My Ex and Our Kids - Just a Vent Looking For Validation

I think you have every right to be upset. I really get upset when I see fathers making a big deal and protesting watching their own children. Hello! These children were made by two people not one. Why should you have to have a babysitter at all if he isn't working?

I have been divorced once too and know several that have been also. Your feelings of not being able to accept this relationship are valid and you know what you can stand and can't live with. I went back so many times I don't know how many "for the kids". You sound like you are the strong one and that you know what is right for you and your kids. My finally leaving made my ex come to terms with some of his short commings and did grow up some. (still wouldn't have anything to do with him) I did meet a great man and have been with him for 23 years. Good luck for you and your family

No you have every right to be angry as they are his Kids to, so what is the big Deal here? And he also sounds like my Ex Husband who just would not accept the fact that after 21 years of mental abuse I would not go back to him. I was lucky as my Children where 14 and 17 old enough to know, when he tried to tell me that he would take the Kids, even though he was not interrested before, his social Life always came first. The Kids told him not to bother (specially my Son) What your Ex is trying to do is being awkward about this, as he thinks you might take him back cause if he lives there and he is not working, then you don't need a Sitter, do you. So you have every right to be angry with him for being this way. Believe me I know what you are going through. Stand your Ground.

Let me get this right-- He's not working- you are-- He hasn't been in over a year-- He is not supporting the children- HIS children because he is not working- You are paying a sitter to watch the kids- The kids want to spend time with him- He is NOT working.. Heck yes- You have every right to be mad! I hope you have filed for custody and child support-- even though he isn't working0 when he does go back to work they can get $$ then. What a low life JERK! A true deadbeat dad- Thank goodness the kids have a great compassuionate mom like you- Be careful when driving-- I hope that someday you find the Man of your dreams! One who will be a Great dad to your kids.

oh i can totally relate to at least most of this! my ex also lives with the dellusion that we will get back together (we have been separated for almost 3 years now). ok another quick thing.. you said that if he is mad at you he spends less time with the kids! this is a huge red flag hon!! u should not let him have that power over you. i understand u want him to spend time with the kids but if you have to put on a pretty face and pretend that all is well and be nice to him (even when he doesnt deserve it) thats not fair to you or your children! i dont want to tell u what to do, just think you may want to rethink some things when it comes to your ex! anyways to the whole point of this.. i think you had every right to be angry with your ex for being such a jerk about watching the kids tomorrow! we also got hit by that major snow storm (and are currently snowed in) and driving on those horrible county roads is not a good idea! and then add the fact that your job is the sole support for your children and just plain shame on him! ahh all mommies have to get crabby from time to time! lol u just hang in there ok! HUGS

I sooo understand - not only about him wanting to get back with you,and you not wanting anything to do with him, but about the dilema with the kids. My ex wanted to reconcile 6 months after the D was final, but hadn't done anything to change the reasons I kicked him out in the first place. If your is truly an abusive personality, and at this point, even loosing you and the kids hasn't gotten him to change - nothing will, probably...sorry! When I finally came to that conclusion, I began to really move on with my life. As to the kids, he should absolutely help take care of them, but I also totally understand you not wanting to depend on him on a regular basis. Trust me, the kids will really be OK. If YOU are more OK not being with their Dad, they will be all right. As I've told my younger ones, who don't really understand, sometimes, Mommies and Daddies can be better Mommies and Daddies if they don't live together. They's figure it all out by the time they are 11 or 12, especially if he continues the abusive juvinile behavior. Hang in there! You're doing the right thing!

The post wasn't boring, no worries. I think that yes, you have every right to get fumed over this because he is the father who isn't working, yet makes a big deal about taking care of your children (he should want to)...seems odd. It should actually be expected that he look after the kids considering you're bringing in all the money, he should be begging to see them more often.

You have every right to be angry, He is the father of these kids and he should be doing everything possible to help you out, Its so sad that now he is being nasty and getting back at you though the kids, you can tell he isnt very mature to make his kids pay for you not wanting to be with him! Have you tried speaking to him explaining to him that since your the only one working you really do have to so you can feed your children and continue to put a roof over there heads, I know thats easier said then done some men have a way of only hearing what they want to hear and then the parts they do hear they twist it around to make it sound like you said some horrible terrible nasty thing when you didnt at all!

It makes sense to me. If he cannot work and support his family, he should at least make it easier for you to do so. But I know he doesn't. If nothing else it would also ease your expenses when working.

Oh well, all I can say is this, you have every right to be angry. You have too many responsabilities, and as your espouse he should be there for you.

havent you both heard of planning a family ,with only you working having kids like a xerox machine does put the burden on you as your primary duty is shifted from caring for the kids to earning for the family,you seem to love your husband to let him get close to you,he needs to shoulder his responsibility as a father,look after the kids and help with the household chores,or it amounts to just feeding an additional adult kid

Whew, girl! I feel your pain! But in answer to your question, I say no you are not over reacting and have every right to express your disgust! For one thing HE is the Father and taking care of them is 1/2 his responsibility. For two he's not doing you a favor, cause that's what responsible people do, they provide for their family, in all ways, especially if one is hindered financially! It just kills me how some men think that it is just normal and right that all the care taking is up to the woman, especially in today's work/economic structure requiring both parents to work!!! I'm sorry I do not belong to that group of women who have 'S' on their chest, doing everything. In reality all parents need a network of dependable people to help manage a household. You can not do this successfully without one, a fact that some men seem to take for granted! I myself am currently on the next to get divorced list, but when my husband and I were together and he too was not working....this fool says to me that I need to make other arrangements for our child during the day, cause he's not a babysitter!!!!UUUUUgggghhhh!!!! I gave him what fore on no uncertain terms, basically told him that I he can't take care of his child that what was he good for? Needless to say I am so thankful we have gone our separate ways, but this joker thinks that just paying support makes him a father!!! So as long as you spoke your peace and let it be know that you are no longer going to put up with a half job fathering from him, I say too that let it go....no sense in allowing your joy to be compromised by his inability to grow up.

