What Do You Think Of The Phrase "Children Should Be Seen But Not Heard"?

I have absolutely NO tolerance for that thought process AT ALL...My mother is like that and actually the father of my kids was like that as well and I have piped up more than once when they've tried to hush my kids and informed them that I WANT to hear what they have to say and I will not have them shushed etc.... I think one of the biggest problems with kids today is the fact that so many caregivers DONT want to hear the child/teens opinion OR they'll tell them that their opinion is wrong etc etc which I'm sorry but thats a total load of crap!...My children know their manners, they are polite and know more often than not to wait their turn to speak but never ever have I treated them like a "less than"...and its not just my kids I do thta with..i do it with all kids that are in my life whether its one of my childrens friends or a neice or nephew of mine etc...

That really sounds strict in our modern age but during our grandfather's time, those rules were the norm and people don't really question why it has to be that way. I do believe though that it's because of those rules that during those days people are more cultured, respectful and a lot more civilized. I believe "then" is better.

I have been told that this is quite common among German families. I don't know if it is true for all German families but in our family (which has a German base) it was very true. When we went to visit our grandparents, we sat on the couch and we stayed quiet unless spoken to. We did not wander or get into trouble. Learning to listen was being taught to us. On the way to the grandparents house, we were told exactly what the rules were and what the punishment would be if we stepped out of line. If we were asked a question, we answered it and only it. You see, being asked a question was not an invitation to join into the adult conversation. We learned to respect our elders. Grandpa taught each of us how to read and understand the stock market. For which, I will always be grateful. The reward for obeying our parents and the rules was the treats that grandma had baked. She always kept them in tins and the tins were all around the room. Every so often, grandma would open a tin and pass it around the room. Mind you, you only took one. Then a little while later, she would open a different tin and we would repeat the process. We learned to be seen but not heard. We learned not to interrupt adult while they were having a conversation. We learned to use manners and show respect. We learned to listen. On the way home, my father would ask each of us questions to see if we had been listening. We learned to open our ears instead of our mouths. Later in life, I had the honor of living with grandma for 3 months. It was wonderful. She shared many stories with me. She taught me how to be frugal. She gave me many tips of how to make many of the treats that she put in her tins. She talked and I listened. I will always treasure my time with her. I miss her now.

I know this used to be said back in the 50's but there's so much trouble in todays society, I think the best thing a person can do in raising kids is keep the line of communication open. You need to teach them manners and I don't think they should be allowed to butt in while adults are talking but even if they don't know what they're talking about listen to what they say because you have the chance to either explain or let it ride, but I think it is very important to keep the line of comunication open. Children NEED to know they have someone to talk to about anything. Communication is vital.

I absoluutly disagree. My children are 3 and 5, when they get quiet...I know they're up to something. In my oppinion kids who are or were raised to be seen and not heard, lived more as a prisoner than a respected family member. I would have a hard time going to visit someone with that beleive...don't get me wrong, I don't allow my kids to run around screaming and I do expect them to obey and respect me. I think if we want our children to respect us as parents we need to respect them and their individuality. All children will push the limits but its up to us to teach our kids to behave...not just silence them.

I think in moderation it is a good rule... not to speak unless spoken to. It would be respectful for children to follow that rule when amidst adults, children these days are too involved in the cares of their parents and of the world, I think that is a heavy burden for them to have to carry. Let kids be kids.

I know people like that but I think that this saying was contrived by some wicked step parent or something. As you can probably tell, I don't think it's at all appropriate! Children need a voice. They need to know that they count. It's detriment to their self-esteem and development. How will they learn to make decisions for themselves if they've never been a part of the decision process? They might obey but at what cost? I want my children to respect me, not fear me! It's almost as sad for the parent/person who feels that way as the child being raised that way... they are missing out on so much. A child's view is something so pure, innocent and perfect. I want to hear my child and really know them. I also want them to know that they are important and special to me.

