Is it wrong for me to be upset with my father?

You are entitled to your feelings, but then so is your father and his new wife. It sounds like they were concerned that there might be a confrontation or that you might act to display your displeasure. There must have been something in your past dealings that made them exclude you. Since it is known that you disapprove they were within their rights to exclude non-supportive people from what they want to remember as a pleasant day.

i think id be really hurt if i were in your position. i mean for him to not invite you to his wedding seems like a real slap in the face! have you tried talking to him about it? did he have a good reason for not inviting you? was the invitation perhaps lost (probably not but who knows)? try talking to him and letting him know how that made u feel, and hopefully u two will be able to work it all out!

I would like to share with you my own story. My father married a woman that all three of his children did not approve of. We had good reasons. She had been married and divorced four times already, twice to the same man who actually called my mother to tell her to 'warn' my dad about the woman he was about to marry. He told us a bunch of crazy stuff about her, how she had left him and then wrote 'take me back' on his house in red paint... stuff like that. Also, she made it abundantly clear that she was not interested in having a relationship with any of us children. She kicked us all out of our childhood home once because we were having a talk with our dad about an upcoming child support court date in which my mother wanted me to testify. Our parents had only been divorced about a year at this time, and we were ages 11,16,and 18. It was a very hard time for us and she only made it worse. Anyway, fast-foreward a year later. I am getting ready to go to college and my mother tells me I need to speak to my father about some bonds I have in his bank. So I volunteer to take my little brother over for his weekend stay in order to do this. My dad wasn't home, but SHE was, and as soon as she realized I was there to talk about money, she went off on me, pushed me up against the door repeatedly, and kicked me. This sent me into a rage, although I had enough self-control to not touch her, I threatened her and told her if she ever touched me or my brother again, well, you can imagine what I said wasn't pretty... Four months later, at college, two policemen came to my dorm to serve me with papers... she had filed a restraining order on me. I didn't go to court because I didn't want to dignify her actions with a response... after all, she was the one who physically assaulted me, so this was just b.s... I moved away shortly after, and only saw my father once a year for holidays for the past six years. Recently, my mother tells me she got papers in the mail from a collection agency. Aparantly the county turned over their outstanding bills to the agency, and the court costs from 6 years ago were under my name. So, my mom says she had spoke with the judge personally and without my knowledge about these costs years ago and he said just not to pay them. So she didn't, and I never knew I was supposed to pay them. She tells me that the papers say if I don't pay the costs there will be a warrant out for my arrest and/or they could dock my wages. This all happened right before the holidays and right at the time I was moving nearer to home because I am pregnant and wanted to be nearer to family. My mom wrote my father a letter saying that I shouldn't have to pay the court costs when his wife is the one who filed the order and it was discovered that she had done so to cover her butt should I have filed an assault charge against her. She had called the sheriff and asked if I had the right to do so and when told 'yes', she decided to file first so she may have more of a leg to stand on should I have taken her to court. My dad writes back saying my MOM should pay the charges, because at the time they were incurred he paid her child support and so he feels he has already paid. Ridiculous, right?? So I write him a letter basically saying that I feel he has gone to great lengths to choose her over me, cut me out of his life, etc. and that although I know he is excited to be a grandfather for the first time I cannot just pretend I'm not hurt and appalled by him allowing this woman to do this to me years ago. What kind of dad allows their new spouse to file charges against their child? I know this is a long, drawn out post, but I hope to illustrate to you that sometimes when a new woman comes along, the kids get thrown out the window. It's sad, and I was incredibly hurt by it until recently, when I came clean with my true feelings. I am not going to expose my baby to the kind of manipulation and hatred she showed me... she will never call herself 'grandma' to my baby. Period. I ended the letter by saying I am open to talk anytime, I love you, but we an awkward encounter once a year does not a relationship make. I want the real deal... I want my relationship with my father back... and it's his choice to make the next step or not. Needless to say, I haven't received a response and it's nearly three months later, and my baby is due next month. I let this torture me for years... I think the sooner you express yourself honestly, the better. If you are upset, be upset and be honest about it.

If your father felt that his wedding would only upset you then maybe it was better that you were not there. Their wedding is their special day, so why invite someone who has made it clear that they were against it? It doesn't mean that he loves you any less, it only means that he didn't want any conflict between you and his new bride on their special day. It's time to move on and forgive. Face the fact that he is in love with this woman, and she is his new wife.

Of course you have rights to be upset and it isn't wrong at all. Although you need to be there for your father and just get on with things regardless of issues with your step mother. I'm not being funny, not at all although if you allow her to divide you and your father you'll come to regret this. Give him a call. Try and sort things because you need each other but if I was you I would be feelings the same, although if like me an invite could of lead to an outburst maybe it was better for you both to avoid this. I'm sorry to hear this, I also hope you patch things up. ~Joey

well it's not wrong for you to be upset but it is wrong if you would expect him to do anything differently because you didnt' like it. He is in love with this woman that you had problems with...it is not up to you whom your father falls in love with and marries. He probably just wants your acceptance but he shoudlnt' change his life just because his daughter doesn't agree with his decisions. I think you need to just accept that he is an adult and not perfect and will need to live his life.

