My cynicism indulged.
By shortgrl23
@shortgrl23 (172)
Canada
February 28, 2007 11:30pm CST
For a moment please allow me to indulge my cynical side. Now for those of you that have talked to me or even just stopped for a moment and read a line or two of my posts I am sure you can tell that I am a tad bit jaded, cynical, and on a rare occasion sentimental. Today is not one of the sentimental days, today is a day of pure cynicism. Ever since I was a little girl I have had a vision of what love was supposed to look like. I am sure everyone knows what I mean, it was never larger than life, it was small and glowing, the one thing that would keep you glued together when the world was tearing you apart. Yet it is the one thing that seems unattainable to me. As a child love was a word, not a feeling in my home. Now as a mom love is a feeling, a look, a warm embrace, it is unconditional, and forever. Though when I turn my attention to my love life it seems like that word does not fit. I feel like I have spent so much of my short adult life struggling, searching, and working for a feeling that others seem to find effortlessly. I am constantly being asked my opinion on others love lives and all I want to do is turn and run screaming. I have great faith the everyone will find love and happiness, yet when asked about myself I can not apply the same optimistic attitude. When asked about my own love life I always respond with some kind of witty re torte, about how love does not love me, or something to the affect that I am a temporary destination on the map of love. Now it isn't that I don't want the all consuming love that most dream of, it is just that love and me have a rather rocky past. I can find love but holding on to it is another story. Alas love is my unicorn... The fuel of my cynicism.
2 responses
@CinderInMySoul (4717)
• United States
1 Mar 07
i know what you mean. ::sigh:: ive often referred to myself as the broken down 40mph car on the freeway of love. lol
and you know that saying of "its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"? thats bullsh*t!
ive loved many times and had that love returned, but ive only been In Love once...and of course true to form i didnt know it until it was gone. i will say it wasnt all my fault (thankfully) but it wasnt all his fault either. we were both In Love, but i guess just werent right for each other.
and yeah i know...that doesnt make any sense, but thats the only way i can describe it.
personally, ive given up looking for love and have become a recluse! if love happens to fall in my lap again, then thats great, but if it doesnt-im not gonna flip out about it. losing it hurts too much to really want to go thru it again with a chance of losing it again.
1 person likes this
@shortgrl23 (172)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Ah my dear never give up on love. those that say it is better to have loved and lost are the ones in my experience that have never felt the true sting of a broken heart. Yet i realized the key to dealing is to be comfortable in your own skin, and really love seems to find most when they reconcile themselves to believe that love is not for them.
@shortgrl23 (172)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Quite honestly i would prefer that if my post is too long for you to read that you dont post a comment telling me that it was too long, really all you are doing is cheating the system with your tiny response. If you have nothing constructive to add then do not resopnd to my disscussions please.
2 people like this
