How Honest Are You?
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
March 2, 2007 2:56am CST
Everyone would agree that it is good to be honest with your friends and family about important matters?
But somebody do not know how to talk to people?
If your wife or best friend asks you to go shopping with her, and she shows tries on a dress that she loves but really looks bad on her.
Do you tell her first and for most that that dress is not nice on her, or do you let her buy it thinking she looks really good in it and everyone who sees her wear it talks behind her back.
or do you tell her the truth,
now this is where it gets tricky, the dress looks awful on her, but how do you tell her that?
you can say you look like a fat cow in that dress, which might be true, but would definitely hurt her feelings,
or you could say, that dress really doesn't show off your best qualities
and that would equally be true,
tell me guys would you be lie and let her buy the dress, be brutely honest, or tell her in a nice way that the dress is not right for her.
10 people like this
24 responses
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
With me I'd have to say I would be honest or try to be but then again it all depends who it is. If it's my sister or best friend then yes I would tell them so they don't make a fool of themselves but if it's someone I don't know well I think I'd probably keep my mouth shut. I would want my sister to tell me if something looked hideous on me.
@coffeemate (29)
• New Zealand
26 Mar 07
With all my diplomacy I find I make the worst gaffes with my near and dear ones. That is when I let my emotion ahead of my statement. Hah - will I ever learn.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I try to be as honest as I can, no matter what the case is. All of us tell little white lies sometimes to avoid a heated situation or to get out of something we want no part of. I don't like to lie to people but I have told them things to make them feel good about themselves. People already feel bad and I can't see sitting there and telling them how true it is. I want to try to cheer them up if I can. Those are just little white lies. They are not blatant lies to hurt someones feelings. I have also altered the situation around to where I do not have to lie, but tell them anothe scenario that is a positive outlook for them.
3 people like this
@hobohobo (678)
• Indonesia
2 Mar 07
in this case i will tell the truth but with the nice way offcourse, i will suggest my wife to choose another dress like that but with the better quality.
For me tell the truth is the most important thing because it desribe our self to face life
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
2 Mar 07
I really been honest with my feelings and with what I see and felt with my friends.
I'm a transparent person I was really angry with I'm mad and I was laughing to hard when I was so happy the same approach I apply to my friends when there is a real need to tell them I really was the one who criticize them in a manner that is not offensive but in a manner that she can feel the urge to change her dress or her shoes.
It is important in friendship or any relationship that we tell what's the truth for transparency really matters for it will determine how sincere and concern you are to your friend.
3 people like this
@butterflydawn (297)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I have one friend who I go shopping with, and we both agreed that we would tell one another if we didn't like something a person tried on. I don't think a person has to be rude or mean in how they answer someone in that situation, but telling them something just doesn't suit them or, that it just doesn't look right would be suitable in my eyes.
You can still be honest, without being explicit in how you view something. Of course I also think we all have our own personal views in how things look and it doesn't always mean that someone else might think the outift was nice.
3 people like this
@coffeemate (29)
• New Zealand
2 Mar 07
Truth is important. It is a bedrock of my life. I also love people and their well being is another fundamental of my existence. I believe that honesty need not be brutual at all. Honesty can be just that - honesty. Brutuality and honesty do NOT have to co-exist.
Often the same thing said by different people comes across differently. And I strive to make sure that I can be honest without being offensive.
If I were out with a friend who seemed to have lit on an "unsuitable" purchase, I would certainly let her know that "IMHO" that particular article of apparel did not suit her. But on the other hand, it is a free world.
I would certainly be honest, but graciously and lovingly so rather than disapproving or make her feel small.
Cheers!
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I agree coffeemate, it's all in the delivery, you can be honest without being brutal.
2 people like this
@shrekk (561)
• Pakistan
3 Mar 07
For me, it depends on the type of person you're dealing with. Like I have lots of friends. Amongst them there is one whom I would tell straight away that he looks real bad in the dress, and another one whom I would quietly take to a corner and tell that I didnt think he looked very good in it, but that I could be wrong too. However, one thing's for sure, I would never hide my opinion by lying that it looked really good. I infact think its wrong to do that because an opinion of anyone about anything, is based on an individual human's experience in life and is therefore respectable. It could prove beneficial or valuable, whether it is favourable or unfavourable.
