dont make such mistakes in their adult life.

Hi. My name is Mick. The same thing is happening to me in my marrage at the moment. Everyone says leave but it's really hard after 17 years and 2 grate kids, so i just live each day one step at a time and day by day. If you find any answers can you please let me know.I live in hope that someday she will stop it, but i know she never will???

Perhaps you need to start by visiting a Doctor. It is possible that you are suffering from Depression. If this is the case, medication will help you a great deal. As you begin to feel better, you will have the confidence to try new activities and meet new people. There are lots of organisations that will assist you in gaining your confidence. Either a Doctor, a Community Centre, or a Support Worker(Counsellor) can point you in the direction of services. Start tomorrow. See A Doctor, and begin your new life.

First of all, I'd like to say "good for you!" for finding the courage to get out of a nasty situation. Nobody-- and I mean NOBODY-- has the right to abuse another person, and it's a right thing to walk away from such a situation. It's only natural that 10 years in an abusive situation will leave some "marks" and aftereffects. If I were in your shoes, I'd strongly consider finding a therapist who specializes in abuse trauma-- if there is a women's shelter in your town, perhaps they can give you a referral. If that is not possible, at least take a little time to learn about and understand the dynamics of abuse and abusers, so you can recognize such a situation quickly, in the future. There is lots of good information online. One of the best support sites I know of is Dr. Irene's Abuse site (www.drirene.com), where there are lots of articles posted by abuse survivors, as well as professional advice. You might also join the "cat box" forum, which is a very supportive community for abuse survivors, where you can talk to others through message boards.

You'll have to take one day at a time. And only do a little at a time. You spent ten years in this situation it will not be easy for you to fix the problems this caused for you overnight. What you can do is look for a small church to go to, this will help you start meeting people in a controlled enviromemt, and generally people in a church building are going to be nicer than in other places. There will aways be exceptions though. The next thing after joing a church, find a class you might like to take, something you are interested in, and sign up for it, and take the class. Again this would be a controlled enviroment, people would only be there because they wanted to be there, and you will meet people. Also as you learn or relearn a favorite hobby or skill. you will gaing encouragement and find that you are not dumb and you can do things and you can learn etc, Just take one day at a time, and only do what you can don't expect to be able to change overnight,you will get better at meeting new people with practice, so just pick what you can tolerate doing for a limited amount of time in a controlled enviroment and increase as you feel able. HTHS

Hi! I know a lot of people who experienced similar abusive relationships. Their outlet actually is interacting with other people. If it would help please count on me as somebody whom you can message anytime you feel depressed I believe that talking with somebody will at least ease a little the anxieties and feats that you feel.

Please go see a counselor. They will be able to refer you to a support group. Sometimes you just need to be around people that understand what you have gone through. I am bi-polar so I completely understand what you are going through.

I think you should get counselling angelbear. We only have one shot at life and you need to live it to the full and enjoy it to the max. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and everyone has something to offer. Some people feel dumb or not educated yet can be very smart with practical skills. Thats ok. You need to find your strengths and focus on those. Once you learn that the person who puts you down like that is only doing it cos they feel insecure and inadequate then you are on the way to realising that you are a worthwhile person.

I was emotionally abused by my father, and now I am being taken advantage of (I have time on my hands so they think I'm at their beck and call) by other members of my family. One of the ways these people abuse others is to try and make those abused think they are worthless. Not to boast, but I knew the only way I'd beat this abuse was to "get tough or die." Gotta sink or swim. With encouragement from my maternal grandfather, I discovered that people are what they call you. If they call you stupid they're stupid, you're not. If they tell you to shut up, they need to shut up, not you. If they laugh at you, they ought to laugh at themselves. Keep this in mind, and just get out there and take the chance. If someone laughs at you, it's because they have a small mind, not because you are stupid. If someone talks down to you, they are really talking about themselves. Just ignore them!! You are better than all of them.

REad about post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD. It's not just something that soldiers on the battlefield suffer from. Your marriage sounds like it was a personal battlefield. You need to work on your self esteem to overcome the pain from your past. The best way is by seeing a counselor. Good luck. I'm sorry for your pain.

been there, done that. my first marriage was soooo like yours. and now over twenty years later, i am still dealing with the afteraffects, so PLEASE get some help. i kept repeating the pattern of choosing abusive(mostly emotionally, cept this last one) men. i had two assault charges against the last bf and they were both dropped--plead out to lesser charges, so i felt assaulted all over again. it ain't easy, but you can fight your way out, with help. find a good counselor or groups to meet new friends, maybe other women who have been thru the same. there are far too many of us out here. and yes congrats for having the courage to finally leave, it is extremely hard to take that first step.

hi. how r u?.whats special going on life.when you got married y wasnot so mature as y are now.be confident as you are mature.as i suggest you ist tell me about your life and activities if you considered it better.now you must involve the out door activities so that you got confidenceand make sure that got somothing better than you were before.wanna to have a friendship with you if you share somtthing with me. just enjoy your life and be feel mentally relax.thanks

the thing is that you felt trapped in your own relationship. the thing about us women today is that we become stronger and we can rely on each other. we need to show men that we can over come what they put us through and that we should fight for our rights, i'm proud that you have gotten out that just means you've beatten the odds of suffering even more. i knew people who went through stuff like that and couldn't get out so they ended up killing themself or if trying to escape the realtionship the guy would try to kill them.. so i glade your safe and it will take time to self heal but just keep believing that your bewtter then they are and you'll do just fine.. monica

I guess I understand your feelings and situation. I think particularly in countries like you are in people dont care really care ...like you might have friends but they are superficial ..they are not real friends. Here in India we dont have such problems because we have friends who have time and concern for us with whom we can share anything and they will listen instead making fun. if you dont have such friend...you can talk to me.you can call me also.