Child looked up S.E.X on the internet!!
By TriciaW
@TriciaW (2441)
United States
February 27, 2007 5:32pm CST
I was horrified my 14 year old daughter looked it up in a search on the internet. I have XP and each has their own account. She must not have believed me that I check what they are doing online. I had gone to bed and she was still awake then the next morning I got up and did my check to see who was doing what and found that in the history. She was woken up and I tried to remain calm. I told her I saw what she was searching for last night. She is now grounded from the computer including I took her whole account off which she has never had done to her before. She told me she got bored and had been doing different searches and she was sorry and it would never happen again. She is also doing a number of extra chores. She again today told me she was so sorry she did that. I responded I know you are but you have to learn that when you do something wrong you will be punished. I told her that sorry doesn't take away the fact that she broke my trust of her. She said she knows and she will earn back my trust again. I told her I was sure she would but that she had to understand it will take time. Should I be doing more or did I do too much? I know some people have the issue of getting into children's private information but when it comes to the computer I feel as a parent I have to know where they are and what they are doing so my child isn't one of those that gets in a chat with an older man or something bad.
17 people like this
35 responses
@momwatittude (542)
• United States
28 Feb 07
You did the right thing and dont let anyone tell you different. Yes children need their space to learn and grow but not to the extent that they are in harms way. If children want to do something they are going to do it whether they are aloud to or not. But at the same time you must let them know you are not going to idly sit by and let them do it and that for every action there is a consequence they will have to either live with or suffer with. If we as parents do not do anything then we are failing our children.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160465)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I think it is right that she knows that certain things are not appropriate for her. Let her know if she has any questions, she can ask you, or you will help her do a safe search for information. Be aware that on some browsers you have cookies, and will start getting pop ups related to her searches. We used to have that problem, but have blocked some things and filtered some things, and have blocked html images , until approved. You are doing right to monitor her, and protect her, that is your job.
1 person likes this
@JellyBeans (639)
• Canada
28 Feb 07
That's because humans are curious.. Just as you were when you checked what she was doing.
I honestly think you did too much. I mean all she did was check that one word... I think you over reacted. I mean she is 14, she has reached the age where she is declared a teen. She is most likely mature, from what it looks to be...
@bhabesh_mohanty347 (86)
• India
28 Feb 07
i think that its time we understand our childrens this is the age they try to know about their body and such curosity when not ansewered leads to the behaviour shown by your child you should be a friend now and dont make a fuss of trival issues i agree that its your responsibility to see what she is doing but you can make her a good person by cooperating with her
@mixey62 (305)
• United States
28 Feb 07
You shouldn't punish her that much for looking that up- she's probably heard about things from other kids so was trying to confirm what she heard. I suggest telling her about a few good and age-appropriate places where she could get that information. I would tell her that the internet is no place for anyone to do that search because of all the junk out there. When I was her age, I read the health pages of "Seventeen" magazine and that was how I figured out what the kids were talking about. My parents never talked to me about boys or anything of the sort- I just had to find my own resources. Your daughter is probably doing the same, but you should find a better venue for her to find information in.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
28 Feb 07
I don't know what I would have done, I think it is okay to check-up on your kids though, you have to know what they are doing. I do agree with the person that wrong you are making her more curious...the forbidden fruit thing. I guess it depends on what exactly she was looking at, pictures or descriptions or what. It was good to take the computer away though, if she wants to know about something I would hope my kids could come to me and ask and not just try to look it up on the computer.
1 person likes this
@Laydee83 (275)
• Atlanta, Georgia
28 Feb 07
Didn't do enough, or did too much?! OMG! I am no parent, I know that. But when I was growing up I did searches like that. My parents were npisey though. Personally, I think you did way too much. Grounding her for being curious? Grounding her and making her do more than usual for something her mother should have explained to her? You were wrong in my eyes to do that to her. This should be a punishment for you. NOT HER. You should be punished that your child is 14 and feels more comfortable going to the internet and another source to find out about life. Something her parent should be informing her of. Now, all you have done is made her scared to ask you anything. Made her more curious. And also put you in her spotlight to not be trusted. I hope you do realize what the actions will be after you did that. Have fun cleaning your mess.
@atrocious (209)
• Nepal
28 Feb 07
Well children are curious about such stuffs. Since internet is so popular these days and kids have access to them they will be searching about such words on the internet. You can tell her the meaning yourselves as you know searching on the internet might end her up in several sites which are really not suitable for her.
