Your partner cheats on you, forgive or leave?
By jadoreisaac
@jadoreisaac (269)
Singapore
138 responses
@fatpixie (100)
• South Africa
14 Oct 06
LEAVE, definately leave. If they have done it once, they will do it again and again. Especially if you keep on forgiving them. You are doing yourself an injustice by taking that person back. You are setting yourself up to be hurt and emotionally, psychologically scarred. No one deserves that type of abuse and that is what it is ABUSE.
1 person likes this
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
That is what I felt.
I am just thinking right now, if there are any unusual circumstances that is worth considering.
If my partner was raped by someone, that is another issue altogether. It isn't the fault of the person. In fact i would blame myself for not protecting my partner in time.
But if he chooses to cheat and is the pro active one, i cannot find any excuse whatsoever..
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
I agree with you totally. I'll leave if i'm in that situation. I hate to be cheated and betrayed. But i'll be reluctant to leave cause i love him so much. What can be done if thats the case. You know that you both love each other deeply but it happened... then what can we do... to be honest i cant bare to leave my hubby even though he cheats on me. Not that i am allowing him too but i just cant bare to leave him knowing that we really love each other and leaving him due to a mistake he have done... is it abit to harsh or is it just the right thing to do..
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
14 Oct 06
you guys are right.there's nothing as painful as seeing someone you love cheat on you and trust is so light that once broken is very difficult to return back to its basis.i would leave to be honest but what if it was only that once and she was sorry for it?i guess thats another perspective?how about that?
@riia0033 (344)
• India
14 Oct 06
i dnt know what will my reaction be ?
i have forgiven him once , when i caught him red handed in our guest bedroom .it ws very tough situation ,only i know how i was . for few seconds i was still like stone ,u ll nt beleive ,for few hours i was quite & ofcourse wasthinking like every life mate ,where i was wrong .even my hubby's family is not good with me ,i always did what he demanded , ........... i was already suffering and what i saw ,it all was not to forgive him ,,,,,,
but i forgive him as i love him so much . i thought when his tease me a lot , & he too .even after all his kind of cheapness, i am living here to please him ..... then it was nothing in front of his family dramas .
i know he will never change . once he left that girl & realize too but i know he can never b true. if 2nd time it all occurs, i dont know ,what my reaction will b?
1 person likes this
@pannkajisnow (86)
• India
14 Oct 06
It is all about what you want to be and what you are doing now. See, life has a lot for us in store, so never get a thought that what I will be doing if i m alone. It is said that it's a man's world, and yes.. in our society, women's will always find it hard to make a new start, and yes, leaving ur hubby will be a tough one.
There should always some space provided for a relation like urs, but how much that space should be, that you have to decide. Give a second thought. You have the right to live your life to the fullest. You love ur hubby a lot, give him a chance, that will be good if he understands. Else take ur time and get something good for u.
Best of luck
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
i think i can relate to you nia. The part bout loving someone so much despite what the person had done...
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
we just hope we will never need to come to that.
or perhaps the other has been cheating all along and we just dont know yet...
gosh i am such a skeptic! haha!
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
Thats scary... knowing that ur partner have been cheating on u all this while... i dun know why but that frightens me alot... i know my dear dear is not like dat... thank god i have kind trust him wholely...
@cuddlebug79705 (2003)
• United States
14 Oct 06
I just don't know that I would be able to trust them and move on in that relationship. I wouldn't hate them, I would forgive them, but our relationship would be over.
1 person likes this
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
Chances are not easy to come by and i don't think we can easily give people chances...
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Depends on if you love that person, maybe it will make a relationship stronger some times it does.
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Depends on if you love that person, maybe it will make a relationship stronger some times it does.
@shygirl_msgemini (15)
• Thailand
14 Oct 06
You know if your relationship is takes a year it's hard to forget. But you need to move on for the best of the two of you. How? You need to accept what happen, by learning to let go and if you do those thing i'm asure to you that your ready to forgive. But if you got another chance to have another relatioship with others your trust is not the same on the first, you always think if your new partner do the same thing what your ex bf/gf did to you. But in this case you must leave the past to have another relationship so that your trust with your new partner is ok. You know you need to let go, accept then forgive. I say this to you because many times that I did what I advice to you as far as I remember it 4 or 3 times. I did not tell a lie to you because I hate liers. I hope you get my point.
