why does a girl not love their in-laws as they love there parents

I must be an exception to the rule; I get on very well with my mother in law, but then my own mum lives over 6 hours away from me while my mother in law is only 5 minutes away. I am married to her oldest son, and since we are her only family living that close, we seem to be the ones called upon when needed.

The answer lies in one similar question, "Why does a boy don't love his in-laws in the same way as he loves his parennts ?" In most cases it's the girl, who has to make adjustments about home and family. A girl knows from childhood, that her home, and family will never be the same after her marriage, and yet she will have to dedicate her entire life for them. But, a boy never needs such a mental preparation, that he will have to live and adjust with a new family and home, throughout his life. The adjustment at the boy's part is just that, he has a new extra member in family after marriage, i.e his wife. And the visits he pays to his in-laws are just occassional, or in some cases they may be regular also, but not a full-timer one. Now, is this not enough for the girl, that she manages everything with least fusses ? Whereas the boys need not bother also about adjusting with new people, place, or relations. I think this contribution from a girl, as pertaining to our social rules and traditions, is more than enough, and should be respected without a fuss. No more mean questions like this should not be put forward. Also I disagree that, every girl has problems with in-laws. There are many, who loves their in-laws like they their own parents.

An excellent discussion to be started.Congratualtions to you for starting this discussion.I think the primary reason being that the girl is brough up under different culture than her husband's hosue so there is some adjustment problem.

It is the same for my faince and i, i absolutely adore my parents and in my eyes they are number 1, but my fiance adores his parents and in his eyes they are number 1 and can do no wrong. I get along with my inlaws, sometimes they do things that annoy me or say things that i dont like but i do like them, but to be completely honest i could never honestly see her as my "mum" just because she isnt and they do things so differently, example my mum doesnt have favourites where as my mil does have favourites and i think this is totally uncalled for when it comes to grandchildren! My fiance gets along with my dad really well but not so much with my mum, and well i find it very hard to talk to my mother inlaw because i feel she is always judging me!

I cannot answer this question. Because I actually do love my in-laws. My mother in-law and father in-law are such great persons. I am totally relaxed with them and the have made me feel like home with them from day one. I have such a great time with them, and we go on a lot of vacations with them and we NEVER have any problems.

This is a really old saying but it seems to be true: A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for all her life. I know that in almost every marriage I have ever seen, including my own, once the couple marries, they tend to spend more time with the wife's family than with the husband's family. Maybe it is because daughter's are so close to their mothers or something. Maybe it is because daughters tend to live in the same towns as their parents. I know that a lot of couples meet in college and most of the time, the women go back to their home towns while the men either stay in the college town or move to where the girl is from. In my case, I love my mother-in-law, but where I might go visit her once a week, I see my mother almost every day. My husband and I live 2 miles from my mother but 15 miles from his mother. I guess men just kind of go with the flow and it's easier to spend time with the wife's family. I have made the effort to always invite his mother to my mother's house for the hoilidays but she usually goes to the home of her other son. We try to include everyone for gatherings but it's hard sometimes. We are lucky in that my family has always done New Year's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day Lunch. My husbands family has always done Easter Dinner, Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Eve Dinner and Christmas Day Dinner. So we are able to celebrate at both houses. We actually have 3 celebrations for everything. Since we host Easter Breakfast before church, Christmas Eve Cookie Exchange at lunch time, Christmas Breakfast before opening presents at our house, Day After Thanksgiving Tamale Making Party (gotta use that leftover turkey up), and New Years Eve Dinner. My kid is going to grow up thinking that all you ever do for the holidays is eat at everyone's house all day long. :)

parents are always parents. and in-laws are always in-laws too. it depends on the in-laws to make the new girl in home to make her feel like her own home.

You may be aware of an old saying, "A son is a son till he gets his wife, a daughter is a daughter through out life!" So the role of a son as viewed by his parents at this time in our society is a man of separate family identity after his marriage in most of the cases. But since daughters part from parents after marriage, an immotional level of mind sets up in parents for her. This she doesn't find at her in-laws' house, so also the new bride doesn't find the same at her in-laws' house in most cases! This makes the difference in the level of love and caring for her parents and in-laws. Not in all cases, but in most cases. Thanks.