@nill_07 (1104)
• Bangladesh
28 Feb 07
I am very glad to know that Tricia(155) is aware about his/her children.Today internet makes the world so close to us that we may think about a specific thing and to know what are thinking others great or immoral about that. Parents are the best teacher for a child forever.Childrens do not know everything automatically,they will learn what will you teach them.Help to realize them that there is a source from where they have come & everyone in this world will go back/will bound to go back to that source.So try to walk in right way otherwise..you will be loser here & there(source).Thanks for your company.
@MarkyB21 (1545)
•
28 Feb 07
Why was she looking it up? If she was just trying to increase her knowledge about the subject you really shouldn't punish her for it - it seems like a good time for you to talk to her and answer any questions she has otherwise she'll end up getting all her information from her friends who probably don't know much about the subject either.
By removing her user account from the computer you are simply saying "I don't trust you" to your daughter - do you really want that?
@tinam13 (839)
• United States
28 Feb 07
i get the reason why u did that. but i do think u over did it just a bit. u dont wanna risk her doing something stupid i know, but now she probably will try to hide as much as possible from u, bc she wont know how ull react, and she does she wont want u to mad at her for the choices she made. she's a kid, who's curious and like she said, bored. u should let her wander just a little bit and tell her what she can and cant do online, so that if she does go against what u said NOT to do , she can be punished and know exactly why. plus she'll trust being able to tell U things as much as u'll be able to trust her. good luck=)
@satellite2629 (13)
•
28 Feb 07
i have a 2 year old daughter and i know how it feels to have one it feels like u r scare of losing them that u do everythin to protect them from any harm but it is good what you do look after her i'll do the same if i was you keep checking on her cos u know wot boys think 24/7 and is not good.
@lady_luv (46)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Its right that you went thru the history and caught what she had been doing. My little brother went to s.e.x.com (yeah go figure) and I saw it and I had a pretty good talk to him. I didnt punish him because I feel kids are curious its your responsibility to teach them instead of their friends, the internet. Teach them what s.e.x is all about.
My friend who is 17 got pregnant she learned about s.e.x and how good it felt from her friends. What she didnt learn was about protection. Her parents didnt want her to know anything about s.e.x so they thought that by not talking to her about it she wouldnt do it.
@towhoe260 (25)
•
28 Feb 07
it depends on what she was looking at. she might just be concerned about her body and something that may one day occur. i think you might have gone a bit over and maybe you should talk to her about why she was looking that up.
@Mubashar1988 (1825)
• Pakistan
28 Feb 07
I personally think that it is enough for her. I think she is really sorry about the matter and she is never gonna do it again. So I think that you should give her another chance to gain your trust.
@junior07 (972)
• India
28 Feb 07
i think u don't do the justice to ur kid,yes u know that in b/w the age of 14 to 19 there are lots of changes occurs in ur body,so becoz of these changes there are lots of questions arising in the minds of kids and when they didn't get the answers of these questions they start searching abt these questions,so wht u need to do in that type of situation is just tell ur kid abt the things which are happening with him/her,tell her abt the consequences and think abt ur ownself when u were in this similar age what guidance is given by ur mother to you,you should also give the same guidance to ur child.
@doppler007 (29)
• United States
28 Feb 07
The internet is a very scary place. My 14 year old sister-in-law has been asking her parents for a MySpace account. At first I didn't see the harm in it, but I have been looking around that site and noticed how many crazy men are on there looking for women/girls to talk to. It is scary, actually. I think hitting her hard with a punishment for the first offense is the best way to go. It will teach her a lesson that maybe she won't break your trust on something bigger and worse next time!
@yuffie (10)
• South Korea
28 Feb 07
Why'd you punish her? Now what do you think she's gonna do? I'll tell you what she's gonna do, she'll start learning how to hide things from you. Like for example she might start deleting history! or just go somwhere els! Why couldn you have nicely gone up to her during breakfast or somthing and asked her what she was up to that night late on the net? She would have told you everything on her own. You've over reacted as it is. Now she will either not trust you enof (cos you spied on her) or be too scared to share her thoughts with you (cos you punished her). In future think about what your gonna do abt such stuff and what the result night be. Think what would go through your kids head and try to understand her b4 going berserk on her ok?
Think teenager! think growing up!
@jcgbrains (139)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Your concern is understandable, your punishment is enough, maybe to much. More important then the punishment is the discussion you have had, or need to have with your daughter about what she found, it is clear that you need to have an honest discussion with you daughter on the topic. While it might feel a little strange, it is needed and you must be complete in your responses, must remain calm, and must be truthful.