I think you have the right to get upset with your father. But maybe you should try and accept your new mother slowly. In time maybe you can learn that she is not so bad in the first place. May good give the blessings to you and your family.

If I were in your position I would really be upset. Maybe I won't only be upset but I would also feel mad. Specially I'm the only one if the family which he didn't invite. This would really make me feel that I was really left out. And of course, I would really appreciate it if he talked to me about it or have tried to make a move to patch things up between me and her wife. But he did not do that and instead he prefers not to invite me just to make her wife happy and wouldn't even bother about what I would feel by him doing that. But of course he would still be your father. Just take your time to forget and finally to forgive. Then when you're ready maybe you can talk to your dad about it. Who knows maybe, there's still a chance for things to be ok between you and your father and you & his wife.

This would be upsetting to me too. I think you have every right to be upset. After all isn't blood thicker than water? I mean, you're his child. He gave you life and raised you up. I couldn't ever do something lke that to my own child for any reason.

Well I gues it is ur right to get upset angry on him but not for life long, U have to forgive him atlast he is ur father right..Just forget everything and start fresh...Everything will be fine..

wow. i cant believe your own father didnt invite you to his wedding. you are entirely justified to be upset. regardless of the problems in the past, i think he should have done the adult thing and gotten the flip over it. thats just wrong what he did. you have every right to be upset.

In no way is it wrong for you to be upset with him. I think any of us here who have a stable relationship with our father would be upset. You only want what's best for him, and he was too ignorant and infatuated with this woman to see that. Neglecting your own children for some woman is terrible. I hope he comes to his senses and gets his priorities straight.

yes i think u can have every right to be upset with your dad! he hasnt been quite responsible from what i hear from you! as a parent, his 1st priority ought to have been you,but he definitely dint take on that responsibility! so u have everey right to be mad at him!

No it isn't wrong or uncommon. Divorce is traumatic for the children no matter what age they are. Your father wants to be happy, but he doesn't have to be selfish about it. The issues surrounding the mistrust you have for his wife- are they related to loyalty to your mother? If so be strong for her in other ways. If not, daddy might be suffering a midlife crisis, you'll just have to wait him out - sometimes children are forced to parent, especially in mid life crisis situations

I am sorry to admit that I fail to feel what you are feeling at this . But despite my heart's failure , my brain can know that you are feeling very sad being left out from tha wedding . But let me express my mixed feeling of shame and astonishment at your openmindedness and honour for freedom . I am sure you are not following me . In my society , marriage of a father is out of place .People at large as well as children cannot take it so lightly . You are feeling sad not because your father is doing a SHAMEFUL act of SECOND MARRIAGE.I would die of shame if my father goes for remarrying . I am therfore ,feeling shame of hypocricy and at the same time astonishment at your honour for free will .

i think your father is just afraid that you will show the feeling of against the wedding so he doenst invite you, but of course you will be upset to the fact the he marry again to other woman aside from your mother and another this is that you have a little dispute with the woman, any way if you can do have peace with her so you can live in peace two with your little brother,is better.

It is just normal to be upset. I understand you feel like he chose that woman over you, that his new wife is more important to him. Do not contact him in the next few days. You are still very upset and you might just say something to him that will further increase the gap between the two of you. You need some time to think. Do not forget the good times that you shared together. Always remember that though he loves his new wife and you do not like her, he loves you still. You are his child and you will never be unimportant to him. Understand also the situation that he is in, being torn between two people he loves.

I think you have every right to be upset. He should have invited you. The only way I wouldn't have invited you was if I thought you were going to try to ruin the ceremony or go beat up his new wife and I'm going to assume that you weren't going to do that. By doing that, that is just creating a bridge between him and you, and with his new wife more and since the two of you already had problems, that makes it even worse. Have you tried telling him how much it hurt you?

I think you have every right to be upset...sounds like your dad is acting like a 6 year old

I have gone through the same experience. However it was with my mother. Actually my mother got married without me or any of my brothers consent. It is very difficult at first to see your parent with someone else. Then the fact that they end up with the wrong person is even more upsetting. Its been a few years now that they have been married and actually her husband is now being a lot nicer with us. But she got married to him in secret b/c she didn't want us to be confrontational with him and actually felt she didn't need our approval. I know how hurt you must feel b/c I was very upset at my mother. I had felt as if there were double standards. When it comes to the children parents sometimes feel they always have a say in what we decide in. However, when it comes to their lives they don't take our feelings in consideration and I was very upset when that happeened to me. Sometimes it can be their embarassment or just own pride that makes they take actions they way they do. But I agree with you and feel you have a right to be upset. ME and my brothers were. The best thing is that you talk it out with him and let him know how you feel. And even this discussion is a great thing for you. I hope you feel better.