Spanking or no spanking?

I myself was of the view that without spanking children cannot learn good habits. That was true, until I actually met a couple who have never ever spanked their kid, yet were able to exert the right control on their child to help her evolve into a better person. Of course, it required an amazing amount of coordination amongst the parents and a lot of maturity, but they did manage the show. Sometime later my wife started working in a pre-school where they were not allowed to scold or spank a child. Initially, she found it difficult to get things done from children without scolding, but soon she was able to learn more about them and was able to cajole them to do the right thing without scolding or spanking. Since then, I have changed my views on this subject. Cheers! Ram

Hi there,thank you for coming with this nice topic. First of all, I am sorry if my words will make you in such unease because I do have a different view from you. let us debate here wisely without coming with any harsh element :) Kids used to behave on what their parent did. If you educate them with gently,gently they will be and instead of it. I am not talking this in empty.I used to see my cousin's family. Their parent did educate them in gently and they did never spank. All of them grow up very well and in excell. I always be with them since I was kid. So, I know how the situation was. That is normal when kids turn to be noughty but when their parent just gave a single glanced they will be in the normal way back. Couldn't you see how nice is that?

I love my kids but like you I use spanking as a last resort also. I try to use time out first and if that dostn work I will take something away and if that still dosnt work I will spank and ground for the day.

I am the same way, I will spank my child as the very last resort, Most the times, Taking away the computer, cartoons, his game systems, make him go to bed earlier, no outside activities, and no friends over. He bores easily therefore I hardly ever had to spank him,..He got the picture real quick.. I can say from a young age, I never had any issues with my son, he knew how to behave in public, he knew not to run off. He's a great kid who never talked back to me... I don't see anything wrong with spanking your child as long as it's with meaning and not out in public...lol However, if you don't spank, I respect that, to each his/her own. I will "IF" I have to and it's the very last resort... Good topic

hi, this is just an opinion from a child not from a parent. i've read your responses and it seems that you are all parents. i am a daughter. a daughter who had experienced spanking all throughout her life. yes. not just during my younger years but also in my teenage and young adult life. it just stopped when i lived away from my parents and lived independently. spanking is a nightmare even if its the last resort. just think of this, we've all gone through being children. kids are kids, its innate on them that they are sometimes not behaving well. to my opinion and through my experiences, scolding or talking to the child is better than spanking. it would give the child additional knowledge, the pros and cons f his behavior. i have experienced being talked to by my parents. being educated with the things i have done bad, it is stored knowledge. it is education. i'm turning 30 this year and all those years of spanking that i got from both my parents still haunt me. so please, don't do it to your children.

I hardly ever spanked our son. It had to be something bad, like when he threw rocks at a car when he was four. What he hated the most was having to spend the day in his bedroom. He'd beg for a spanking so it would be over quicker! When he was in his room, he had to clean his closet, tidy up his dresser drawers, dust his furniture, pick up trash and just thoroughly clean his room. While I prefer to not spank, I realize that there are times when it may b necessary. I don't judge parents either, unless they are beating the child or spanking way too much, or too hard. Julie www.drdavestein.com

i use to smack my children if they were really naughty but never did i have any problems taking the five of them anywhere they did behave when they were suppose to ,which was a blessing .Now a days i look after other peoples children and would never smack them instead i have a naughty step that works wonderfully well it only takes a few minutes of sitting on the step for them to realise i mean buisness and only have looked after one little boy who needed to sit there a few times before he complied . I have no problems in talking any number of children out with me because they know i mean no when i say no . I enjoy looking after children and they enjoy coming to my home as they all want to stay with me when its home time we have so many tears but they are all wonderful children.

i believe that spanking a child is what children need now a days because they seem to be getting a way with alot of crap. i feel that a child who misbehaves needs a spanking once in a while to straighten them up.

I think it's up to the parent to make the choice that works best on their kids. Different kids do react to different forms of punishment. some could care less what you take from them or about putting in time out while others could care less if you spank them. Only the parent knows for sure what works best. I've seen kids be out of control no matter what form of discipline a parent uses. It's usually not the discipline it's when the parents don't follow through on the punishment that causes the problem. If the parent is using a form of discipline that works on the child and uses it consistently then there usually isn't a problem. It's when they don't follow through, where they say if you do that you'll get this and then they don't discipline them. Then the child feels they can get away with anything. Now if a parent is following through and a discipline isn't working then they need to think of what will and change to that.

All kids need to learn the limits of acceptability and a spank at the right time will teach them early on where the limit is. The critical thing is to spank them early and way before you are loosing your temper. That way you will easily control the amount of force you use.

I am like you. I don't like spanking but I also realize that sometimes there is no other way to get your point across. My son is 8 so I don't spank him anymore. I think he is too old for it and I can actually discuss with him his actions and why there were incorrect. My daughter is 1 1/2 and very hard headed. When she wants to do something she is determined. The other day I had to spank her because she insisted she was going to stick a fork in the light socket. All my persuading, telling her no, trying to get her interested in something else, etc. didn't work. I had to spank her. It was either that or let her do it and fly across the room.

