A Touchy subject..what would you do?

I think your friend put you in a very awkward position. Regardless of her intentions, her action was unethical to say the least. Now to address your situation with your daughter. It is possible to mention that you heard one of the girls in her school or class has been having a hard time adjusting, that she gets teased a lot and maybe even bullied about. You can mention how proud you are that she is the defender of the weak, protector of those in need of protection, and never mention anything about what you have been informed about her role in the afore mentioned teasing and bullying. Guilt is a wonderful thing, love is too...sometimes it takes a little guilt to remind someone how to love.

Oh boy! First of all I know she is your best friend but that is not what she should have done in her profession. As for her being a friend of yours she should have. So I dont know what I would really do. But talk to your daughter and ask her if she knows that girl... I am sure she will go on and on about her. THats when you can ask her if she has done anything wrong to her. You know do it in a sly way. Dont be too disappointed in her... that is what kids do to fit in. I think we all have done it in some way shape or form. Good luck dear and let us know what you get out of her.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about this tricky situation. I'm really surprised that your friend mentioned this girl's name since it could have been possible for her to bring up the subject without disclosing the girls name. But what's done is done so if I were you I'd just talk to your daughter in general about the subject of bullying, ask her how things are going at school and get a feel for what's going on with her. It's possible that the girl who mentioned your daughter's name did so because of a misunderstanding or perhaps she's angry with your daughter for something else, so try not to be too upset with your daughter right now, but it would be a good time to bring up the subject of bullying and peer pressure because things can really change when children go into middle school.

Tell your daughter that one of her classmates reported her for picking on someone else...you don't have to mention the girl's name. You don't have to mention she goes to canseling. Just pretend someone else told you that she was picking on someone.

Oh my goodness...what a situation!! I would have felt so bad when your friend told you, which I don't think she should have done. Just talk to your daughter about teasing and stuff in general. Tell her you want to make sure she understands how hurtful it can be to people and the affects it can have on them!!

very tricky and a very good question. frankly, i wouldn't do anything specific. i would just ask her how school is going. ask about her friends. don't lead her anywhere she isn't taking you. maybe ask about "so and so" that she doesn't talk about too much anymore. ask what her friends are into nowadays. maybe see if she wants to have a sleepover...for her whole class...then, see who she wants to invite...that would be a good way to bring it up. she may straight out say "idon't wanna invite 'certain girl' b/c i don't like her anymore". also, sometimes the kids who seem to be victims aren't always that inoccent. there was a girl who i used to try to stick up for in elementary school and other kids would tease her. honestly, though,she would bring alot of it on herself. teasing is wrong, but she made herself out to be a pretty easy target. anyway...this may be one of those situations where you have to wait for something to come up. OR! just had a thought... call up her teacher and ask for a meeting. just ask her teacher if she's noticed any new behavior changes. maybe she has started hanging out with different kids.... teachers see soooo much more than kids think they do! i bet this will get to the bottom of things and you never have to mention this girl specifically or your friend (who shouldn't have opened her mouth...tsk tsk!). take care!

Sadly I don't see how you can do that without your daughter finding out where the information came from.

I would just start a general discussion about bullying and ask her things about her school. Does she see bullying, does she experience it on either end. Talk to her and suggest ways to act/things to say in various situations. Maybe even do some roll playing for practice.

Complications of relationships ... You will have to talk to your daughter and ask how things are in school and that you receive a notice about the issue... Your child will be having her version of the issue and from there you would know what to do next. you do not have to mention where and how the information reached you. Mother knows best. Good luck

Well, I know I'm late in answering this, but this little girl may think that EVERYONE picks on her because of her own perception and not necessarily because these girls are really picking on her. I'm not saying that she makes it up or that it's all in her head, but if your daughter doesn't normally do that kind of thing, then there is the possibility that the girl is missunderstanding your daughter's intent. But then again, sometimes everyone makes fun of someone unfortunately...is there a way to check with teachers by simply asking, "Have you seen any abnormal behavior from my daughter? Does she get along well with all of the students?" I haven't been on mylot in AGES!! I've had a ton of work to do for school and I'm barely able to keep my head above water!!

