Loving and Losing
By archiebee
@archiebee (5)
Philippines
February 26, 2007 6:38am CST
A person very dear to me is going through a rough time with his marriage. He's been married for almost 20 years but lately, it seems that they've hit the bottom. The love and respect just seemed to vanish in thin air. And being together for 20 years makes it impossible to think of starting a new life separately. And worse, there are four wonderful kids who are in the middle.
I've seen the kids show a brave front but deep inside, I can feel they are hurting. I see them cry silently. What can I do? Being their aunt, I am doubly hurt. I'm hurting for their parents, much more, for my nephew and nieces. Can anyone tell me how I can be a light for their parents and a source of strength for the kids. The situation is wearing me off. I feel more stressed being in the middle. I love them all. But what if the marriage can be saved? How can all of us cope with this?
4 responses
@Lirio29 (24)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
Well as this situation only depends on the couple involve, all you can do is just give your love and support to your nephew and nieces, make them feel loved, that whatever their parents is going through, its not their fault and there still people around them (like you) that can give them love.
Also as for the couple try to give them your unsolicited advise (if it is)tell them to re-invent on their relationship, 20 years is so long, enough to make one person fed up with another person's personality or perhaps routine. Tell them to try to start dating each other again, try new things they haven't done for the past 20 years of their married life. Try to voluntere to babysit the kids and ask the couple to go for a few days of vacation, just the two of them.
@archiebee (5)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
Thanks for your advise. Every word is worth emulating. More power.
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
26 Feb 07
SAD AS IT IS SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST SOMETIMES FALL APART i was married for 30 years before i finally decided i have to make myself happy first, i do no one any good in an unhappy relationship, the kids are always stuck in the middle, i think they should try consoling as a whole family, and i understand u want to help but be carefull because sometimes u can get so into there problems that one of them may shift the blame to you , i hope they can work it out.
@archiebee (5)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
That is the exact reason why I feel helpless in my case. I cannot simply advise the parents to work it out and think of their kids because I could not deny the fact that they might have grown apart already. And though the kids are stuck in the middle, I believe it would not be wise too to subject them in an environment where there are unhappy people because it will definitely affect too the way they will deal with their lives and the kids. Thanks for your advise.
@nijawife (43)
• Nigeria
26 Feb 07
Have they see a counsellor?20 years is a lot of time to be wasted like that,too many things are already involed.I pray there is a way round it.
@archiebee (5)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
No, no counselor yet. It really is a lot of time and a nice family to be wasted just like that. I need all the prayers to help us and guide us in coming up with the best decision to this situation. Thanks.
@Edricj (98)
• Nigeria
26 Feb 07
The kids should play a part in this, so also you. I always believe that breakups are products of immaturity. In a mature relationship understanding and commitment play the paramount role. Let the couple get to know this. I believe it will help.
@archiebee (5)
• Philippines
26 Feb 07
I certainly agree with you that peace and harmony in a family all boils down to maturity, understanding and commitment. But most of the time, it is easier said than done. Thanks for your comment.