I don't know but guys can easily attach to our parents and what not but it is so hard for us to attach ourselves. I think its b/c we don't want our parents to feel like we are seeing someone else as parents as well. i don't know though. but it is a real problem though. because my hubby ask me that daily. Why don't you call my mom,MOm for like I call yours and all I say is that it just doesn't feel right

Well sometimes it happens because of beliefs and the way you have been raised... Sometimes we find it hard to adjust on the way they believe. We were raised in different manners. For example, they believe that its no good to talk while you're having dinner... but you were raised in a family who share stories during dinner..., or in your house its just fine laughing so hard... but your inlaws sees it a little inappropriate to a decent girl... Simple it may seem... but situations like this buildup a little conflict between parties. And you just cant simply tell it to them unlike with your parents.

You have to remember mothers never think any girl is good enough for their little boy. An mothers think they know exactly what their sons like so they try to tell the daughters in-law how to cook, how to wash clothes, etc. Not all mother-in-laws are like that but most are. As far as believing a wife over his parents, a husband vowels to take no one above his wife when he gets married. Please remember, a mother-in-law is a very intimidating person. A mother-in-law is the only one who take the intimidation away by laughing with the daughter in law.

It's not that we girls don't LIKE our in laws. though in some cases that's true. It's sometimes that the in laws make it difficult to BE liked. My partners' mother HATED me with a passion. We still don't know why, and she did everything in her power to split us up. The arguments between her and her son got so bad that one day during a furious argument, she kicked him out. Then she attempted to have him move back in leaving me with nowhere to go. It was her attempt to make him choose between me and her and it failed miserably, because he said he wasn't going home unless I was welcome too. As it happens, we did eventually move back in for a couple of months. When we did, myself and his mother came to an unspoken agreement that we were going to have to learn to get along. As time went by things got better and now we're good friends. I wouldn't say we get on great, but there's a mutual understanding between us and we talk and get on well enough. Maybe it helps that we live right the way across the country lol.

I believe that you can't love your in-laws like your parents because, for one thing, you grew up with YOUR parents, not your spouses. That bond just isn't there. Like most loves, it has to gow and flourish over time. Spend more time with them. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. Time changes things.

tat depends upon person to person... if a guy keeps a gud hold on the thoughts of her wife regarding her view points bout his parents..den hings can go the guys way .i.e. the gal 'll start respecting his parents in law definitely....

well i dont agree to that!!! Why did you sy that.... not all ppl are equal.... and it is not written somewhere that the newly wed- girls have not to have good or healthy reltions wth their in laws..... so many times, one dont even tune in with one's own mother..... and some other times, a person may tune in well with an unknown stranger too in a couple of hours.... I believe it is the game of one's behavious.... that how do you behave.... how do you want to behave,.... it is rightly said that in a quarrel of two, if one back off, who the other one wilol fight it,,, and so wiol the fight come to an end,,, a happy conclusion may be drawn later, when things become calm...

I don't think that it's the wife's problem that much, i feel that it's a problem for the inlaws. I have been in these problem twice and for along time i thought it was me. but come to find out it was the inlaws. and they just don't think that anyone is good enough for their sons.

your inlaws are gay

Actually, if you are daughter-in-law of the a woman who hates your guts, you wouldn't really be asking why a woman cannot love her mother-in-law like her real mom. Now, don't get me wrong, I get along well with my in-laws but if you ask me if I love them like I love my own parents, that is just not possible. My Mom carried me in her womb for 9 months, took care of me, feed me, clothe me, sent me to school etc. etc. It would be sacriledge if I love another woman as much as I love her. Why the husband would believe his wife more than his mother? First, he married her and pledge his allegiance to her. When he married her, she becomes his primary responsibility. If you believe in the sanctity of marriage, you would understand why the man becomes one with the woman. Second, if he does not believe in her, then he better divorce her than live in suspicion for the resot of his life.

Mother-in-laws (Even parents of boyfriends) size you up, don't like the way you do things and you can tell when they think something you do is inadequate even if they have the decency to not insult you. It's not a personal vendetta or anything. Many mothers seem to think their sons deserve way better than um... anything... Father in laws... I never hear anybody complaining about those...

Actually, I think I get along with my in-laws more than I get along with my own parents. They have been more involved in my life in the last year and half that I've known them then my own parents have been. My in-laws have helped me when I've needed it, they've accepted me when they didn't have to, they are just wonderful people. My own parents haven't even met my husband yet and haven't seen there first granddaughter. They say they want to but haven't made the effert.