1 person likes this
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
i got wat you mean shygirl Thanks for sharing your thoughts
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
hmm do u mean u would leave and put it behind so u wont carry it onto the next relationship?
@chalmette69 (3007)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Well, my ex-husband cheated on me, and we did try to work it out, I just couldn't trust him anymore, once trust is broken it is very hard to regain it, and I just couldn't so I walked out. I don't think it had alot to do with forgiving him, I could forgive him, it was forgetting I couldn't do.
@chalmette69 (3007)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Yes, we had one daughter, I thought it was better to get out than to put her through all the fussing and fighting we were doing, I loved him deeply, but I think if he really loved me, he wouldn't have done that to our family.
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
i FULLY understand what you mean. that is what i talked about earlier.
i am sorry to hear of what you had to go through. i just wonder if you had kids (you didnt mention so i assumed u dont) would the decision still be the same?
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
but dun u think your daughter would be much happier if the father is around... i would really try to salvage the marridge is i could cause i dun want my child to grow up without the love of the father
@jiffys_frog_woman (4050)
• United States
15 Oct 06
iam wiht mine who has cheated 2x i have not forgave him or let him forget that i know but i still not left him cause of my daughter i feel she needs both of us in her life
@jiffys_frog_woman (4050)
• United States
15 Oct 06
thank you but we are not married we been together 5yrs so some say we are just want what is best for my daughter and thank you
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
Oh yes, another married situation. I totally understand your position my dear. As a married couple forgivng nor leaving is not the options for the r/s. You may have children and it is the only important factor that is still holding the marridge together. I bet you love your daughter alot, which mum do not loves their daughter.. I applaud you for being a great mum... and have the strength to stay on for your daughter. :)
@caribe (2465)
• United States
14 Oct 06
When I was younger and had all the answers, I would have said I would leave. It is definitely a huge problem with the trust issue after it happens to you. But I think it depends on the circumstances as to whether you should leave or forgive, but if you stay it is imperative that you forgive, not forget, because I don't think you can. But if you can't forgive it will tear apart the love that you have.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
hmmm but then again, i agree with caribe, when u are young u straight away knew leave is the answer. But as we grow older, leaving is not the only option if u know u can save th r/s. I guess when u are older u know abit more and u really want to settle down. Young peol can afford to have their trial and error period.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
hmmm but then again, i agree with caribe, when u are young u straight away knew leave is the answer. But as we grow older, leaving is not the only option if u know u can save th r/s. I guess when u are older u know abit more and u really want to settle down. Young peol can afford to have their trial and error period.
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
but i guess a lot of us has experienced something that is done upon us that is not forgivable. or rather not easily forgivable.
if my partner cheats on me, every time i look at him, it will remind myself of what he did. i cant live with that. it cannot be the same again... that pure love has been destroyed, like a mirorr broken into a million pieces.
ok i know i am being too dramatic..
@LovingIt (5396)
• United States
15 Oct 06
Having been married to two cheater, there is no way that I would marry someone that cheated on me before we married. I forgave both of my cheaters and even remarried one of them. If their moral character is this low to start with, there isn't much hope. Sorry to tell you this.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
hmmmm... Thanks for sharing your thoughts... and i'm sorry to hear what you have been through. Do not worry the right one eventually appears. The lord is just preparing uou for the right faithful one
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
oh my i am sorry for you. I guess its just your luck to fall in love with a cheater. Some cheats then show signs of regret.. i was wondering if he/she regrets his/her actions. and your partner is now seeking forgiveness... would you leave or still forgive.. your partner is now really serious and maybe wants to have you for a lifetime and propse marridge for example
@Karinne (1220)
• Australia
14 Oct 06
Well yes i trusted him and didnt think he would of done what he did but it happened. I was with him 6yrs and married 1yr and he was doing the dirty on me. I don't know which is really worse the mental abuse i sufffered or whethered a physical abuse would of been better. Neither is good but someone messing around with your head is very hard to deal with.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
Thanks for your reply. its easier said den done. But to recover from that its not easy... loosing someone you truely love... you leave him/her but after that can u forgive yourself?
