"Wrong" gift
By JuliaPan
@JuliaPan (564)
Canada
March 4, 2007 3:58pm CST
What would you do if you were presented by your partner a gift you didn't like at all? Would you show it to him/her? Would you talk it over right away or pretend that everything's OK?
Well, it was my 30th birthday some days ago, and my husband presented me a chain with ear-rings which seemed to me so gaud and dull and not beatiful at all. I didn't tell him about it, but he saw that I was very disappointed. I thought about it all day and night long, but we talked about it only the day after my birthday. I wish we talked about it earlier, because my birthday was a bit spoiled.
So what would you do if you were in my shoes?
9 people like this
45 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
4 Mar 07
I would break it to him gently that I didn't like his gift.I would get him to go with me to exchange the gift so he can see what I really like.We would re-celebrate my birthday just the two of us.
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
4 Mar 07
That's a really tough spot to be in. Since he already saw your disappointment there is really not much you can do except possibly explain you liked the gift but they just weren't your style or something like that. Maybe he would understand and you could exchange them for something you liked better.
True story: I do my best to find hidden gifts and open them "early" rewrapping them perfectly as they were so the giver doesn't know. By doing this if I'm disappointed I've already gotten it out of the way before actually opening them in front of the person.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Yeah, after we talked he went to the shop to exchange the jewelry he had presented. The new one wasn't much better, I must say, but this time I told my husband I liked a lot. After all, he tried to give me something special.
As for you, you get well-prepared for your birthday and other holidays by knowing what you'll be presented with. :)
@lkbooi (16070)
• Malaysia
5 Mar 07
This once happened to me. That time i thanked him and gave him a hug, told him i appreciated what he had presented to me. I told him i will be happier if we could go back to the shop and change the gift to what i desire most. The next day i got the gift i love and we had a good day.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
How nice to hear at last from someone who was in the same situation! I understand, that my question was "what would you do if...". It's always easy - for me also - to imagine "what I would do..." than to behave in the right way when you happen to get into this. So, my congratulations to you, you did what probably I should have done.:)
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Well, happy belated birthday to you!
That's always a very difficult situation. But since he already knows you're disappointed, and you've talked a bit about it, perhaps you could go out *together* and change the jewelry for something you really like, if that's possible? The the end of the day, I imagine he really wants for you to be happy. I don't have many good suggestions, though, since I always make it a rule that if someone doesn't like something I give them, we need to just go exchange it for something else.
1 person likes this
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
15 Mar 07
Thank you for your piece of advise! We actually talked about it and my hubby went to the shop alone to exchange the gift. I offered that we would go together but he refused, I don't know why.
Finally, he brought me some other chain instead. Frankly speaking, it was not the kind that I would buy myself for me, but anyway it was much better. AND of course I told my husband that I liked it a lot, and I've already worn it several times to show him that I appreciate his gift.
Well, it was a good lesson for me, and now when I remember my past birthday, I remember only about good things that happened that day!
@Fishish (696)
• India
5 Mar 07
it is okay to haev talked about it a day later, maybe talking it on your birthday would be worst and would spoil your day more. it is okay to get a bad gift once in a while and then it is the feelings that matter. you can get a gift later on sometime...chill...
1 person likes this
@cutebaby4 (196)
• India
6 Mar 07
If i am in your shoes,i will accept the gift with full of happiness even if I don't like that gift..it is a matter of love not the things which he buy..
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Right, I do understand it when I think about it. But it was really hard for me to pretend as if nothing happened. Really hard. It wasn't his first gift. If it were, I think I wouldn't get so upset. I would surely say I liked it. But he had given me so nice things before...
@kewlchap (1)
• India
5 Mar 07
Hmmmm... tats a bad situation to be in considering tat ur partner has already noticed ur disappointment... but u cant help it... if u tell him than he would feel more bad... u jst need to come over ur disappointment instantly and say something nice abt the gift... it would make the other person feel better
1 person likes this
@livelifeasitcomes (24)
• India
5 Mar 07
i might have behaved as if everything was ok...gifts are something that a person gives someone to show their love towards them...so i guess it wud be better to be quite...well its totally my view,others may disagree..
1 person likes this
@Darkhorse1311 (418)
• India
5 Mar 07
If i were in ur shoes i would accept the gift as it was cos it's not the fact that it wasnt good enuff but he has probably gone thru a lota effort and saved a lotta money to get u that gift...and i might insist on no surprise gifts policy from next year onwards maybe that oughta send him an idea...appreciation will get u a long way hunni
@angelOFdemise (100)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
I guess before anything else, before you got married and all that, both of you should have made it a point to be familiar with the preferences of each other...
Anyway, I guess if my boyfriend gives me something which I really do not like, I'd still appreciate his effort for coming up with that gift. Even if you didn't like the gift, you should show your appreciation for his effort. However, you should also avoid putting up fake smiles of "gift admiration". Tell him what you think about the gift, but do not forget to show appreciation for his act of "giving a gift". Being open to each other is a vital requirement for any relationship.