That's how my step-father was when I was growing up....I think that's why I have such a big mouth now...lol. I have 5 kids, and yes, sometimes I think that if I raised them like I was raised, I would have a lot better behaved children!! But, some aspects, such as this one, were not the right way to bring up children. I think parents should be harder on their children (me included) but if you tick them off bad enough, you could have to deal with CPS. It's a no-win situation...

In some cases, yes, kids should be seen and not heard. My friend has two kids and they are a mess. They were invited over to a party and these kids were a real terror. They jumped all over the furniture, they were yelling and screaming for no reason. They were very rude and unruly. Did the parents care? No, not one bit. Did the parents correct them before they wrecked the place? No, they did not. I talked to our host and she just shrugged her shoulders. So, I went to the mother and politely asked her to keep her kids in line. If that was not possible then maybe they should leave. They left, and as they were leaving, they apologized for their kids. Kids, no matter the age, need to show respect. When in someone elses' house, they need to respect others' property. Yes, I was raised in the old fashioned way. We were expected to obey our parents, be polite, be respectful. I think that is missing in todays world.

I don't really agree with this statement. I believe that every person, regardless of age, should be free to voice their opinions. They should be included in on a decision that will ultimately affect their lives as well. I feel that no person should be left out or told that they are not worthy enough of being included in something because they are just children. I think that a truly mature person listens to a child and as well lets a child voice their feelings on certain topics. They don't just tell the child they have no bearing on any decision being made in the household. I know if I had a household of my own complete with children and something big arose like we had to move somewhere, I would want my kids to feel free to come and talk to me about it. I would want them to ask questions and be interested in what was going to happen. I wouldn't want them to just sit by while Mommy and Daddy made all the decisions and did all the moving themselves. It's called a family for a reason, because everyone has an important part to play in it. The children should have more of a role than just young people who are expected to obey their parents all the time and be quiet the rest of the time. I feel like anyone who is holding on to this old fashioned type of child rearing is truly being pretty close minded and a bit prejudiced towards children. They are acting like their kids really don't matter at all in the big picture and that it is more important what Mom and Dad think than anyone else in the household. I believe in treating everyone fairly no matter what the differences in age might be. If a child is four or fourteen it doesn't matter, they have equally important opinions and each one should be taken seriously. Sometimes I can understand the parents wanting the children to be seen but not heard. At the same time why raise a child to believe they can't be vocal if they don't like something? I feel it is more important to raise a child who will speak up when they need to than to tell them their opinions don't matter. I want to bring children into this world who will continually try to better themselves and question everything. I believe I grew into that type of a person who is strong yet still cares about what other people want. I would love the ability to pass on some of my character traits to my child. I think whoever came up with this saying must have been around in the olden days or something. I honestly don't think it applies to life nowadays and anyone who does try to apply it to bringing up their kids is just going to mess their kids up. I think children need to be raised to know that they can feel comfortable talking to their parents about anything. I think that olden days people had a hard time thinking of children as people too and tried whatever they could to hold them back. I think kids need more encouragement than anything else while they grow up, they don't need someone holding them back. . . Thanks for allowing me to share! xx

I don't agree with that saying at all. If I felt this way I would have missed a whole bunch of great things with my daughter. Kids have a really neat view of the world and the things they say can be pretty insightful and entertaining.

My "out-laws" feel the same way. They might not say it or admitt it,but their actions speak otherwise. I think this idea is very out dated and so not appropriate for todays world! This stupid idea has gotton be so upset on more than one occiason. (sorry about spelling)Since my husband grew up like that one thing I can see that was a bad effect is he does not talk to me. When problems araise or conflicts between us he remains queit and it drives me crazy! He was not allowed to speak his oppion at home and so he says nothing now as an adult!

No it's no appropriate. Children need to talk and walk around. If your father-in-law doesn't understand this, then he is missing out on getting to know 2 wonderful kids. I can remember as a teen eating dinner with my family and a sister's boyfriend and his 2 daughters. His daughter's warned me that he had a rule against speaking at the dinner table for kids. I thought the same thing applied to me too because he was at my parent's house. It was horrible. I cried for days because of the fear that I had that night. I hope that you can find a common ground for your kids and their grandfather.

