My fiancee never talks and I talk too much to fill the silences!
By sharone74
@sharone74 (4837)
United States
March 3, 2007 2:02pm CST
What do you do with a partner who never talks? I men he's not mute or anything but when he comes home from a long day of work he even admits that he is waspish and snappy and needs to be left alone for an hour or more to unwind. Usually when he comes through the door he is on the phone with one of his best friends, which I don't so much mind. But they talk for the whole 30 min+ drive home and they'll keep yammering away "taalking shop" for another half hour to an hour unless something comes up or I loudly and several times mind you, complain. When he finally gets his butt off the phone and I ask him how his day was I always get a monosyllabic answer like "long" or "fine".
I ask him why he desn't talk to me but he has so much gto say to Richard. He tells me that it is because Richard has a Master's degree same as his and they are in the same line of work, career and educational counceling. Well, I am a pretty samrt cookie, and a lot of what he and Rich will wrangle about forever is not only repetitive a lot of the time, but much of the conclusions that thye come to based upone their textbooks and or limited counceling experience. (Rich has been actually exercising his degree for over a year now, my fiancee just over a month and a half.) I feel like he thinks that I am not really worth talking to about his work because Idon't have a masters degree too so he thinks that I wouldn't have any valid or valuable feedback. I am a very smart girl. In fact I am in college studying Information technology and even he admits that my 3.5 GPA is a couple tenths higher than the GPA that he graduated with. But regardlessd day in day out I feel like he is dismissing me like he thinks that I am stupid. This is extremely frustrating.
What do I do, just keep biting my tongue and being ignored. I have more value than just playing bedroom games, and I hate to have to glean my info by eavesdropping on his conversations with his goofy friend whom I find is more than a little strange, and shhhhhhhhhhh keep it on the down-low, but I am smart enough to think cirles around both of them any day of the week and twice on Sundays!
3 people like this
19 responses
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
4 Mar 07
I probably would not stand this relation., I need to comunicate with my man/bf/husband. If there is no communication, then there is no real relation. What about on his days off? Does he talk to you then?
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Yea I'm the same way....and I communicate to the point of brutal truth at times with my husband (or anyone really) but you are right, without communication there really isnt anything of substance IMO
@missinghim (1339)
• United States
3 Mar 07
then why are you still there sharone? why deal with the headache of living with a man that doesn't value you or your opinions. when i first started reading, i was in agreement with him about giving him time to unwind... but he's totally wrong for his bad behavior! do you really want to marry a man that doesn't value anything about you but your techniques in the bedroom? i don't doubt your intelligence at all, but i do doubt his. if he was smart, he'd be able to recognize what he had at home instead of reaching out to his friend for everything.
1 person likes this
@pinagpala (67)
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
i definitely agree with u girl. u definitely hit the bulls eye! girl power!
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
3 Mar 07
It sounds to me like he lacks the respect for you that you obviously deserve. Have you told him how he's making you feel? If you have and he still continues to treat you like this then maybe you'd better reconsider your relationship. Men can be so strange. My hubby has a job that I do not even remotely begin to understand, and he knows this, but still goes on for hours about it. I just keep my mouuth shut and listen to him. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice to give you, just don't sacrifice your self esteem and self worth for someone who doesn't appreciate it.
@sharone74 (4837)
• United States
6 Mar 07
that is what I will not do! I have full self esteem and valuation. I think in time he will come to respect my opinions more. I think that once I get my degree and am on the same "intellectual level" with everyone he knows that the respect issue may change. In fact since I started my degree his attitudes have improved. I also tend to make myself unavailable a lot by being in the office rather than out in the rest of the house with him.
@Fishish (696)
• India
6 Mar 07
i think if a person can not make u feel good, he is no good for u. u need to think hard about this person, he seems to be ignoring u on purpose. try to analyse if he has reduced your confidence as it might be the case. if it is so then just go ahead on your own adn forget him. one who makes life bad for u can be no good.
@pinagpala (67)
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
My boyfriend did that to me once. There was a time when he just kept silent. He wouldn't even respond to anything I would say. He's an engineer and at times his being engineer gets into his nerves. I was about to burst and told exactly what i feel, how badly I felt during those days that he was totally ignoring me. He told me he was sorry for making me feel that way. from then on when he goes home he spends time with me now. he listens and shares what happened in the office so I would know. He tells me that he would call his friends and will be with me after that and we're doing so fine now. wishing you well with your partner.
1 person likes this
@vicki59 (23)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Take a word of advice-RUN,and don't look back. DON'T listen when he asks you to come back,and tells you things will CHANGE. Because they will -- for the WORSE. I didn't listen to those words either, my man loves me! So 6yrs later here I sit- ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE!! Looking to get out,and just be on my own. We don't talk,we argue.We do nothing together. The only reason I'm still here is this is an apt. in his mothers house,and financially I can't leave,but as soon as I can,I'M GONE! Then I can smile again,and just be me.You're worth more than the way he treats you,hope you realize this before you're sitting here writing this to someone else. Good Luck
@dixie1 (1330)
• United States
4 Mar 07
HI,
There is a reason why he does not talk to you. You may never know. One thing for sure, he will not change, and if you get married and communication is important to you then you will not be happy.