Age appropriate spanking, NOT beatings -- but a mere swat on the bottom -- done with calm rather than anger, along with a simple admonition of the offending behavior and an admission from the child about the behavior with remorse does wonders. Spanking becomes less necessary as consequences for misbehavior become clear to the child -- that only happens with consistency and when the parents are in absolute control of their emotions when they administer the discipline. To say that a one-year old, two-year old or three year old has no comprehension of discipline is to show a complete lack of understanding of children. Limits must be set and set early or the little darlings will take over the house and run their parents into the ground. They will bargain and negotiate and try "time outs" and generally raise kids no one will want to be around. You see parents hand their children their car keys or wallets in a grocery store to play with and then they wonder why their children scream bloody murder when Mommy needs her wallet or keys and takes them away. They think it is cute that little Johnny gets hold of the remote control to the television then curse the world when little Johnny loses it, hides it or thinks it is now his property. You see parents allow the worst sort of talking back, defiance and general testing of limits....and yet these extremely well-educated, otherwise competent people start negotiating with toddlers like Donald Trump in "The Art of the Deal." And the line of acceptable behavior slips farther and farther out of view. Pretty soon, parents are prisoners in the home, wanting to go nowhere for fear of their children's behavior -- or worse still, they accept it, chalking it up to "kids will be kids". Today, they are defiant in giving back the remote control, down the road, they will take the car without hesitation or fear. It is tragic to see the level to which even good conservatives buy into this liberal garbage about child-rearing. Unbelievably tragic for the children, who crave limits, are in their comfort zone with schedules and do far better in a disciplined environment where the rules and lines of acceptable behavior aren't constantly shifting. My children rarely need what we call "discipline" (spankings) now because they already know if they "do not obey first time..." there will be consequences. All I have to do when we are out someplace is raise an eyebrow and they straighten up right away. And I can take them anywhere and hear rave reviews on their behavior from weary parents who then beg for the secret of how we do it....:) "Sometimes I would do the weirdest things and I would get in trouble," she said. "But I don't think (spanking) had an effect on me. I didn't learn from it very well. I just felt like I was a bad person." Drs. T. Berry Brazelton, Penelope Leach, and Benjamin Spock, probably the most influential child psychologists and pediatricians in recent times, have opposed spanking. So do the American Psychological Association and the National Association of Social Workers. Even though many experts are against spanking, this form of discipline is still in use. In the past, spanking was more common. Surveys show that over 90 percent of parents spanked their children in the 1930's. "I think that it was normal then," said Brianna, 9, of Ishpeming, "but now parents understand that it doesn't (always) work." A Shift in Discipline? Mike Morin, child welfare supervisor for the Marquette County Family Independence Agency (FIA), has seen a shift to other forms of discipline. The FIA is a state agency with the authority to investigate child abuse and neglect. "I think, in general, society has really moved away from spanking," he said. "I think in some respects, society has learned more effective means of disciplining kids. (But) there are still people out there that we run into that are very strong believers in corporal punishment. There's a divergent opinion, it seems to me." A recent survey by the American Academy of Pediatrics shows differing opinions on the part of pediatricians. The academy officially opposes spanking, but members' responses to the survey show that opinions could not be summed up as simply "for" or "against" spanking Regards, Sam

I used the pick up the child away from the situation result. I never had trouble getting my children to behave in restaurants because we started when very young, and they copied what we did.

I don't smack my kids bacause I 've never felt the need to do it... When my son misbehave I normaly just come to him look him straight in his eyes and said to him to stop. If he throw a tantrum I will just ignore him until it pass. However If it happen outside the house I will just say to him to stop if he doesn't stop then we'll go home. He won't like it if we go home so he will normaly stop. And also he knows for sure that I meant what I said...xx

It's better not to spank, if you get very angry or stressed you can go too far. There are other ways.

I say spank them. Children nowadays are so spoilt sometimes spanking is the only way to keep them in line.

When my children were younger they knew who was in charge. Today's youth have no morals and it's a scary topic to me. Our future rulers have no morals. There were times my children got a swat on the rear, but I tried to make sure the crime fit the punishment. A funny story about punishing comes to mind, my son loved to be outside and my daughter loved to be inside. One day they were driving everyone nuts and we grounded the boy inside and the girl outside you would have thought we beat the living ...... out of each of them.

it depends on the behavior of a kid. if he's a hard headed will you have the reason to spank them but make sure to explain later in a nice way (not by shouting) the reason why you hurt them and i'm sure they will understand just the way i descipline my 11 yr old sister. hope this can help!

I never spanked my children, but I always threatened to spank them. My children (with the exception of my middle child) were very well-behaved. As my children grew older, because I wasn't so strict, they weren't rebellious like many other teenagers are. Instead, they were straight A students, volunteers within the community, and have ultimately became successful adults today.

At least one spanking is allowed. Who regrets a single spanking by the parents? i don't because i've realized that i deserve it.