You have every right to be angry at him. He really does sound like a jerk - especially if he hasn't worked in over a year. How is he going to be able to help support those babies? I'm sorry that life is so tough for you right now. But always remember that everything you do is for your babies. You're not tied to your husband anymore and you don't have to take his egotistical attitude. I don't think you're being overly dramatic at all. Naturally you're worried about being able to support your kids and bring them up - your husband shouldn't have made such a huge issue of looking after them - especially since you consider he had a hand in producing them I think it might be an idea to maybe sit and have a chat with him though. Maybe you can come to some sort of agreement. You may need to stress that you aren't interested in having a relationship with him anymore and you need to keep stressing this till he understands that. Then see if he would be willing to come to some sort of agreement where he sees the kids on a more regular basis and maybe saves you a little bit of money with the child minder. I hope that you can sort this out in a positive manner.

I say right on,my mother used to say "Don't let fear and common sense stand in your way" and your not so good on you.I know what the struggles are like from the child's perspective because my mother had to constantly battle with my father.Keep on keep'in on girl,you can do it...Your a fighter I can tell.

The thought of your husband and you fighting about things that are so trivial compared to the well-being of your small children is disheartening. Do you have the right to be angry, of course you do but don't sin in your anger. Do you have the right to demand some help from him, of course you do, they are his children and responsibility too. I hope and pray that whatever has gotten between the two of you will be forgotten and forgiven starting with you. I don't know the situation nor do I claim to have some great knowledge about your circumstance, But one thing that I do know is this: Love covers a multitude of sin and it never fails, it bears all things and does not keep a record of wrongs suffered. Use your anger to help the situation and repair the failing relationship for the sake of your kids and yourself. Put the energy that causes you to become angry not for lashing out but rather for forgivness and reconciliation. He might not be the best man to walk the face of the earth, but God brought the two of you together for a reason. I will pray that God is victoriuos in your life and the lives of your husband and your children.

You don't need permission to be angry with him over this. Instead of yelling at him, just say, "Thank you for agreeing to help take care of your children so I can continue to work and be their sole support." And then leave. When you get angry with him it gives him what he wants. If he is emotionally abusive, how much good does it do your children to be with him? I know he is their father and all, but still.

Yes you have the right to get upset but you are 100% mom. You unlike alot of others in the world want your kids to have it all. You want them to have a good life without abuses,you want them to still have a active father that plays some sort of a roll. You are willing to support your kids by working.I know exactly want you mean by not wanting to make the father mad.It's not or has nothing to do with you in your mind. Your worries remain souly with your kids interest and you are right to have these worries..It does effect a child when the dads stop coming to see them or stops calling.It is best to always talk good about him around them no matter what your feels are. Once they grow up and become young adults they will see for themself how much of a saint you were while they was growing up. They will turn on him for what they see and the stories others tell them. Somethings you will have to put your foot down about, like not getting back together.When it comes to the kids try to work something out so he will continue to be there no matter if it is only once a month.I put in 10 hours a week working with depressed kids. 7 out of 10 are depressed because they say "my mom runs her mouth and my dad stops coming to see me everytime".These kids they hate everyone,mom,dad,including themself..A few of them are so happy playing ball,video games, then one day something happens to make that angry come out.Then these have stopped playing sports,they stop being that happy child you once known.I know it is going to be hard, I was once there myself.I thank god that I had worked as a after school credit with these kids before my marriage fell apart.I would have been one of those women who jumped him everytime i seen him. I would not have done it when he came to pick up or drop off the child,like I have seen my friends do.I also worked and supported my child, my house, my bills, my car with insurance.He came to take my son out on the weekends,he bought him clothes,games,took him to a movie and out to eat.If he needed anything I would write it down and hand it to him with a total.He paid half and I paid half.It's like alot of women like to say it took two of us to make the child. He nor did I put in more than the other one, it was equal.He should help you more maybe if he goes to jail (on vacation to the kids)he will miss them so bad he will want to take them more....GOOD LUCK !!!! ALL I KNOW IS YOU ARE A BLESSING TO MOTHERHOOD TODAY. A HONEST LOVING MOTHER WHO PUTS HER KIDS FEELINGS AND NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN.

wow reading that makes me feel as if im sorta looking in the mirror. my ex and i have two kids together and have been broke up for a little over two years now and im married but he still ponders the thought of us getting back together. he was also very emotional and verbally abusive towards me and the kids. i cant say that you are overly dramatic because im the same way. they do little things to push us in hopes that they will get another chance but in my situation he has no chance (people in hell have a better chance of getting ice water then he does in getting me back lol)

You have every right to be upset. With him not working he should be willing to help you out more. You have to work and you need him to take care of the children. I hate when the dad says why do I have to babysit them. Hello you are not babysitting. They are your children. It is your responsibility to take care of them too. I hope he soon realizes that his children need to have their father be a part of their lives. Even if you aren't together he can still see them more and help out.

You know (sigh!) some people just don't read these posts properley, do they Mrs Anderson!!! Anyway, rather than being abusive and attacking your optimism of marrying who u thought was a lovely man, having children and then it all going wrong (like some people have on this post!) I just want to ask one question... if you are taking care of the kids and supporting his side of the child care; who's looking after you hun? It's always left up to us? They either decide they don't like the responsibility of being 'commited' and leave or cheat or, if you decide the relationship isn't working they act like kids... and who gets left holding the 'baby'? Us.... are u wrong for being so angry; damn right you're not, it makes me livid!!! Hug Hug XX