@johar_deepti (797)
• India
14 Oct 06
i will forgive my paterner becoz of my baby and my love for him and if he promised my never do this again. as one mistake can be forgiven but not again and again
@jennichad217 (275)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Yes, my husband knows that if it happened again I would leave with my 3 kids
@johar_deepti (797)
• India
14 Oct 06
i just leave him becoz he is no longer a faithful and trustworthy and i can't resepect him any more.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
hmmm... wish i can have your strength. Thanks for your reply :)
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
Forget all? you mean forgive and forget? how easy can that be for you?
@angileyes (84)
• United States
14 Oct 06
How do you just forget? Everytime I would be intamate with this person I would think of this person getting it from somewhere else!
@scorpy01 (38)
• United States
14 Oct 06
It isn't as much about how much love but about your expectations.
If you expect a partner to be perfect, never capable of making any mistakes, then you'll never forgive. But a perfect partner would mean that you need to be perfect, too. That's an impossible goal.
Just accept that your partner is not perfect and go from there. If cheating becomes the norm, then you may want to rethink your relationship. But one indiscretion ought to be a signal that something in your relationship needs extra work.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
a mature reply with full understanding of this world works. Loving yourself is important.
1 person likes this
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
A splendid reply... a response that makes pure sense. It takes two to tango, it takes two to clap, why does he got to cheat on you, obviously something is lacking.
@scorpy01 (38)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Yes, lacking in the relationship or lacking within the person. Some cheat because of low self-esteem. They need to be constantly reminded that they're desirable. No one person can ever do that for someone else so many are sought out. Of course, if you don't love yourself you can't really love another person.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
a real emotional answer but i guess after much pondering, you are right. the jewel, that special light i shne of you is totally gone. You look at her totally diffrent and it all become weird..
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
4 Nov 06
It is difficult to trust someone after he have broke that trust. even after forgiving it will still haunt u and u will still think alot about the incident.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
4 Nov 06
It is difficult to trust someone after he have broke that trust. even after forgiving it will still haunt u and u will still think alot about the incident.
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
14 Oct 06
What if, she is the love of your life. She is your soulmate and it might be her mistake?
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
I guess you are very firm with your decision on this. No forgiving just leave... i see.. but what is she regrets it... isn't there any more love in you to forgive or there wasn't any love to begin with.
@Inconspicuous (349)
• United States
14 Oct 06
Might be her mistake? Oh, it would be the biggest mistake of her life!
Do not waste time on people who do not know what a real relationship is like. Leave immediately!
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
hahha.... thats cute. hmmm. thanks for sharing your thoughts. i'll keep that in mind. :)
@bastar (86)
• India
15 Oct 06
life itself is a learnin experience.. U learn lots as the days pass by.. If u love someone a lot, u expect many things n when those expectations are not fulfilled u r not happy n misunderstandings creep in.. If you think that the love is genuine n is equally frm both the sides u should forgive.. For a relationship to be successful, i feel that small matters as well as the big ones should be soughted out.. Trust n patience is all that counts..
@charlesming (1865)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
i try not to expect too much, but trust is a bare fundamental expectation in a relationship. and i would trust my partner not to cheat. it is very basic i feel.
@selva005 (119)
• India
15 Oct 06
hmmm ... a real lovable partner will never do so .... if he/she does so ... its better to leave .. and go on to the next level of life ... if he/she come backs ... and if you still love him/her can forgive and accept them ... shld have a broad mind ... it depends on the individual ... everything to be done wich doesnt hurt others feelings ...
@jadoreisaac (269)
• Singapore
15 Oct 06
oh yes. hurt is a very important word. How much was hurt and how much can be recovered? how much love do you think is needed for the r/s to go on if u dedided to forgive and forget?
