How has your bad relationship with

Oh my word, I can totally relate to this. I really don't consider myself having a good relationship with my mother. She did and said things to me as a child that still affect me deeply now, as a 29 year old adult. My mother used to tell me that because I was the oldest, and she had problems with both my younger siblings that she didn't need to worry about me, that I could take care of myself. I was about 9 at the time. I felt that I couldn't take any of my problems to my mother. She also was never considerate of anything that I wanted, not even for gifts. One year she gave me a chemistry set, without a book of formulas, because I was interested in science, while my sister got all the Jem dolls and the stage, and my brother got a game boy. Another year I got an electric typewrite, because I was in the creative writing club, even though I wrote my stuff out by hand. Another I got a scientific calculator, because I was taking two math classes at the same time, even though I already had a nice calculator. Another year I received the complete works of William Shakespear, because I was interested in the theatre, even though Shakespear is much better seen than read. For my 16th, 18th, and 25th birthdays I received a big fat nothing, even though I was promised a gift. I was constantly told that I was "just like my father" and that was NO compliment coming from my mother. To this day I still get the feeling that my mom doesn't like me very much at all. I have done plenty of things in my life that my mother didn't agree with, and plenty more where she didn't even pretend to support me in my decisions, even regarding my own children. She undermines me when I go to visit her, allowing my children to do all kinds of things that she knows I don't allow, even after I say no. I avoid spending time with my mother as much as possible. It seems to me that my mother is very self focused, though she does care a great deal about my sister's son. She takes him for visits every other weekend, while she has only taken my daughter overnight once in her entire almost 5 year exisitence. She also tells me that there is NO way she could handle my son (which is bull hockey). I love my mom, I do. But I certainly don't respect her. And I avoid her as much as I can. My infant son's birthday party is going to be on a day that she is scheduled to work, instead of asking for the day off, she just won't come. She also wasnt't there for either of my brother's kid's first birthdays. My brother is also a lot like my father. We both also have pretty regular contact with our father, whom she left the day after my brother turned 1 and divorced shortly after. I would think that after 25 years she'd be better about it, but she isn't. And how has all of this affected the woman I am now? Well, for the longest time, I was really insecure about my looks. I still am. After all, I'm not the "pretty one". I have been very cynical for a long long time. Also, I've always felt the need to "take care of myself" because after all, there wasn't anyone else that I could rely on to help me out.