When Death is at the Door...

We all have to go through this at some time or other, but I found that when I was in that situation, I found some inner strength which helped me cope. You just have to remain strong for that person and try to keep her spirits up if possible. I found that talking about the past helped tremendously, because it makes them think about something else, and they can re-live happy times. They don't always want to talk about their illness and how bad it is, so talk about positive things. If you can make her smile you know you've got through to her. You have to be strong for her and the family, you can do it.

It is hard when a dear loved one passes away or is going to pass away...I would suggest enjoying the time you have together, make every moment rememberable..Stay happy and keep things lively..Just so you can add so many more good memories to keep you going when they pass..I'm so sorry your going through all this and i hope and pray you can spend the last moments in peace and happiness with her..

I know how you are feeling.I have a dear friend who has cancer too.It is heartbreaking to watch her lose weight due to chemo.All you can do is be with your loved one and be supportive.Have special outings together and make memories that you can keep with you after their passing.My friend has a very positive attitude and tells everyone that she will be around for another twenty years.We all know this is probably not true but this is how she copes with her illness.She has all her affairs in order such as life insurance,what will happen to her house and her sons etc.It is hard to cope but you have to remain positive for her sake,if you lose hope so will she.I send you a huge hug as I am in the same heartbreaking position you are in.

This is the hardest thing because of the finality of the situation. I know from experience too exactly what it's like and nothing about the situation is easy and no amount of words can take away the pain and anguish that you feel. You have to deal with the situation in the best possible way that you can, you do what is right at any given moment in time. I think that you have to try and take away the focus on the dying part of the situation - i know it's there and can't be changed, but try as hard as you can to focus on what is good, make the time you have memorable and as enjoyable as possible. Again, I know that's not easy but you will be glad you did it, even if it's something as simple as sharing a few moments each day remembering certain things something, anything that brings a smile or a happy thought is good for everyone. It doesn't mean you are forgetting or blocking out the difficulty, or not acknowledging the situation, it just means you are spreading the pain and grief. Think of things in a slightly different way, it's easy for me to say, but none of us ever knows what each day is going to hold, what is around the corner, what fate awaits us, so few of us live each day to the full because we think there will always be another one to follow. It is only when you are faced with tragic circumstances that the real importance of life and what we cherish is laid bare. If you are having difficulty yourself, with sleep particularly, you could try visiting a pharmacy and getting some herbal or over the counter help, if that doesn't work or you are taking other medication, then visit your GP. Have people around you that share your grief, again it doesnt' make it easier, and to be fair, nor should it, because we feel the pain and are compassionate for those we love, but by being able to share your thoughts and anxieties, your difficulties with other people will help because you know they know how you feel and you know the advice and support you give one another is genuine.

Make her happy. Let her take away a beautiful memory. That's the best you can do for her.