Loving your children
By sandgroper1
@sandgroper1 (629)
Australia
February 21, 2007 9:03pm CST
I have a situation with my son where i dont particularly like him as a person. He reminds me and looks like his father and between the 2 of them have caused me alot of pain and stress and depression. Hes also not a easy person to like or be around and because of his personality he has no friends and is mostly quite nasty and a bully . He was always a naughty/nasty child and was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and what ever other labels that they put on him. He spent 9 months in a behavior management facility which was fine until he came home again. Dont get me wrong i do love him as he is my child, but not like my girls, i still look after him and do the right thing by him. I hope as he get older that all of these feeling will change for the better as i feel terribly guilty about how i feel but i dont know how to change it as we cant change him. Has this ever happened to you and any sugestions in dealing with this would be great.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@_hope_ (3902)
• Australia
22 Feb 07
i know exactly where you are coming from .The same thing happened to me with one of my five children .She two was diagnosedwith ADHD and my life has been hell because of her andi can honestly say i do not love her at all.I feel for her but it`s not love by any means. The fact that oneof my children actually left home because of her and her behaviour has made me feel worse because of her.It`s not because i haven`t tried i have fort nail and tooth to get some help from her school doctors and psychologist all the time i have been let down i am now just waiting for the day when she leaves home and i`m hoping she will never come back i have had enough
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
22 Feb 07
OMG how in the world can you not love a child you brought into this world? do you think this child chose to have this disorder? do you honestly believe this child wants to be this way?
you are a sad excuse for a parent to feel this way, maby your life has been hell but what about there life dont you think they are going thru hell as well you should be supporting this child not waiting for the day there out of your life,children are a gift from god, and everything happens for a reason, i can see why you got such a child , and u failed the test i hope you can live with yourself!! and yes i speak from experience as i have a child like that as well but i would never say i didnt love that child or couldnt wait till they were gone.
@sandgroper1 (629)
• Australia
22 Feb 07
hello Hope, i know exactly how you feel my son drove my eldest daughter out of home when she was 16 and they still dont get on. It is so hard dealing with these kids as there is no miracle cure or help available. at age 3 my son got kicked out of child care as they couldnt deal with him. Hellloooo neither can his mother thats why hes in child care. Worse still is the constant unwanted attention for other people in shopping centre , school was the worst. Id go to pick him up and would go to talk to other mums and they'd say who is your child ? ooohhhhh your DANIELS mum. it has been a constant struggle and none of my friends could handle him or liked him so no babysitting of that child. No of my friends have kids like him and both of my girls are normal kids (they arnt like him.) how old is your daughter now, my son is 17 and has settled alot to what he was but he still has days where i could quite cheerfully strangle him. Please take no notice of what other people say coz until they walk a mile in your shoes they have no idea, if you want someone to talk to im here, i dont know if the feeling will ever go but the behavior will settle, big hugs and keep your chin up.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3902)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
MISS BRIAN unless you have lived in my shoes you have no idea what i have gone through and as for a child not wanting to be here well maybe she doesn`t but god gave her to us to learn and that i have .That no matter how much heart ache one child can produce it`s not as near as much pain an adult who adds a comment like yours to a situation you know nothing about .My psychologist told me that no where it is written that we have to love a child .i care for her and profide for all her needs but the love is long since gone
@astromama (1221)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I'm sorry this is your situation...
Unlike other people that may judge you for your true feeling, I do not. In fact, I admire you for admitting that you don't really like your son, as he is not a likable person. The important thing is that you love him. I do not have children yet, but soon, and I remember time and time again my own mom saying, 'sometimes you don't like your kids, they make you mad and tick you off.. but even if I don't like you, know I still love you.'
Another friend of mine said to me not to make up my mind so quickly about what is the 'right' and 'wrong' way to parent because, 'Honey, sometimes you're dealt a certain kind of kid'. I agree with him... children are the cards we're dealt, and we don't always get three of a kind, or even a good hand. Your son's personality was in place the moment sperm met egg, so please don't blame yourself for how he turned out... I don't know if you believe in karma or soul evolution, but everyone is on their own path and he may be carrying some old issues around with him.
Unfortunately, I have no good advice for you. Please don't blame yourself, and hang in there... maybe he WILL grow out of it *keep in mind he's still a teenager* and remember that boys typically take a bit longer to mature. Just hug him, love him, don't take his crap, and try not to let your feelings for his father cloud the way you see him. He is a seperate person, and (again, I don't know your situation) may be dealing with his own father issues.
Much luck to you!
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
22 Feb 07
wow you sure have your plate full and i wish you all the best,usually when a person is being nasty or a bully it is because they are unhappy and it is there way of lashing out to get attention and they really dont know how else to get the attention they want, you dont mention his age children with add often have a very ruff time as they are usually the ones who are picked at in school because they are not as smart as the others which leads to anger,my daughter had that problem focusing on there good points will help some, is he on any medication? you have to encourage him all the way and praise him for his good things daily!! may god bless you and yours
@salman149 (149)
• France
22 Feb 07
nope b/coz i have no children but i love children with smile on thier face
beautiful