@spiritwolf52 (2300)
•
3 Mar 07
Years ago my mother was buying a dress. She made the mistake of asking for my opinion of how it looked on her. Being the honest person that I am, I told her. It did not flatter her at all and yes, I told her. She was mad at first, but she put the dress back.
I do not give my opinion unless I am asked for it. But you must be prepared for an honest answer. If you are not prepared to hear the truth, then don't ask me for my opinion. The truth may hurt, but it would be better coming from me than for her to hear it from one of her friends.
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I would not lie to her. She would be having the effects of you lying to her and that would hurt her feelings worse. Because at some point it would get back to her how bad she looks in the dress. As a friend you should tell her the truth. Don't say she looks like a cow in the dress. No one would like to hear that. Just tell her that it does not show off her good points. Have her take a good look in the mirror and show her the points you are talking about. If you approach it in the right way she will know that you are wanting to keep her from getting inbarised. I wish you strength in telling your friend the truth. If she is a true friend she will understand that you wish to save her from getting hurt feelings later.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I don;t have problems telling anyone that, I am a counsellor and for the purpose of discussion I am posing these questions so that people can learn from each other.
@silentwill (1685)
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
I think I'm too honest to a fault. I can't help it, and what's not good about it is I sometimes expect other people to be as honest as I am, which more often than not is highly unlikely.
1 person likes this
@earnwhilelearn (269)
• India
3 Mar 07
I would rather be honest .If she doesn't like honesty then she is not made for me.I could tell her in a more polite way that the dress is not ok for her and i am quite sure that she understands and trusts me.
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
3 Mar 07
yes i think you should be honest with her even at this sensitive situation.
you should tell her that you don't like that dress on her and you think that somthing else would look wonderful on her and it is a pitty to pay for a dress that does not bring the best of her when you two can spend another hour shopping and find a really really wonderful dress.
you have to be honest but you have to do it in a certain way and always suggest a solution.
i think she will thank you later then if she finds out that that dress looks awful and you lied to her. she will think that maybe you are not saying your opinion on many other things. and she shouldn't be lose to you cause you are not reliable? what do you thing?
1 person likes this
@fianne (1057)
• United States
3 Mar 07
yes you need to be honest. even if it will hurt. you just need to or else you will be a liar. whatever your reasons are, just because you did not tell the truth, you are a certified liar. live with the truth, it will prevail. if it won't be you to tell her she looks awful, when she will use the dress and someone will notice it and tell her she looks awful, you will tell yourself, i hoped i told her that first instead of getting laughed at now.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Sorry I would tell her the truth, that the dress does not suit her, She did ask me to come and did ask for my advise I believe that I owe her the truth, other wise I am not being a friend, How would she feel if after I said yes buy the dress, and she was never complimented on her choice, she would feel like a fool and you helped her become that fool. no tell the truth, that way you will be trusted when you are asked an important question,
1 person likes this
@revdauphinee (5703)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I m not a guy however there are as you say ways of being honest without being hurtfull the thing is if someone does not want my honest oppinion they better not ask for it as I will be truthfull !
@hkltrading (20)
• Indonesia
3 Mar 07
To be honest is nice, but sometimes honest can break friendship or any relationship if we do not carefully. According to my experience, there is a time for us to be honest and another to lie for good.
@jaanhvimittal (78)
• India
2 Mar 07
it depends how the circumstances are
if he eagerly want that dress
and he is ready to purchase it at any cost then i will not tell him that he is not looking good
but if he is just asking that am i loking good or not then i will tell him the truth
its very good to be honest
but sometime
if u love some then u have to lie also
1 person likes this
@pillusch (1147)
• Mexico
3 Mar 07
Honesty is one of those ideals all decent humans strive for in their relationships. But I think it's far more important (and much more difficult) to be honest with yourself, to see yourself the way you really are (and not some kind of glorified self-image) and to be able to see the true motives behind your actions. That's what's meant by humility, not adding, not taking away.