There are a lot of us 'that come from that period of time where children were expected to be "seen but not heard". Coming from someone who lived during that time and myself was one of those children who heard that comment more than I can count, I can look back on those days and compare them to many (not all) of the children now-a-days and the way they are allowed to be heard and seen, whether you want to hear them or see them at all. It was a time when we were taught as children that most of the conversation was carried on by adults (grownups) who actually knew what they were talking about. We were taught it was extremely rude to be interupted by a child. There were times when it was appropriate for us to enter a conversation and there were (plenty of) times when we knew voicing our opinion (if we had one) was not proper. It was a time when children had no clue to the real issues of life or issues our parents faced. We were children and were expected to respond to adults in a respectful manner. If we didn't, we were threatened with being "knocked away from the table" or "slapped into next week". None of us were probably knocked away from the table, I never was, but I was threatened a lot. It taught us respect for our elders, something I see little of these days. If we were taken along to visit someone we were told in advance how we were expected to act, or we were told to go outside and play. That was a time when we could do that, not like today. We were taught it wasn't proper to touch anything. We were not allowed to ask for a drink of water or a cookie or anything like that. If we were forced to stay inside, we brought along our coloring book or something to occupy our time. After all, it wasn't that WE were going to visit. Our parents were only taking us along. It's the same as having 'the kid's table' set up away from the grown up table. We were never allowed to sit at the grown up table. It was for grown ups for goodness sake. We never thought anything of it either. It's just the way we things were back then. Back then, we, along with our parents were raised (for the most part) very strict. It came from a Puritan or Biblical background that had been passed down from generation to generation. Do I think it's still appropriate? I don't know. I do believe parents have become more open and less demanding of their children these days. I don't think parents (some of them) teach their children proper respect or the kind of manners we were brought up with. For me, I certainly would appreciate it more if my grand daughter asked me if she could have something out of my refrigerator instead of helping herself to it. If it's the last soda I have and I was saving it for pawpaw and she drinks it without asking then that leave poor pawpaw doing without after a long hot day. If I have something on a shelf that has been in my family for 50 or 60 years and little Susie comes in and grabs it and breaks it, then, who is to blame. Is little Susie to blame because the heirloom caught her eye and she just had to touch it? Is it mom or dad who didn't teach little Susie the value of someone else's things? Or is it nana and pawpaw's fault for not putting pretties up higher? Children today (in my opinion) are given way too much freedom of expression. (Some of them) are not taught simple respect or how to respect their elders. The elderly (grandma and grandpa) are just people like everyone else and are usually treated with little or no respect for their years of hard work and wisdom. Kids are given computers, expensive games, name brand clothing, and (sometimes) free rule while parents sit back too busy to teach children basic manners. Your father-in-law (grandpa) has the right to instruct anyone how they should act in HIS home. After all, it is his......... Just my opinion. I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. I'm just saying...........that's how we were raised.

there are still young people who believe that way as well. Yes it is a paradigm from a different generation. But some people still believe it. I don't, children need to move around to explore and express themselves. Their young personalities are being formed, so how you parent makes all the difference in the people they are going to be.

Under some circumstances, "being seen and not heard" can be expected. But this applies not only to children, but to adults as well. I encourage my children to speak their minds and grow as individuals and not just follow orders all the time. This, I hope, will help them develope certain life skills that are necessary to succeed in making decisions as an adult, but I also agree that this should be done in a way that they are brought up respective of other people.

I think children should be raised with manners...so that when you are having a conversation with someone they don't just interupt,...but I also think they should be treated like worthwhile human beings & if they have something to say you should listen to them.You can't just ignore them till they grow up and then listen to them.They also learn respect by getting respect. :)

i prefer to change that saying round and turn it into "14 year old back chatting daughters should be seen and not heard" We try to include her in decisions about her future but we just get the i dunno, reply back again.

i dis agree children should be heard they are important and some times canactuall ythink right and no its not appropiat in this day and age we in the 21st century

A load of rubbish. I have no children but I think that that is totally inappropriate. Children are human beings themselves even if they don't know everything about life. They should be treated equally!!!