Sorry to be so blunt yet this is a huge area in marriages..communication.
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Sharon why are you putting yourself through this? I mean not to be rude or offensive or hurtful etc but dont you think you are worth more than that? You're a beautiful strong minded intelligent woman and IMO shoudl be treated as such...You arent a pc of meat who's purpose in life is to be on the ready for "bedroom games" and thats it ya know....I dunno it just seems to me that you arent getting the respect you deserve nor are you being valued as a woman by your guy ya know..and thats not right IMO...Seriously I woudl re-evaluate your relationship and figure out if this is really what you want...I mean what kind of marriage will that be if he is goin to treat you like this now ya know.....
Sorry to be the killjoy but I have to be honest....
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Explain to him how you feel and if he still doesn't change and give you the same answer,then you have to rethink of the whole situation. Do reverse psychology first. If you got something going on with you, let him hear you chatting with one of your girlfriends and if he ask, tell him it is no big deal coz it is just office stuff. If he gets the point probably he will understand how you feel. But if he doesn't get it....imagine being married to him and this situation will continue. I don't think you will be a happy camper.
My husband line of work I don't have any idea but everytime he comes home, he tells me what he does, etc that if I will sub for him, I will definitely know the in and outs.
Goodluck with everything and hope things will change for the better.
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Other than Richard, you should be his best friend too. But obviously, that is not the case now. It sounds like he undermines your opinions, don't respect you, doesn't think you're worth the time and effort and probably see you as someone in the lower class than his best mate, Richard. If you are his fiancee, you should be his no. 1 priority. You should be the one he confines in, spend time with, talk to, pampers, etc. Honestly, I wouldn't waste my time with someone like him. Every girl deserves to be treated with respect and you're not in this particular relationship. Try having a serious chat with him. Tell him how you feel. If he just laughs it off or doesn't see any problem with it...I think you got your answer there.
@krishnageethika (119)
• India
4 Mar 07
You say your fiance - not yet married? At the beginning of your life itself this much complaints? This is not good for a happy future. If you truely feel that he is ignoring you then you must try to find out the truth. Sometimes he may be jealous of your educational level. So he satisfies his ego by behaving like this towards you. Men are egoists, you know. They usually don't like their wives getting smarter than themselves, though there are exceptions.
So at first, you try to be more loving towards him. Never demand for love or attention from him. That will only irritate him. Accept him as he is. If you love and respect him with all your heart, he cannot but return your love. Gradually he will come your way. So be patient and hope for the best. Best of luck to you!
@sassy_zhai (63)
• Philippines
4 Mar 07
just ignore him and do whatever you want to do with your life... believe me he'll come rushing to you when he felt that he is lossing you.
@franxexces (1096)
• Philippines
4 Mar 07
your fiance is kinda mean.. but why not think of a topic that he'd be interested in? You should put effort for him to know that you care for him and that you want to talk things with him.. You need his time because it seems that he doesn't have time for you.. I can't believe your relationship lasted this long and yet you do not have enough communication.
@sanjaypatel250174 (250)
• India
3 Mar 07
try doing this.Next time when he comes home,you try being busy on the phoen with yopur friemd,do not ask him anything.Behave the way he does to you.I am sure he would then realise his mistake.
@ToMatriX (94)
• Indonesia
3 Mar 07
Well, talk is cheap. As long as he's still give you attention, don't push him into something that make him uncomfort.
Good Luck on your relationship
@Pochrich (30)
• Singapore
4 Mar 07
I don't think this has to do with education levels.Your fiancee is lacking respect for you and being inconsiderably rude to you.Talking to friends is fine but when a guy gets home,he should spare time for his loved ones and not looking at them as "something else".You should speak with him about this.It's really stupid of him to use such a lame excuse like a university degree to cover up for his lack of communication to his loved ones.Hope you will be able to work this out.Cheers!
@pinagpala (67)
• Philippines
3 Mar 07
I believe that your partner doesn't respect u at all. He's like indirectly telling you you're stupid and definitely not worth talking to. Respect is such a big word that your partner must have in a corporate world he wants to succeed.
He is so engrossed with it so much! Always bare in mind that at times EQ is much more important than IQ!
@noeltotherescue (261)
• India
4 Mar 07
do tell me once more why you are still with this guy? he obviously doesnt respect you enough to think that you are interesting.... then why is there a relationship to even begin with? is he that great a guy in bed???
i wasnt jokin!!
if he doesnt wanna talk to you,then i dont see why u are taking the pains to make a conversation with him,.. just leave out!