1 person likes this
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Surely, he knows my preferences. Like, that I don't like bijouterie, and that I love gold. The problem is that he had presented me some wonderful things, and I was sure he's got a taste and is able to choose a beatiful gift.
I didn't expect of myself that I would be so vexed. :(
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
4 Mar 07
hi there, well lets put it this way what would you feel if you gave your partner a gift but you saw it on his face that he didnt like it? what would you feel now if you are on his shoes? well its the thought that count. but thats the reason why i dont like surprises coz i may not be surprise on what i will receive lol and he might be surprise with my reaction lol. well just appreciate it. its better than nothing right? be happy he didnt forgot your special day.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
You are right, he did want to make it a special day for me. A week before, he confessed that he wanted to present me a day or two away from home in some Spa or hotel - with him, of course - but he wasn't sure if it made a good gift. I said it's good that he revealed his plans - I wouldn't like to go anywhere now - even to the most beautiful place in the world - without my little son.
@stefan_diego (556)
• Canada
5 Mar 07
well, sometimes you have to give him an idea what you want. it's not his fault. All he did was buy something he thought you would love. You spoiled your birthday i suppose. It's the thought that counts. Whenever someone asks me what i want for a gift, i always say whatever, just show up that day & we're ok now, if you bring something with you, that's an added bonus. Besides, my wife just tells me to buy whatever i like with in the range of our budget.
1 person likes this
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
6 Mar 07
Well, I should really have told him what exactly I wanted. I can admit it was a my fault partially. But I didn't spoil my birthday in the whole. We had a gorgeous party with our friends, as in the evening I already didn't remember about that gift. And the following morning we happily talked the problem over.
@Molly322 (125)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I was taught that it is "the thought that counts" and that "honesty is the best policy."
As a gift giver, if something is not right or the person will not wear or use the gift, I'd rather know so I could return it and give them something that would make them happy and get use. Something that will sit on a shelf in the back of a closet and never be touched is a waste of my money and their space. Part of the joy in giving a gift is knowing it will make someone happy!
That said, as the gift recipient, it can be hard to tell someone that the gift they purchased for you isn't right but if you tell them honestly that you "appreciate the thought that went into the gift" and that you appreciate their generosity and then explain your reasons for why the gift doesn't work for you, they will not (or should not) be unhappy but rather grateful that you could tell them the truth. After all, they want the gift to bring you joy, not disappointment!
1 person likes this
@bandu123 (70)
• India
5 Mar 07
you were wise not to talk about the wrong gift immediately. your husband didnt make the mistake purposely.if you would have told him immediately he would have been hurt. he gifted you to show his love for you.it was better you talked later.
@Bev1986 (1425)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I would probably say something. I think he would know by my response whether or not it was a good gift! lol! I know if I thought hubby didn't like a gift I got him, I'd want to know, so I want to give him the same courtesy....
@rainne12 (61)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
First lemme say that 'its the thought that counts'. Men mostly find it hard to find a suitable gifts for their partners, though some men do. Let just say, that women are into details than men. If he gave you one on your birthday, then he must have put some effort on thingking what will please you. If I were in your shoe, and it turns out that the gift wasnt the one I like, I'll do a little white lie. I would say that I like it but as we cuddled up, i will give him hints of the earings/gifts of my style that I would like on my next birthday.
1 person likes this
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
5 Mar 07
It is the thought that counts. It is pretty sad to not like the gift your beloved gives you, but you have to understand that it was a gift from the heart. i would not tell my beloved if i didn't like a gift he gave me, becuase i would know this. It doesn't matter if it isn't what i wanted. It matters that he thought of me and loves me and wanted to get me something.
1 person likes this
@blushnpixie (216)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
I wouldn't show him that I didn't like the gift. Besides, I'd be able to find some use for it. I might wear it with something really nice, and it would go unnoticed. It's the thought that counts for me. The mere fact that he tried and he took some time to buy something for me, just to make me feel special on that day makes it all worth it.
@blue_fairee (236)
• Pakistan
5 Mar 07
i dont know since how long you are with him. But still he is your husband. If i were at ur shoes i would accept the gift happily and would appreciated him for his concern and love. And than later on would ask him from where he did buy that and is there any possibility to show more such pieces. And than gradually is there any possibility to exchange this one with some other one of my own choice. Your choice is good but i want to see some more pieces or something matching with my new clothes etc.
As i cant break anyone's heart and thats my husband. i must be frank enough to share what i feel but i must understand his feelings as well. So it doesnt matter much what he brought me in gift. As its his choice and he will be happy to see me wearing that. And thats enough for me to see him happy.
And i can ask him for another gift anytime. There is so many occasions or i can create one such myself (be smart enough to have more gifts)
have fun
1 person likes this
@tinacaps (66)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
If I were in your shoes I would still appreciate the gift he gave me. I would consider myself lucky that he still remembered my birthday and extended the effort of procuring me a jewelry. Because, if I were in his shoes, your disappointment would have affected me greatly. If you think you're birthday was spoiled, imagine how your husband felt.
1 person likes this
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