Do childless couples downgrade you for having kids?

When I first began reading your post I was thinking, "Oh, this couple probably feels the need to defend their choice to be childless.." But now I think your 'friend' might just be insensitive and rude. Who cares if you don't get to sleep in as much anymore? Just because you have kids doesn't mean your life as an individual person is over, it means it's 'enhanced'. You have another wonderful facet to your life that she doesn't, and while having children is an individual choice and there are no wrong answers when it comes to the decision to procreate, people should stop seeing it as a competition. I lived in a wonderful community in Austin where the children were so incorportated into the 'scene' that it was commonplace to see kids at the coffeeshops, restaurants, outdoor music festivals, etc. My best friend has three kids and when we wanted to see an early show, we'd pile in the car and take them to a concert. And it was much more fun to have them around than not. Next time she expresses the 'perks' of childlessness, I would just counter with a 'perk' of your own about how amazing life with children is for you. I am pregnant with my first, and while my husband and I took full advantage of sleeping in, drinking too much, and staying out late while we could, we are SO over that being our life. Now we look foreward to sharing our world with a little wonder that was created out of our love, to looking into a face that is exactly half me and half my partner. No amount of sleeping in could compare to what's ahead. I have friends that criticize me for being excited about getting pregnant. More than one 'friend' made comments about how i wouldn't be so skinny anymore, and how I would get stretch marks. I realized I'm in a very different place than they are, and stopped hanging out with them... Friends are people who accept you and your life, support you, and love your children.

You dont need to explain to them why its necessary and good that you have kids. They're are really missing out alot. Imagine the kind of happiness you have when the kids are around you, imagine how wonderful you feel to know your kids and bright and cute, imagine how it would be like if one of your kids become the president of your country one day. One day we all will get old and cant doing nothing, the kids will be there to assist whatsoever so tell your friends that without their parents considering how important it is to have children, they wouldnt have existed here on earth. So they should rethink and consider having kids coz they are awesome. Single here and definately gonna have children cos they are the joy of every happy family.

it almost sounds to me like they are actually jealous of you because u have kids! i cant say that ive had this problem with any of my friends.. the worst that happens to me is i have to explain to some of them that i cant do certain things because of the little one, and they are all very understanding and supportive of that. if i were in your position what i would do (though im not really sure if this is the best way to handle the situation) is id start braging about all the benefits of having a kid.. just at random.. something like "oh it was so wonderful, my child made me this or got me that for mothers day" "its so nice to have an extra day in the year to get presents" (just as an example) best of luck to you in this situation i hope it all works out for the best!

Personally, I think it's in pretty bad taste to criticize someone for they choice to have-- or NOT have, as the case might be-- children. OK, maybe I can understand it if it concerns someone who's "welfare wealthy" with 7 kids the state is funding-- but that's obviously not what you're talking about. I can well appreciate that it would be annoying to have someone constantly "pick at you" the way you're describing. I understand how it feels, because I have had friends with children who have been set on convincing my that because I don't have kids I "have missed the most important reason for being human." I doubt an argument with these people will "solve" anything-- at best you can try to have a sitdown and talk about the fact that you respect their choice to NOT have children, and would they please respect your choice TO have children in an equal fashion. If they don't want to offer "equal time" to a perspective different from their own, it remains for you to decide whether or not these friends are really worth keeping, as friends....

I guess that the thing is, they are pretty much right! Having kids does have a huge impact on your life, and little things like sleeping in disappear in a puff of babyfood. So laugh ruefully along with them when they joke to you about it, maybe pointing out that there is no need for them to brag, you know what you are missing! And if you don't miss something, feel free to say so :). But then, you can come back with a list of all the wonders they are missing out on not having a child. The day by day changes and the huge love that arrives when they do. I sure do love mine, but that doesn't conflict with wishing they could make their own breakfast on a Sunday morning... ;o)

Hi there :) just let them share with you what they feel about having no children of their own because I believe that they're lonely deep inside them they just can't tell you how sad they are of having no children. To tell you frankly, I also have friends who is like that but I just listened until they realized that they were just making fool of themselves. They will see that soon :)

no, i have people wanting kids as they have none.