Before I respond, I would just like to say, that I like reading and responding to a lot of your discussions, but it becomes discouraging when you have already chosen a best response, because then it feels like you don't care about any of our opinions after that. I would just like to suggest that you wait a bit longer before picking, so that we may all try to get best response. And, even if you don't like what any of us have to say, please wait until after we are all done responding, so we don't feel insignificant. Thanks. Anyway, you do not need to disclose to your daughter how you know, in fact, I would have started by asking her how school is going, if she is getting along with everyone, and if there is anything that she wants to tell you. Also, I have learned that many issues in school, are hidden from parents, because children feel that parents won't understand, but once there is talking done between you both, she will be more forthcoming. Also, I would suggest that you say in the end, if she doesn't have anything to say, that you feel there is something she is not telling you, about her schooling, and that she can tell you anything, even if it is something she is ashamed or embarrassed of. And last, I would just say straight out, that you heard through the school grapevine, that she is not being very friendly, and what is going on? I hope that you solve the situation, it is very frustrating, and not easy, because kids get subjected to peer pressure, but she will learn from her mistakes, and never do that again, once she learns the severity of what she has done.

outch this deffinately sounds like a tricky situation.. what i would do is talk to her about picking on other kids. u can always say that around that age u remember it happening to other kids alot or something. that way u can avoid getting your friend into trouble and all that stuff... but i would talk to her and make sure she understands that such behaviour is bad, and can really hurt someones feelings! best of luck to you!

That is a tough one. I would just have a general disscussion with her about when you were her age. Maybe mention that you know that the pressure to snub and bully other children can be tough to resist. Let her know that it is not okay to do these things and that if she ever needs help you are there for her.

A really sensitive topic i agree, just tell her casually that at this age there would be some cruel kids who pick on kids who don't fit in. and make her feel like it is the worst to do for a small child, without mentioning that she did. she would get a guilty consciousness and hopefully she would stop doing it.

I would definitely approach your daughter. You can just tell her that you know and leave it at that? She doesn't have to know how you found out...I think that she needs to know that you are aware of the situation. I guess it is up to you to provide the appropriate punishment in this case. You also may want to talk to the principal and find out what is going on? I am wondering why you weren't contacted about this matter?

i would just have a talk with her out bulling and teasing in general without telling you know of anything. and what ever you do please dont add insult to injury by telling the child goes to counceling. if that gets out the child will deffinently be teased.the fact that you care enough to try and stop it is good. just keep at it.

I think I would do like so many others have suggested I would casully bring up the girl and and other friends. I would even talk about how everybody is getting along. You could even say something like I saw a news show today about bullies and I thought maybe we should talk about. I would also sit down and talk with your friend, I know she was trying to be helpful to you but it also put you in a bad spot.

You realy need to confront your daughter and it is possible to do so without giving her the information on where you got knowledge of her actions just tell her you were made aware of it !Bullying is a real problem in our schools today and it is up to parents to confront it before change can be made .we all tend to think "not my kid"but the fact is it is someones kid that is doing it!

That was aweful indeed. I bet your bestfriend did what she thought was reasonable. Know the people your daughter always hangs out with. Peer pressure is very high on this stage.

Sticks and stones may break no bones, but words sure can scar people for life. Children of your child's age hardly intend to be mean, but end up unintentionally picking on a weaker person. However, the bright side of things is that they can be made to realize very easily that they can cause hurt to others if they are not very careful. Tell them that bullying kids in any way is bad and encouraging it is bad too. Back when I was in school, a teacher was in the habit of assigning nicknames to students. She thought it to be fun, but realized her mistake when the other children began teasing a boy very badly on account of his new nickname. The teacher realized her mistake and rectified the situation and I don't think she ever did that to any other kid, ever again. You see, not just kids, adults can make mistakes too, often unintended. Don't treat your kid like criminal, but take her into confidence and get her to stop bullying the kid and also tell her to try and stop others from picking on her too.