Making others look bad, for your own benefit

Oh yes, I've known a number of people like this. I call them "smokescreen people" because they are always throwing up a smokescreen of criticism to keep people from noticing their own flaws. I've gotten to the point where I just stay away from judgemental people in general because so many of them are poisonous and there is never any constructive point.

I have to admit, shamedfacedly, that sometimes I have done this. When I have, it is a need to feel powerful, I think. And no, people cutting me out of their lives just makes me mad and I don't get over it easy. Better things have been when people gently say how it made them feel. That, I can hear.

I see this daily! at work and in my personal life. I believe alot of it is insecurity... Not having enough self-esteem in themselves that they have to make another person look bad. At work I see it when certain workers don't carry their own weight- Or if someone sees a problem and then figures out how to fix it-- Someone else will put them down.. I think they do this to not look bad- I say Give credit where it is due. I'm not a jealous person- I have great self-esteem, and I carry my own at work- so I say Bravo for the person who did something right- I don't put them down.

I have worked with people like this. You do all the work, and somehow they get the glory for it. I think they crave attention and praise for a multitude of reasons. One being, as you mentioned, insecurity. They don't feel good about themselves, but if they can put someone else down a bit, they feel a little better. Come to think of it, my mother is a bit like this. She is very negative. Never has anything good to say about anyone or anything. I think the only time she is happy is when she is miserable and bringing others down with her. In her instance, it is definately a need to control. If she can make someone look or feel bad, then she has garnered a bit of control over them. Interesting topic. :)

I know a number of people like that. People who come running up to you to say mean things. How sadistic of them. What motivates them? I really don't know. I'd say that it's fear. Fear of being not good enough. They have to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. Or maybe, maybe they just enjoy it. Sick @#!$$1!@#!

Sounds like you are describing the Bully. You think when you leave school, the bully phase is over. At least when you leave school you have a better chance of getting away from them. Yet they still rear their heads in the workplace. I was subject to bullies at school big time. It was so emotionally painful and scarring. Thankfully when I left school, it was like getting out of jail, or away from the fellow inmates and those that ruled the lock-up. During my career I didn't have a problem with them, I seemed to be in an arena where I was shining. But later in life I changed what I was doing and seemed to end up with a similar scenario. Meaning I was in front of people wanting to cut me down again! I'm a pretty strong person so I had to look at my part in this play. Firstly I was very easily knocked. I remember a big moment when I realized that humans could be just like the animal kingdom - it was a dog eat dog world. I was seriously in denial that humans literally clawed their way to the top and will do anything to be made to feel more special than the next monkey in the tree of life. It hurt me like hell to understand this. Nobody pointed it out. I felt so stupid not knowing this rule to the game of life. Secondly, strong people tend to draw to themselves, other strong people who can be a threat. So how to overcome. I had to learn to be as strong as they were (otherwise I would not survive). But I also made sure I didn't play at their level. Don't get pulled into their game, it's what feeds them. Strive to be your absolute best. Do it with integrity. And don't play in the mud.

I know these kind of people, and believe me, I stay away from. These people are the ones who think that they are the only one's who have the right to live in this planet, they only care for themselves because they are blinded by their earthly possessions. They take too much pride on their names, who they think they are always the one's who have something right to say. Yes they are insecure persons, to which I pity them. I think they are only using this site because they don't have any 'real' friends to share their life upon. Sad..

I know people like that. They try to be so laddy-daddy and make them seem so great because they have all of this money and can afford a heck of a lot more than the rest of us. They're always talking about the yatch club, and always go on and on and on about themselves. It's pathetic. I think it's do to insecurity and the need to control. What I do, is when he starts yappin' about himself, I leave the room and talk to someone else. I've tried everything else, and it didn't work, so I stick with this, since it works.

Sadly, this person is my eldest brother. I'm the youngest of three children - two elder brothers and then me. It was never really an issue when we were children other than brother number 1 being slightly domineering and always playing the 'I'm the eldest' trump card. I got on OK with my brothers as we grew up, not exactly the very best of friends but we didn't really disagree to any great extent on anything. My brothers both worked for our fathers business, there was never an opening for me and I worked outside the family gaining some quite interesting jobs in magazine publishing. During the early 1990's my father asked me to join the company to help steer an ailing department through the recession - always loving a challenge I left my cushy job and joined the family business - herein my problems started. Eldest brother hated me being there and, I know now but didn't at the time, went out of his way to make my working life difficult (and my family life too since I worked with my family) by lying about my work to our parents (the bosses), giving me impossible deadlines which would entail me having to work all night and at weekends, criticising everything I did and regularly taking the praise for anything good that happened. Eventually I managed, with no help from my brother, to turn my department into a roaring success - he then somehow managed to get our father to appoint him director over and above me in my own department. To say I was hurt was an understatement. This situation went on for over 15 years until (2 years ago) I left unable to take the stress and strain of swimming against the tide, it was making me ill and my relationship with my parents had naturally suffered also. I am now self-employed and much happier - I don't bear grudges it's pointless but our relationship (what little we had of one) is superficial and meaningless - I think it's a huge shame that instead of being threatened by his little sister he couldn't have nurtured and embraced me and together we could have been a force to be reckoned with. It's also a shame that my father allowed his son to hoodwink him into believing all his lies. Ah well - ce la vie - onwards and upwards!

What motivates them? You're correct... insecurity & low self esteem. I have known so many people like this and my reaction is to 1/2 pity them and 1/2 get angry at them. I had a situation come up like this recently with the wife of a musician friend. She was this type of person. We were all out partying one night and (the first time I met her) and she was tearing down everyone on the dance floor. Making fun of the way they danced, making fun of their clothes, and finally she commented on how disgusting and perverted it was that a girl had a tattoo and she should be horsewhipped for mutilating herself like that. Well that was the final straw for me and I proceeded to pull down the collar of my shirt and showed her my tattoos. She turned several shades of red and had nothing to say when I asked her if she'd like a horsewhip. She didn't speak to me for about an hour but I sat there next her just beaming with delight at putting her in her place. After that she tried desperately to be my "buddy". I was pleasant and civil to her but with a few well chosen words and looks I told her that if she was going to sit at my table she'd need to keep her opinions to herself. That was a good night.... :D