I know a couple like this, but don't judge to harshly, it maybe that they have tried and haven't been able to, so they use it as a defense so it don't hurt so much. I have 3 children I can't even think of what life would be with them. Think about not being able to have a child, wanting one of your own natural child (yes I know, there is adoption and I think everyone who wants a child that can't have one of their own to consider it, heck even consider it if you have you own) but not being able to have one and all your friends have children. Maybe talk to her and tell her you want to have a deep honest conversation with her, about why she says those hurtful things when she is around. Maybe you find out something that you will be able to understand and then she will also know how it hurts you for hurt to downgrade you just because you decided to have children. My kids are still young 10, 8, and 7 but they like to sleep in on the weekends and if they wake up early they like watching cartoons and let us sleep in till they are hungry, thats till 9 or 10 in the morning. Geez, you don't want to sleep your life away anyways.

Um - it's actually the reverse with me. I think it's great that my friends have kids. But some of my friends are almost psychotic about wishing children on me. I'm not ready for children. One of my friends is especially very pushy about it. Oh - we'll give you our hand me downs - you aren't getting any younger - we could take our kids to the park together - having kids is great they are so much fun (all this said with a psychotic smile as one kids is burping up on her and the other one who just picked his nose is grabbing food off her plate). I personally may not ever have children. I like children but the whole childbirth thing both scares me and creeps me out. If I get pregnant than so be it - I will be a mom. But I'm definately not trying for it. And since I don't like people pushing their ideals on me - I certainly don't do it back. I would never give anyone grief about how I get to sleep in (I don't - I'm up by 530 am every morning) or how I don't need a babysitter and can go out whenever I feel like it. That's not me. I think that your friends are being incredibly rude - especially when you have told them how you feel. Maybe take them aside and talk to them again and tell them how it makes you feel - that they are being condesending, etc. If they are really your friends they will stop. It's always rough to have to tell your friends you don't like something they are doing - but it's better to take them aside and tell them gentley but firmly than having it build up and you lose your temper.

Wow -- I get exactly the opposite. When folks find out I've been married for six years and don't have kids, they often seem to imply there must be something wrong with me. I do want to have kids, and we will at some point, but it's not the right time right now. Generally, I just don't bother with the people who act this way. I think the decision to have children is one that shouldn't be taken lightly and it's up to each couple to have kids when they are ready. I don't look down on friends who have kids -- and I don't like being looked down on for not having kids either.

First of all, you shouldn't let it bother you so much, although I know you can't always help how you feel about certain subjects. After your friends going on and on and on about it, it probably gets irritating. But the way I see it, they don't know what they're missing out on! Children are the most wonderful things in the world! You never could imagine how great it feels to have kids and experience the unconditional massive feeling of love you have for them. Sure, it'd be great to just go out or do whatever you want, but there'll be more time for that after the kids are grown. I have 2 kids and will be having a 3rd in the future, and I wouldn't change it for anything! There is NOTHING in this world that can compare to the feeling of being a parent.

I don't know how old your friends are or why they should be so smug about not having kids but maybe in some way deep down they envy your life. I am 39 and don't have kids, I have many friends who have kids whom I adore. I never make such comments to them, in fact, I find my friends with kids constantly telling me how much I'm missing out and no matter how much I tell them that we've decided against having children (for our own reasons which I don't need to go into here) they insist that I'm missing out on the best thing that can happen in my life. That may be, but on the other hand, they're constantly telling me how worn out they are every day bringing up their kids. I smile and make soothing sounds and comments and let them get it off their chests. That's what friends are there for, to support each other emotionally whenever needed! I help out with babysitting when I can to give them time to go out and I'm pretty sure I've never made my friends with kids feel the way your friends are making you feel at the moment. Maybe say to them (her) gently that it's starting to wind you up somewhat that she keeps going on and on about the freedom she has. Tell her that you are perfectly happy with the way your life is, it's her prerogative not to have kids just as it is yours to have and love yours. Tell her that you wouldn't change your life for anything and don't for one minute wish you were single and childless and would she please put a sock in it now - say it with a smile on your face but let her know you're deadly serious - no need to have a confrontation over it - just let her know she can't keeping sniping at you in this way as you won't tolerate it. Good luck :)

If someone bragged about the last time they slept in and asked me when the last time I did, I'd ask them when was the last time they had a person that loved you unconditionally (young children do lol), when was the last time they felt proud of themselves and what they've accomplished, just all the mommy stuff only you get to experience. I think about my life before my son and I would never go back to that. Good luck!

