Protecting your Uniqueness
By Denmarkguy
@Denmarkguy (1845)
United States
February 20, 2007 7:57pm CST
Do small-minded people bother you?
I suppose I should clarify what I mean by that. I am talking about those who seem to pitch a fit over the smallest perceived "slights," often things that had nothing to do with them, in the first place.
I had a friend who got very upset and all "bent out of shape" because I booked a vacation to the same place she was going. In her mind, I was "copying" her. In actual fact, I hadn't the faintest of clues that she was even GOING on vacation. This same person would ferret out "unique" little stores and buy interesting things from them that everyone would comment on-- but she would never reveal the name of the stores, because she didn't want anyone she knew to go there. The most extreme thing she did was break up with a guy she was dating because he'd liked something he'd seen at her house, and then bought one for his own house.
I can only think that this woman was extremely insecure about her own sense of uniqueness... or maybe I am just missing something.
What do you think? Do you know anyone like that?
4 people like this
10 responses
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
21 Feb 07
That seems a bit excessive. When I find something new and unique, I like to share it with those who might like it. I would think you would be happy to have a significant other with similar tastes. Not leave them for it. I dont know anyone quite this extreme. But I do know someone who will fib about where they got things so that others cant go get one like it. But that same person will hound you until you tell them where you got something if they like it. It sounds like your friend is definately trying to be unique at all costs.
2 people like this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
23 Feb 07
Same here-- I want to share, rather than withhold. Come to think of it, this person WAS very "withholding," in almost all aspects of her life.
2 people like this
@urbangirl (1456)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
Sounds like a superiority complex to me...that her sense of self is related to having the "best" and "unique" things and she doesn't want anyone else to have them. A very competitive and self-centred streak which is definitely interfering with her relationships.
I know some people like that. I really can't be in their heads to anticipate them getting slighted, so usually don't bother hanging out with them much.
Conversely people always ask me where I get things. Sometimes I remember, sometimes not (especially if I've had the item for a while). So - when I say I can't remember, it usually means just that, but some people can take it the wrong way - like I don't want to tell them.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I think urban girl is right, she has a superiority complex. She has an extreme case of it, too. I couldn't relate to someone like that. It would drive me up the wall to have to be around them. I would be annoyed and stressed at the same time. I have an aunt like that, she is a lonely person. It isn't a desirable personality trait. The boyfriend she broke up with is lucky if you ask me.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
23 Feb 07
You both make good points-- it was as if the most important thing in her life was to "protect" whatever assets she considered part of making herself always come across as better, smarter, more sophisticated, more cultured, more EVERYthing than other people.
1 person likes this
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
22 Feb 07
Thank god there is no one in my friends like that, by the details you have given she is looking more psychic than unique. It is good to be unique, but there can be likeminded ness amongst persons and may like similar things , but what is the big deal.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I don't know whether she could actually be called psychotic, but she certainly did carry things a bit to the extreme.
@thyst07 (2079)
• United States
21 Feb 07
What really gets me is people who do insane things to show exactly how unique they are...except that everyone else is doing those same "unique" things. Getting tattoos, piercings, dying hair, etc. Emo/scene kids are notorious for this. They so want to set themselves away from the general population and proclaim how different they are...so they all wear eyeliner, tight jeans, and converse/vans. They all look the SAME, and my younger sister didn't get this when she was into that thing.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
23 Feb 07
Ah yes, "collective uniqueness." An interesting cultural oxymoron, at best!
@braided (698)
• Canada
23 Feb 07
Small minded people do bother me actually ... But people that dont have there own originality bother me too ... smilin .. i mean if someone sees something i have and likes it ..its kool and if they want to buy it for their own place well thats ok too ... but if they copy all the things i do because they cant figure out their own thing and what they like ... then yea it bothers me ... i have worked long and hard to refine and define my ideas and create my space and my appearance and my style ... so if they need any ideas ... i would be happy to help them find theirs (maybe i should start a business)but dont take mine ... smilin
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I like people cultivating their uniqueness-- but the "hogging" it like they are threatened by someone else's uniqueness is a bit weird.
@bluewings (3857)
•
25 Feb 07
I haven't met someone so extreme.I think it's lack of self esteem that might be reason for such behaviour.It's hard to believe that none of her friends ever questioned her to understand her line of thoughts.If I was close to her at any point and encountered this ,I'd have tried to talk about it,not critically of course,but only intending to understand as it's difficult to address the issue if you don't know it's roots.From my experiences, I feel ,strange behaviours become easy to understand when we know the past and as we keep talking about it ,the person changes for the better.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I'm sure a lack of self-esteem was part of the picture here. We did try to talk about this "issue," and in not so many words she admitted that the most important thing in her life was to be thought "special."
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
21 Feb 07
I find this to be very strange behaviour, very strange, so self absorbed and I wouldn't class her as a good friend to be bothered about. I guess it takes all types in the world.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
23 Feb 07
Yeah, you're right, of course... it does take all types. Even those who seem a little "unbalanced."
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
I have known people that fuss way too much over the little things yes and normally it is not their business in the first place! I have never really met anyone however that fussed about someone owning the same things! That is just ridiculous and what is the big deal anyway! I think that this person would annoy me tremendously ... LOL!
1 person likes this
@Tetchie (2932)
• Australia
4 Mar 07
I feel for that girl, when you unravel the tight hold she has on what she creates in her life, she's holding onto a deep sadness. Can see the little girl who had things taken away from her. I wonder who took the limelight when she was growing up? Did she have siblings stronger than she was, did her mother take center stage, was it a family of lack. Did she have something special that was taken away.
She holds on so tightly to what special things she creates for herself. I can hear the little girl saying "Mine, mine".
@hellsangelus (670)
• Oman
25 Feb 07
Oh there was this crazy friend of mine too. He was fun in every way but he had one problem. He hated anyone liking the same thing he did. For example one day he was telling me about this movie he wanted to go for. He couldnt make it that day and another friend of ours happened to go for it and mention it the next day. When it was mentioned, he was like Id never go for that movies its such a waste of time, id prefer to watch something with more substance and Im thinking whaaat??? just yesterday he was saying he wanted to watch it. He does this with everyone including me, he will like something until he finds out someone else liked it, then he acts like we are all stupid for liking it. He can so get on my nerves sometimes but noone bothers to call him on it.
1 person likes this