That's intereesting! As a person who has chosen not have children (for a wide variety of reasons, health issues only one of them) I admire those people who decide to have children. I get an entirely different attitude from some people I know with children, whether they mean to give it or not. They seem to play the "children" card in the workplace, and seem to use any excuse in the book to come in late, leave early or not be there at all. Before anyone gets riled, I understand that children require alot of time and attention - doctor's appointments, school and sports events are all very important. After all they are your children. But I have been presented with more than a few people who seem to abuse it. There is one person in particular I know, a co-worker of my husband's. Admittedly she has 3 children and a husband either unable or unwilling (I am sure it is the latter) to take time to help with anything involving the children. But even giving her that she seems to take it to an extreme. I would NEVER EVER downgrade anyone for having children, and commiting to raising the next generation. To me, that would be one of the rudest things I can think of. The only thing I can think of is saying something along the lines that to you having children is more important than napping into the afternoon. How could sleeping late compare to children you love and that love you back, in the long run? I will admit, soemtimes when I talk to friends who have kids, I do seem like the lucky one, for the reasons you mention. But when I get together with my family and see all the parents and kids, it seems to even out. Big sacrifice but with a big reward. I just can't wait til I get to borrow some of our friends' kids. I like them, but I like them better when they belong to someone else. I know that I am lazy and somewhat selfish - not good traits for parenthood. But I do have the greatest respect for those who make that sacrifice and keep the planet populated. Gerene

Honestly I would come right out and ask them to stop talking like there life is better than yours. If I were you I would tell them that either they treat me with respect and stop acting like your children are an unwanted pimple on there buts or you wont be friends with them any more. I would say that I love my children they bring things to my life that friends cant. Kids bring a diffrent kind of joy that only a child can provide and if they had a child they would understand.

Some of these people make such comments to console their situation for not having children. You do not know how hard they are trying to have a child and may not be possible. You have something to live for, your children or child. Be happy with what God has giving you and should not be burdered about people's senseless comment. My greatest joy on earth are my children. I have four beautiful children and they are my joy and happiness. I cannot trade them for anything, in fact, if I want party, I have enough to host party in my house, my kids.

I would tell her that there are perks to having and not having children. While she may enjoy an afternoon nap, you enjoy having your child look at you with such pure, untainted love and then hear them say, I love you mommy! That is a great feeling. Also let her know that it's an amazing feeling to know that you had part in the creation of someone so special...that YOU have alot of perks that she doesn't have. Then explain that while you enjoy talking to her, that she shouldn't try to be so ignorant towards you and your family :)

The simply do not know what they are missing. They also probably want kids but thus far, have not come far enough in their life plan to be blessed with children. It sounds like they are really selfish and I would guess that's why they don't have any kids. Of course, if your friend is sleeping well into the afternoon, she might be pregnant..lol... Don't worry about what they say that is negative and don't go back at them with negativity because if they truly are jealous of your children, it will only make things worse. Maybe you could make a point to say things that are positive about having kids. Stuff like "oh i love baby snuggles, etc." Then you could figure out more clearly whether they are just selfish or if they are hurting from wanting kids and not having them. Good luck!

Deep down inside I think you friend is jealouse cause they dont have a child. I have seen alot of people that are like that. They brag how nice it is not having kids. I would tell your that you dont want to hear it any more. That you are hapy having children and very content. I dont klnow how old your friensd is, but in due time your friend might want a baby.

My husband and I do not have children, but we certainly dont downgrade our friends that do. We have made the choice to not have children yet. Just as you have made the choice to have them. I think that if these people were really a true friend they would accept you and your children. As for the rude comments that they make. Politely tell them that you dont appreciate them makeing comments like that. They arent in your situation and dont understand the love that you have for your children. Again if they were a true friend they would understand that this bothers you and stop saying things like that. If being polite doesnt work then tell them that until they can learn some manners they dont need to come around you. You have to decide which is more important to you, friend or your children. I am sure you answer would be your children. Good Luck in this.